High Fidelity Page #5

And I said, "Well, what is it,"

you know. "What-"

And I made her tell me,

and she did...

and I went into this brief and ill-advised

bout of self-righteousness, you know-

What right do you have? My child too-

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That pretty much

brings us up to date.

Who needs a drink?

Who loves the sun

Who cares that it makes

plants grow

Whats wrong with me?

Seriously.

What happened?

Why am I doomed to be left?

Doomed to be rejected?

I need answers.

Number one.

To Alison Ashmore.

- Hello?

- This is, uh, Rob Gordon calling.

- Hi.

- I'm an old friend of Alisons and, um-

- What did you say your name was?

- Rob. Rob Gordon.

Um, I was actually her- her first

boyfriend in-in-in the seventh grade...

and I was just wondering if you had any

way of reaching her or her number or-

I hate to quibble with you, Rob,

but Alison married her first boyfriend.

Kevin Bannister.

He is her first and last boyfriend.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- Uh, no, I'm quite serious.

She is Mrs. Kevin Bannister.

She lives in Australia.

- We went out together in the seventh grade.

- I beg your pardon.

Well, technically,

I'm her first boyfriend, okay?

I met her a few days before Kevin did.

Technically, number one. Me.

- I dont know what you mean by "technically. "

- You know.

I'm number one. Me. Technically.

I see.

Well, maybe its my mistake.

Ive got to go now, Bob.

Okay, bye-bye.

Who loves the sun

Alison married Kevin!

I am fine now!

Married her junior high school

sweetheart.

Kissed me on the bench. Kissed Kevin

on the bench. Married Kevin.

This is great!

This has got nothing to do with me.

This is fate.

This is destiny.

It is beyond my control,

beyond my fault. I love this!

I want more. I want to see the others

on the big top five.

I wanna see Penny and Charlie and Sarah,

all of them, you know.

Just seeem and talk toem,

you know, like a Bruce Springsteen song.

You call, you askem how they are,

and you see if theyve forgiven you.

Yeah, and then-

and then Id feel good.

And theyd feel good.

No, theyd feel good maybe,

but youd feel better.

Id feel clean and calm.

Thats what youre looking for. You wanna get

ready to start again, thatd be good for you.

Great, even.

Youd give that big final "good luck and goodbye" to

your all-time top five and just move on down the road.

Good luck. Goodbye.

Thanks, Boss.

Penny is as beautiful as she was in high

school and really grown into herself.

She reviews movies for a living,

which is unassailably cool...

even if she does make these little notes

with this little flashlight pen.

We have a good time, and we hate the

same actors, and everythings going great.

She tells me about her life.

I tell her about mine.

We both get it.

We both relate.

And then, with no real explanation,

I just launch into it.

I tell her about how Laura

wanted to sleep with Ian and not me...

Charlie wanted to sleep with Marco

and not me...

Alison Ashmore wanted Kevin Bannister

and not me.

And you, you wanted to- you wanted

to have sex with Chris Thompson...

and not me.

And I was helping

- hoping you could help me understand why this keeps happening...

why, you know, I'm doomed to be left,

doomed to be rejected.

Do you understand?

Well, Rob, uh, I was crazy about you.

I wanted to sleep with you one day,

but not when I was 16.

You know, when you broke up with me-

you broke up with me

because I was, I was...

to use your charming expression,

tight...

I cried and I cried and I hated you...

and when that little sh*t bag asked me

out and I was too tired to fight him off...

it wasnt rape, because I said okay,

but it wasnt far off.

You know I couldnt have sex until after

college because I hated it so much?

Thats when youre supposed

to have sex, Rob- in college!

And now you want to have

a little chat about rejection.

Well, f*** you, Rob.

God, shes right.

I broke up with her.

I rejected her.

Thats another one I dont have to worry

about. I shouldve done this years ago.

Maam, could I get the cheque, please?

Next up, Charlie.

But I'm not quite ready for that...

so I go directly to number four

on the all-time breakup list.

Sarah, my partner in rejection

who rejected me.

- Hi, Rob.

- Hi.

Nice to see you.

- Hi. Okay, yeah.

- Nice to see you.

- Yeah. - You want me to

come- - You wanna- - Sure.

- You wanna- - Yeah. -

Yeah, lets go out a bit.

I cant believe I left you for him.

- Probably seemed like a good idea at the time, Sarah.

- Yeah, I dont know why, though.

- Are you seeing anybody?

- Um, no, yeah.

- No? - Yeah. I

mean, I'm not- - No.

I- I-I am. I'm in between things.

How are you doin?

- Me? I'm not good.

- Really? - No.

Oh, its so hard.

The medication I was on is not working.

So were trying something else, but its like, they

dont know about it, so I'm like a guinea pig, and-

But I'm making money. Thats good,

cause I lost my job a month ago.

- So its been, like, hand-to-mouth- - No, I

havent got the heart for the rejection conversation.

There are no hard feelings here, and I'm glad

she ditched me and not the other way around.

I'm late for work, and I-

Ill call you.

- Okay. - Nice to see you.

Bye. - Bye. See you later.

I couldve wound up

having sex back there.

And what better way to exorcise rejection demons

than to screw the person who rejected you, right?

But you wouldnt be sleeping

with a person.

Youd be sleeping with a whole,

sad single-person culture.

Itd be like sleeping with Talia Shire

in Rocky if you werent Rocky.

I feel guilty enough as it is.

Theres only Charlie left now.

Shes in the f***in phone book.

She should be living on Neptune.

Shes an extraterrestrial.

A ghost, a myth,

not a person in a phone book.

- Hi, this is Charlie.

- Answering machine.

- Leave me a message- - Ill leave a nice,

polite message and shell never call back.

Oh, the Killing Moon EP, its almost

impossible to find, especially on CD.

Yet another cruel trick played on all the

dumb-asses who got rid of their turntables.

- But every other Echo and the Bunnymen

album- - Yeah, I have all the other ones.

Oh, you do? Well, how about

the Jesus and Mary Chain?

- Ah, they always seemed-

- They always seemed what?

They always seemed really great

is what they always seemed.

They picked up where your precious Echo left off, and

youre sittin around complainin about no more Echo albums.

I cant believe you dont own

this f***ing record. Thats insane.

Jesus!

- Can I get two receipts with that?

- Well, the interesting thing about Green Day...

is that so much of their music is,

in truth...

directly influenced by,

in my opinion, uh, two bands-

- The Clash-

- The Clash.

Uh, correct, uh, the Clash.

Uh, but also by this band called,

uh, Stiff Little Fingers.

Um, I think you would really

love this band.

Uh, it sounds great.

- My names Anaugh.

- The name-

Um, my names Dick.

Is this the new Green Day?

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