Here Come the Co-eds

---

- Thanks for the lesson.

- No, thank you for the lesson.

- Slats, why aren't you at work?

- Sis, I'm waiting for the boss.

- You been fired again?

- Certainly not.

I want him to give you a raise

for the publicity I got you.

Now, look... "Molly McCarthy,

Miramar Instructress says,

'I'm saving money to go to Bixby,

the college of my dreams. "'

- You see it?

- I've seen nothing else for three days.

"Hello, Miss College.

What do you hear from Einstein?"

What's wrong with that?

Why, I'll publicize you

right into the bright lights.

Or into a padded cell. Why don't

you mix truth with your publicity?

This is nothing but the truth.

Look at that.

I found out there really is

a college by the name of Bixby.

I found it out, on the level.

Where are you going?

Home, before you publicize me into

playing shortstop for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Wait a minute,

that's not a bad idea.

I'll break every front page in the country

with that story, or my name is not...

- McCarthy!

- Oh, hello, boss.

- Gold-bricking again, huh?

- No.

- Then you're still working here?

- I hope so.

- Then get to work.

- Okay.

Make sure your pal gets to work too,

or you're both fired.

Okay, boss.

- Dance, Mr. McCarthy?

- Yes, surely.

Is Mr. Quackenbush working

this evening?

He's around some place.

I don't know where.

- Hello.

- How do you do?

- Let's sit this one out.

- Sit it out?

Thank you ever so much!

Sit down.

You know,

I really don't like dancing,

because it's nothing

but hugging set to music.

- What don't you like about it?

- The music.

Oh, my!

Ah-ha!

You snake in the grass.

You wolf in sheep's clothing.

You...

at last, I've found you!

You're the rat who lured

my wife away from me!

I'm going to teach you a lesson

you'll never forget.

And as for you...

you are no longer my wife.

- No longer your wife?!

- Yes.

I never was your wife!

Huh?

Why, you...

Remarkable resemblance!

I could have sworn

you were my wife.

Boy, do I feel silly!

How do you think I feel?

May I apologize

on the floor?

Yes.

Why don't you apologize to me?

I'm on the floor.

What in the world are

you into now? Come on.

Come over here. What are you

doing? What's wrong with you?

You tell me you're

too tired to dance.

As soon as my back is turned,

you start playing in the sand.

Never mind that. Now stop

this nonsense and get to work.

- Hello, Mr. Quackenbush.

- How do you do?

Shall we dance, or would

you rather sit this one out?

I sat the last one out.

Let's dance. Thank you.

Ah-ha!

You home wrecker!

For weeks, I've tried to find you

and now I've caught you two together.

How dare you try to steal

my wife away from me, huh?

Did he try

to steal your wife?

You know he tried to...

Well, you look

just like my wife.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

It's all a mistake.

I regret it exceedingly.

Shall we finish

this dance?

Yes.

I hope you don't think

I'm drunk.

It's quite all right.

I'm a little potted myself.

What, again? Didn't I tell you not

to play in the sand? Now get up.

Get up on your feet. Didn't I

tell you not to play in the sand?

- Who's playing in the sand?

- You!

Listen here to me.

I'm not playing in no sand.

- What were you doing?

- Bad eyes.

- Now it's bad eyes.

- Not me... some crazy guy around here.

Every time the guy sees me with

a girl, he thinks it's his wife.

- So what? - He says to me,

like this, he says "Ha-ha!

You're the snake

in wolf's clothing.

You're the wolf in the grass.

How dare you steal my wife

away from me?!"

- What are you ta...

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

- Stealing this little fellow's wife!

- Madam, madam!

Whoo,

are you "destructful. "

- Who was she?

- That must be that crazy guy's wife.

- Ah-ha!

- That's him.

Man:

Hey! What happened here?

Now, if you say, "Ah-ah,"

I'll knock you down again.

Hey, wait a minute.

You hit the boss.

Let's get out of here.

Come on, come on.

All right, break it up.

Break it up here.

- Wait a minute, we'll take this car.

- It don't belong to us.

What's the difference?

Get in there. Go ahead.

Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Start it up.

Hey, come back with that car!

Boy, I'm glad

we got out of that jam.

I hope we can get this car back

before people miss it.

Dispatcher:

Calling cars 11, 12, 14 and 15.

Cars 11, 12, 14 and 15.

Be on the lookout for car 13.

It has just been stolen.

- Mmm.

- How do you like that?

Somebody stole a police car.

I feel sorry for that chump.

Dispatcher:
Here is a description

of the men who stole the police car:

Number one... medium height,

slender, blue eyes;

number two...

short, fat and stupid.

- A couple of chumps.

- Yeah, we don't know 'em.

Blow your horn

and get around that taxicab.

Uh-oh, must be a fire.

- Fire?

- The siren's on. Somebody's coming I guess.

- Come on.

- I don't see any fire.

- I pulled over a little bit anyway.

- Well, all right.

Get around that taxicab,

will you, please?

Here comes

the fire department again.

Wait a minute. You're the one

that stole the police car.

Me?

Yes.

- I stole a police car?

- This is a police car.

- This is? See you later.

- You're going to drive this car!

Now drive it back.

The police will understand.

You sure the cops

are gonna understand?

- They'll understand.

- Then you drive it.

- I... come here.

- Quit it!

- Drive the car. Go on, drive the car.

- How can I drive?!

- Drive the car, go ahead.

- How can I drive?!

Drive the car.

Go on, will ya?

There you are, you got it.

Here's the wheel over here.

Come on!

Go ahead.

Look out...

look out where you're driving.

- Pardon me, gentlemen.

- Go on, beat it. We're busy.

- We brought your car back.

- I haven't got time to listen to that ki...

it's them!

Grab them!

Wait a minute.

What's going on here, men?

These are the men

that stole our police car.

No, no, no, we didn't steal

it. We took it by mistake.

Didn't we bring it back? Doesn't

that prove that we're honest?

I can see that. Most men would

have run away. Release them, boys.

Oh, no, not until we pay for

the gasoline we used.

- That won't be necessary.

- Chief, we insist.

After all, we used your gas.

We want to pay for it.

Very well.

Measure it, Flanagan.

- Measure it, Flanagan.

- Yes.

Measure it!

About a sixth of a gallon.

Oh, a sixth of a gallon.

Well, I think I have enough

here to cover that, thank you.

- There you are, Chief.

- Thank you.

It's a pleasure to meet fine

conscientious citizens like you.

Thank you, Chief.

- Have one of my cigars.

- Thank you.

By the way, just a minute. Tut-tut.

Have one of my matches.

- Thank you.

- Excuse me, please.

Have a match.

That's it. That's the idea.

Fine smoke, right?

- Hurry up, Oliver!

- But what will you boys do?

That's all right.

We'll get along.

We'd better get along right now!

- Cops!

- Out the fire escape!

- Oliver! Oliver!

- Come on!

Oliver! No!

Out!

Oliver, there's

no fire escape there!

I just found that out!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes