Here Come the Co-eds Page #2

---

Hurry up, Oliver.

All right, all right.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Are you all right?

Get up on your feet.

Quick, hide!

Come on, hurry up!

- Miss McCarthy?

- Yes?

My name is Benson...

Dean Benson of Bixby College.

May I come in?

Why, yes.

Thank you.

I read the magazine article

about your ambition and I...

- How do you do?

- All:
Hello.

This is my brother, Mr. McCarthy,

and his friend Oliver Quackenbush.

- How do you do?

- Mm-hmm.

This is the dean.

The who?

The dean.

Dean.

Dean?

Dean.

Did you ever pitch

for the St. Louis Cardinals?

No. As I was saying, Miss McCarthy,

I read the magazine article

and I'm here to award you

the Bixby Foundation Scholarship.

- I'm afraid I can't...

- Wait a minute. What is it worth?

Well, it covers the tuition

and registration fees,

room and board,

and all necessary expenses.

- Both:
She'll take it!

- Oh, no, I won't!

You see, Slats and Oliver

just lost their jobs

and we're sort of dependent

on each other.

I couldn't possibly

leave them.

That's very loyal of you.

What sort of work do you do?

Practically anything...

creative, executive.

I don't know whether

this would interest you,

but the school does need

two assistant caretakers.

- Both:
Caretakers?!

- See here!

- The job pays room and board.

- Room and board!

You want us just to work

for room and board?

Both:

We'll take it!

Splendid! I'll expect the three

of you at Bixby tomorrow afternoon.

- We'll be there!

- Bye.

I should have asked him for passes

for the football game.

They don't play football there.

That's a girl's college, Bixby.

There's two or three hundred

girls up there.

- Two or three hundred girls?

- Sure!

At Bixby?

Yeah.

Girl's school?

Mm-hmm.

- We're gonna be the caretakers?

Just you and I? - Mm-hmm.

- Caretakers for two or three hundred girls?

- So what?

Diane, where's Benson?

Where's he hiding?

- Well, isn't he in his office?

- No, he is not in his office.

You know his hideouts. You

know where he goes. Where is he?

Now, I tell you, Dad,

you run along,

and when I find him,

I'll have him phone you.

Phone me nothing!

Have you seen this?

"Miramar Molly

Gets Bixby Scholarship. "

- Yes, isn't it splendid?

- Splendid?

To give Bixby's one scholarship

to a Miramar Molly?!

That's what the dean said.

Why should we continue to waste it

on girls able

to pay their own tuition?

You act more like

your mother's mother every day!

Diane:

Larry! Shh!

Get back, get back!

- Well, what's up?

- Dad's blood pressure!

Found out about

the McCarthy Scholarship, hmm?

Well, I might as well go

and have it out with him.

No, Larry,

wait till he cools off.

I don't believe in

dodging trouble.

Well, please...

for my sake?

I say... you, there!

Just a minute!

Just a minute! We don't want

you in the picture!

There's not going to be

any picture!

That's what I said... there ain't gonna

be any picture with your face in it.

Will you let me alone? I'm

Chairman of the Board of Regents!

- Then go get a chair and sit down!

- Come here, you!

You come down from there!

You come down from there I say!

We're not going to have

anything like this here at Bixby!

You're coming down

off of there, that's all!

Now you come down!

- Take your hands off that girl!

- Give me those films!

Wait a minute!

Give me back my camera!

Johnson!

Throw them out!

I'll have you

in Juvenile Court!

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

what's the meaning of all this?

More vulgar notoriety,

that's the meaning of it!

I caught this "Miramar Molly"

with these magazine photographers.

They're not photographers. This man

is her brother. That one is his friend.

I hired them last night

as caretakers.

- Yes, we didn't mean any harm.

- Well, perhaps not.

But anyway, I want these films

destroyed! Get rid of them, Johnson.

- Right.

- Give me those!

Johnson, show your

new assistants to their quarters.

Assistants, huh?

We'll have no more of your cheap

publicity tricks here, Miss McCarthy!

- You won't have...

- Will you show Miss McCarthy to the dormitory?

Yes, indeed.

This way, Miss McCarthy.

And as for you,

young man...

Suppose we hold our discussions

in my office?

- Very well.

- This way, Mr. Kirkland.

Hello, chubby.

Excuse me, you dropped

your handkerchief.

Get dirty.

Better pick it up.

Hi, pudgy.

Excuse me.

Look,

no flirting around here.

If you pick up a girl's

handkerchief, you're fired.

Hey, you're too rough.

Hello, butterball.

You're new here, aren't you?

My name's Patty.

What's yours?

Never mind, you can

tell me some other time.

See you later.

She's cute.

As head of the Board of Regents,

I demand that our sacred

traditions must be upheld.

Our old methods, our tried

and proven methods...

Are antiquated, and the condition

of Bixby when I took over proves it.

Not one modern course,

not one up-to-date method.

Not one-fourth the enrollment

needed to meet expenses.

And may I ask

who has met those expenses?

Who has carried overdue

mortgages for 20 years?

You have.

But if you'd just let me

make this a real school...

Bixby was good enough

for my mother.

And her mother.

And her mother's mother,

and her mother's mother's mother!

Come on.

This is

the caretaker's quarters.

You should get a caretaker

to take care of it.

That's just

what you're for.

- Get busy and clean up.

- Okay.

- Come on, get busy.

- Hey, you.

There's only one reason

why I don't punch you in the nose,

and that's because

I'm bigger than you are.

I'm bigger than you are.

That's a better reason.

Get to it!

Now get busy.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Broom.

- Go ahead. Here.

What a mess.

Ahh! Not in there.

Put it in the wastepaper basket.

Hey, Slats.

What?

Hold that.

Hold it easy.

What are you doing?

Thank you, again.

What are you doing?

The man said clean up

the place, didn't he?

I'll clean this room up.

You come here.

You go in the kitchen

and wash the dishes.

Why don't I take the dishes and

throw them in the spare room?

- Go in the kitchen! Wash the dishes.

- All right!

Go ahead in there.

What are you doing?

What are you doing now?

Go into the kitchen

and wash the dishes.

Go ahead.

Slats! Slats! Slats!

- What are you doing? What are you doing now?

- Get me out! Get me out!

There you are.

What are you doing in there?

Get out of there. Get out of that.

If you want to wash your face, why

don't you use the sink over there?

- I mean, after all...

- Never mind. Get on the job and clean up this place.

Get that grease spot off that

wall and wash those dishes...

I won't, I won't, I won't!

I will.

- Take care of that pan under the icebox. Get with it!

- I just wanted to be stubborn.

When I said, "I won't, I won't," I knew I

was going to say, "I will. " I usually do.

Window was closed.

Fresh water.

Good fresh water.

Hey, Oliver.

Hey, Oliver,

if we can hold onto this job,

we'll be in the dough in no time.

- I'm in it now.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes