Here Comes The Boom Page #4

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Music.

You're gonna be

inspired by music.

That's why all the gladiators

entered the Colosseum

with all that thundering music.

Actually,

they do that in the UFC.

Exactly.

And you're gonna

follow in the footsteps

of all those great warriors.

Every one of them had

a distinctive musical theme

that put fear in the hearts

of their opponents,

which rendered them defeated

even before their match began.

I got it. You could

enter with Pachelbel.

No, I know what I'm doing.

With Bach.

I don't need that. It's gonna be...

I have it.

Don't...

Mozart's 35th in D Major.

Listen to me.

I'm picking the song!

Of course you are.

Good evening, sir.

This is Scott Voss.

He's fighting tonight.

Change behind the tarp.

Yeah. We were just hoping that

there would be some place private,

you know, where he could

have a modicum of privacy...

No, no, no,

I'm doing this for you.

I appreciate it...

It's embarrassing.

Yes, it is. We're gonna move.

We're gonna move.

Okay.

Thank you, sir.

Wow.

This place is unique.

Is that a chicken?

This looks like

a Civil War hospital.

Lookie, look who showed up.

You're not as smart

as I thought you were.

Look, I knew this

wasn't gonna be the UFC,

but I'm 80% sure I saw a chick...

I think it was a chicken.

Was it a chicken?

Chicken.

It's 100%...

That's a chicken right there.

Look at that,

that's a farm chicken.

They're filthy animal...

Is that even...

Is it sanctioned here?

Hey, this is

bottom-level MMA.

No, but I want to be clean.

You ready? You better be,

because you're next.

You ready to do this?

Yeah.

Making his MMA debut...

What are you doing?

Don't you worry about it.

...from Hyde Park, Massachusetts,

please welcome Scott Voss!

Watch this.

Intimidation!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Whoo!

Get in the cage, you Vike geek!

Whoo!

Come on, guys, you ready?

One second, okay?

Ready? Ready?

Fight!

I like your hair up like that.

Cute.

But I know it

could come down, too.

It'd be all...

I know, I'm just saying.

Is this the best plan

you could come up with?

Fighting in a cage?

What kind of an example are

you setting for these kids?

Hold this.

As much as I enjoyed

teaching future Americans

for eight bucks an hour,

it wasn't getting the job done.

You smell really good,

by the way...

Gee whiz, what's with the...

You're like this.

You're like that on me.

Just put a Band-Aid on it.

Come on, Scott. You and I

both know this is crazy.

What would I say to Marty?

He'll understand.

He saw you get

knocked out cold.

I wasn't out cold, all right?

I was half in, half out.

Mmm.

Although I did see a unicorn.

I was riding it.

Please.

Okay.

I'll talk to him.

Kiss? Want a kiss?

Nothing? No.

Hi, can I help you?

You must be Mollie.

Hi, I'm Scott Voss.

I work with Marty.

And I didn't see him

after school,

and I was wondering

if he's around.

No, he had a private lesson.

But he should be home

any minute.

Here. Please, come in.

Thanks so much.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

Oh, it is such a mess.

I am so embarrassed.

Marty's instruments

are everywhere.

Let me pick up

a couple things here.

We're turning the music

room into a nursery.

I can't believe

I just said that.

I'm expecting.

No one knows yet.

Please, don't tell anyone.

We're really... It's

just too early right now.

Say no more.

Believe me, I didn't...

What baby, right?

I didn't even know, you know.

That goes right in the vault,

by the way,

and it's like a,

it's like a vault,

locked down, Fort Knox

or some sort of prison.

Great. Thank you.

Wow, does he play all these?

Oh, no.

He buys them off the Internet

and garage sales,

and he fixes them up

for students who

can't afford them.

Oh, man.

Just sucks what's happening

at school, doesn't it?

What do you mean? What's

happening at the school?

He didn't tell you?

No. Is there something wrong

that's going on at the school?

No, no, nothing bad at all.

Last week, they installed

a metal detector

in the teachers' lounge,

'cause...

Really?

Yeah.

Because a teacher had

flashed a piece, you know?

Oh.

Yeah.

So now it just takes long...

You know, you can't

get in and out any more.

What happened to your eye?

I cut myself shaving.

I was shaving my eyebrows.

I do. On the weekends.

I'm gonna get going...

Well, is there a message

I can give him for you?

You know what? No.

Thank you. Okay.

Great.

It was nice meeting you.

Nice meeting you.

Tell Betcher not

to cut anything.

We're saving Marty's job.

That's 750.

That's the first

installment right there.

Scott?

Yeah?

You know I'm on your side

on this, right?

Yeah.

I played French horn

in the marching band.

I loved wearing that big hat,

shiny white spats,

the smell of the grass.

Those were some good times.

Okay.

Excuse me,

is there a Niko here?

Fourth floor.

And knee. And up.

And knee.

And up.

And knee. And up.

And knee. And up.

Grab him and head-butt.

Knee to the face, knee to the

face and throw him back.

Stomp.

Victory dance!

Oh, victory dance!

Run, run, run, run...

Hey!

No pain, no gain!

Victory dance,

victory dance...

And stop!

Worthy attack, everybody!

That's right!

Thank you!

Thanks for coming,

ladies and gentlemen. Scott!

Hey.

How you doing, buddy?

I thought you said

you owned an MMA gym.

No, no, no, no.

I said I taught MMA at a gym.

Oh. Well, that

wasn't MMA though, right?

No, that was

Disco Street Fighting.

Don't worry, with you, we're

gonna do the real stuff.

That's what we're gonna try.

Let's go. I have

a spin class in an hour.

Okay.

Let's work on some

takedown defense.

I wrestled, I think I know

how to stop a shot.

Ding, ding, boom, boom,

elbow, elbow, boom!

Liver shot, bang, bang, bang!

Oh! Knockout blow.

You got the point.

We need to keep you out

of dangerous situations.

Now, to escape

the Rear-Naked Choke,

you want to break the grip,

pull the arm down

and move to the side.

Escape.

No, don't squirm.

That just helps me

sink it in tighter.

Arm bar. Escape.

Escape!

Wrong way, wrong way.

Too late.

Okay, you're vulnerable

like a puppy.

Yeah, that's 'cause I

let you get into position.

It's easy. I could do

the same thing to you

if I got you in a hold.

Good point. Yeah.

I'm out.

I'm free.

I'm bored.

I'm late for my class.

We're just gonna

have to wing it.

All right, ladies.

Let's get those legs warmed up.

Ladies and gentlemen,

introducing the principals-

First, from Jamaica,

Queens, New York,

here's Ragin' Rafael Romero!

Romero!

No helmet?

Hey, it's okay to be afraid.

Don't worry. Use it.

Try to channel it into focus.

That last knockout,

never happened.

Three migraines a week

say you're wrong.

Hey, you got to... You

got to stop this. Why?

Either dig in or call it a day.

No, no, I'm loosening you up.

No, you're not.

You're rubbing me like

you're putting on sunscreen.

Get off!

It is weird.

Okay. I thought I was

doing the right thing.

And now, my friends, let's meet

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