High Spirits Page #6

make me spend my money.

Makes me feel real loose,

like a long-necked goose.

Oh, baby, that's what I like.

That's so...

Who wrote that?

The Big Bopper.

Maybe you know him.

He's dead, too.

Are you sure they're gone?

- Everyone, stay behind me.

- Stay behind him.

I have to check this place out.

Every inch of it...

castle, grounds.

- It's kind of scary...

- Quiet!

The Plunkett ancestors...

- Check outside.

- They're rather unapproachable.

Sir Jack, I'm in me cups.

No, it's nothing.

I'm really drunk.

- No, we mustn't.

- Right.

We should just be friends.

Go!

Halt!

Go!

How beautiful the night looks.

I'm having the time of my life.

Isn't it beautiful?

Not as beautiful as you.

Will ya hold on.

Listen to the paracyclist!

I formally declare this

a spirit-free zone!

If you ever go

across the sea to Ireland

Then maybe at

the closing of the day

Oh, God.

I'm not tupping.

I'm not tupping, right?

This is somewhere...

between a skelp

and a tup, right?

The women in the meadow

making hay

Just to sit beside

a turf fire in the cabin

And watch the sun

go down on Galway Bay

On Galway...

Holy God,

that's my shaggin' bus!

It shouldn't be happenin'.

Somebody's brought it here.

Where's Jack?

No, Jack.

- OK.

- Stop.

We mustn't.

- We can't!

- We can't.

- It's not right.

- I know.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah... I mean...

- No, stop!

- All right.

Don't listen to me, Jack.

Go on.

Sharon, I love thee!

And tonight's the holy night!

Oh, Sharon, I love thee!

No, Jack!

Remember our promise?

We can't.

A little to the right.

- There?

- That's good.

You for me.

Come here, me lovely dearie.

Come here to me!

Where are ya?

Sharon, wait!

- I love you, Jack.

- I love you, Mary.

Actually, you look

very like my mother.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Oh, Lord, please save

this beautiful creature...

from these demons.

If a life must be taken,

take mine.

Oh, yea, though I walk...

through the valley

of the shadow of death.

Brother Tony!

Where are you going,

Brother Tony?

I shall fear no evil

for thou art with me!

My God, Jack.

We shouldn't have.

Mary, that was something.

Where are you?

Sharon, this isn't

a joke anymore.

Saint Hocks McGorrick, wait!

Mary, what's happened?

It's the powers, Jack.

I'm 200 years old.

He who tups with a spirit,

tups with the grave.

What do you mean?

Help me!

Jack, just tell me you love me.

Make it all right.

But you're not Mary.

You're a corpse.

Now, don't do this to me,

darlin'.

Get away from me.

Help!

Oh, bollocks!

Holy Jesus!

- Hi, Marty.

- Where's the wife?

Not mine, ya dolt.

Yours.

I'm being followed

by a U.F. O!

You can't get so excited.

You think I don't know

what's going on?

- Excited? A bus...

- Come here, me lovely!

Hey there, Mary.

We were just playin' around,

darlin', you know?

You threw me over for this?

I mean, I knew you liked

passive women, Jack...

but she's half-dead.

I hope she has a great

personality, because this hurts.

At least she said she loved me.

That's a lot more

than you ever did.

I love you, Jack. I do.

Ya wee harlot, I'll kill ya.

She's looks dead enough already.

Please, don't start that.

Oh, Jack.

Your wife's some woman.

So's yours.

So was yours.

Where are you going?

I was just kidding.

You were made for each other.

You look great.

You really do.

Bye, Mary.

Sorry for the last 200 years,

darlin'.

Jack, you said

you'd love me forever.

I know.

Mary, I just...

You were so different then.

Only on the outside, Jack.

Inside I'm the same.

Yeah, I know.

I know looks aren't everything.

I'm in here, Jack.

It's just that they

can help so much when you...

- Kiss me.

- Kiss you?

Maybe we should get

some moisturizer.

- Kiss me, Jack.

- Or some medical supervision.

One last time.

Please, Jack.

Stop, let me catch my breath.

Martin, where are you?

Martin, wait!

Don't go!

How the hell

did you get up there?

No, don't go, Martin!

No, wait!

I'm in here, love!

Martin, where are you?

Oh, Sharon,

you do love me, don't ya?

You do love me, Sir Jack.

Then look at me.

Well, then, be with me forever.

Any way you want it.

Oh, my God.

What have I done?

You weren't meant for this.

I didn't want this to happen.

Oh, God.

Forever, Jack.

You're alive.

Aye.

What do you mean I'm dead?

Now, take my word for it.

You're just saying that...

so you can have

your wicked way with me.

If you weren't dead

I wouldn't be able...

to have my way with you.

This is ridiculous.

You can't hide from me.

I've got to find you.

That's right!

You can't fool me.

They're gone.

- Here, file that.

- Malcolm, they're gone.

They're not gone.

Brother Tony,

you forgot your collar.

No, he didn't.

He threw it away.

Didn't you, baby?

I'm only human.

Here we are.

Mr. Plunkett, single-handedly

the worst vacation...

that I've ever experienced

in my life.

Thank you, Mr. Clay.

However, I'll be recommending

Castle Plunkett...

as the most haunted castle

in the Western Hemisphere.

I hope that helps you

with your business.

- Too kind.

- I second that.

Most gracious.

- Bye.

- See ya.

They're gone, dear.

Come on in. I'll make you

a nice fish sandwich.

I cannot thank you enough,

Sir Jack, for deciding to stay.

Hey, where am I gonna go, right?

Listen, Mary.

When are you gonna

stop calling me "Sir"?

Sorry, I can't help it.

Maybe when you

decide to marry me.

Are you asking?

My wife's hardly dead, and it

was such a horrible death.

Maybe we could wait

a couple of centuries.

We booked the hall till 12:00.

How about a little privacy?

The day is for the living, Jack.

The night is for the dead.

How's the corpse?

Pretty good.

How's the psycho?

A pussycat.

So was the trip worth it, Jack?

Yeah. She thinks I'm brilliant.

Mary, you've put on a wee bit

of flesh since I last saw ya.

I'm not gettin' stabbed

every night, Martin.

Mary, it hurt me

more than it hurt you.

Go on now with it.

So how's the Yank?

He takes me shoppin'.

Come here to me.

My love.

My reason for dying.

How'd she ever learn

to dance like that?

Happiness, Sir Jack.

Yeah, happiness.

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