Hickey Page #4

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and was obsessed with it.

Do you watch any

day time game shows?

No, not really, so, sorry.

Wondering what's behind

that next curtain?

Well, it all could be yours,

if you're the next

contestant on...

"The price is right."

"The price is right."

Ding ding ding ding...

Yeah, ding, ding, ding...

- Ding, mama, yeah.

- Ding, ding, ding, ding.

- I wanna adopt Ryan.

- Okay, we'll do that.

We'll get on the...

Start on the paperwork.

- Okay.

- All right.

He'll be your little brother.

Yeah...

We can get bunk beds.

You almost done with that, Ryan?

- Thanks, buddy.

- Oh, you're welcome.

Come on down!

Come on down this way.

Don't take her ice cream

away ever, she bites.

Come on!

We're gonna do this!

- Go for it!

- I'm fine, I'm fine.

Let's get this. He's not

getting away with this.

Elbow titty's real.

Like, I feel it.

You are so dead.

Oh! Hello, hickey.

- Nice to see you.

- What do you want, Berger?

Oh, I'm just here to repay the visit.

You know it.

I bet you heard all about

Jeremy's little jaunt

to see us this morning.

Can't say that I did.

Well, then, here,

let me show you.

Huh?

Take a look at that.

That's my store.

See him?

You shat in a toaster?

It's not funny, lady boy.

I mean, I don't know when my

customers are gonna come back.

I... I am totally

pressing charges.

Let's go.

No, hold on, hold on,

hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hey, what do you want?

Oh, you know what I want.

Come on, man.

I don't even remember it.

Okay, then, never mind.

Come on, boys!

W-w-wait!

Son of a b*tch.

I used to own a leather jacket

that got ruined in the rain.

No, no, no, you have

to do the voice.

You totally have

to do the voice.

Or no deal.

What is this?

Sixth grade talent show act.

I hate these guys.

Aren't cows outside

a lot of the time?

When it stops raining

do they run to the farm house,

"let us in?"

We're in leather.

Hey, who is that?

- Seinfeld?

- Open up the door,

- it's the only outfit we've got!

- I'm outta here.

Bravo.

No wonder this store

is doing so well.

Laugh factory here

cares more about his bit

than helping customers.

Really, you shouldn't do that.

It's terrible for your teeth.

Ew.

How did you get

to be so charming?

Oh, my mom breastfed me

until I was 12.

- 13 would have been weird.

- So weird.

Was he really that good

of a baseball player?

A natural.

Then why didn't he go pro?

The only thing Brady

cares about is Brady.

What?

Gary should have been

regional manager.

He has a lot of great ideas.

Brady didn't want

none of them to work.

- He wants to fail. Unbelievable.

- Right.

I didn't say that.

Hey! Carly, can I talk to you

for a second, in private?

Oh, what's with the secrets,

gossip girl?

No secrets, I was just gonna tell

Carly why you're really here.

Oh, go ahead.

I love a good yarn.

Okay. Brady's here

to make sure we fail.

Isn't that right, hawk?

Ryan, what are you

talking about?

Please, is old man Aesop

telling fables again?

What kinda sense does that make?

Okay, fine.

So what have you done to help?

Game on.

Uh. Come on.

You don't want those, bro.

Excuse me?

And why don't I want those?

1,900 bucks?

I mean, even with the sale,

that's pretty steep.

I'm sorry, don't you work here?

I do, but I couldn't sit by

and watch you make

such a terrible decision.

Nice, right? And only

a third of the price.

Oh, those are tiny.

Perfect for talk radio, sports.

Yeah, I don't know.

That pairs great

for music lovers.

Really isolates

the instruments and vocals,

but I'm kind of a musical

theater geek, so...

Really? Oh, I was just

listening to "gypsy"

on the way over here.

Broadway production

or west end revival?

West end? Oh, my god,

Imelda Staunton, right?

- It pains me that she's only

known for Harry Potter films.

Oh, it's a crime.

And what kind of vehicle

are you driving in?

- A Miata.

- Naturally.

- I love that car. I love it.

- Who doesn't?

My first girlfriend...

You've been really helpful.

Apology accepted.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'd like to speak to Carly.

In private.

"In private."

Wow! Looks like CY

is treating someone right.

As he should.

I'm the only one around

here with any vision.

Without me the whole chain

would go belly up.

So, what did you want

to talk to me about?

Twice the pay,

15% more commission,

and three weeks paid vacation.

What?

The assistant manager position.

I'm offering you

at the San Diego shop.

You're welcome.

- God, Ryan was right.

- Hold on.

That's not true.

Think about it.

The more money this store

makes, the more I make.

Why would I want you

to close if I'm making money?

It doesn't make sense.

Can you blame me

for trying to hold on

to my number one seller?

I know how much

your music means to you,

but without the money

to finish your studio

you'll never put out a song,

and you know it.

"Foot in the door.

Getting a customer

to agree to a large purchase

after agreeing

to a modest one."

Okay.

That's a pretty sweet

Blu-ray player.

You know what would

look great on it?

"Cat eats banana ii"?

Yeah.

You know, or...

You ever see that video

of that guy sneaking up

on that calico by the pool?

It's like this cat's

like, "what?"

And the guy's like,

"what?"

It slays me every time.

Uh, uh, well, yeah,

with the 1080i on this...

Here you go, thanks, man.

Wait, what are you,

what are you doing?

This is gonna be great, man.

Thanks, you made my day.

- What?

- Apprec...

This was just the foot.

- What's your problem?

- You.

You are my problem, Ryan.

Look at me.

I bust my ass at this shitty job

in this lousy store,

just so I can afford

half a semester

at veterinary school.

But it's always a big joke

to you, isn't it?

You got a full ride

to m.I.T.,

yet you choose to stay here.

How the hell do you think

that makes me feel?

You're my problem, Ryan,

because every time

I look at you I'm reminded

of just how easy it is

for some people.

Screw you.

Okay.

Whoa! We're never

gonna make it.

This whole idea was stupid.

Dude, what is your deal?

M.I.T. Has been your dream

school since forever

and now it's happening.

What are you so afraid of?

I'm not afraid of anything.

Okay?

What are you doing?

- What are you... what are you doing?

- We all have secrets.

We are all afraid of something.

You're my best friend, Ryan,

and I'm willing to do whatever

it takes to help you.

Oh, oh, my god.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Oh, oh, my god!

Where is the other one?

It's called

cryptorchidism, Ryan.

It's an undescended testicle,

and it's who I am.

Well, well, well,

put it away, okay?

No. You need to see this.

- It can't hurt you.

- It is hurting me.

I'm just being

more open with you,

and it's about time

that you did the same.

You think by showing

me your ball,

I'm gonna have some epiphany

about my life?

No. For that, I think

you need to show me your...

No! No, no, no, no!

Fine! Don't.

I'll just have to tell Carly

she's the real reason

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