Highway Page #2

Very bad dick!

Bad dick!

Well,

since I'm down here,

I might as well

just for a little bit-

How does everybody

on Planet Fricking Earth...

know this sh*t already?

You guys

never know anything.

You don't even know...

that Kennedy

was assassinated.

Wait, George Kennedy

was assassinated?

Bro, Jilly Miranda

is a deviant, OK?

She's a major deve.

She gets off on

causing trouble, OK?

But did she at least...

make you bust

a little coo-coo?

Did you? 1 1 years...

he hasn't busted

a nut, right?

Hey, five.

Taking it off

over here, boss.

Hey, Pilot, you little f***,

did you sell that boom?

Yeah.

Hey, shut up.

Mayhem, shut the f*** up!

All right.

The hound has some

major trust issues...

with our boy

Pilot here.

Yo, wiping it off

over here, boss.

Listen, I tell you,

putting you down

at that water park...

was an entrepreneurial

milestone.

Speaking of which...

there's a rave

over by Whiskey Pete's.

Yo, sip of water

over here, boss.

Will you shut the f*** up

for a blink of an eye!

I want you over there...

with some GHB and some

window pane, all right?

Yo, I can't.

What?

I can't, man.

I'm going with Jack.

Going with Jack where?

Scawldy!

Scawldy!

I've got to bail.

Of course, right.

Burt Miranda.

Of course,

of course.

All right, man,

that's cool.

Where you guys headed?

We're thinking

Seattle, you know?

Jilly Miranda, man...

I'd like to take

a ride on her.

Little sweet ass pooper,

you know what I mean?

Wahoo! Let's go.

No, Scawldy, look...

I've got to get

out of here, all right?

What is your rush, boys?

Come on,

you've got the world...

by a f***ing string

right here.

Scawldy!

I've got to go.

Yo, man,

can I have my cut?

They're after

my f***ing toes, man.

F***! !

Well, otay.

Where you guys going?

Detroit?

Dee-troit?

Yeah, Detroit.

Detroit's cool.

Right on. Detroit's got

that old school sh*t...

you know what I'm saying?

Like Motor City Madman,

Ted F***ing Nugent, man.

I got you

in a stranglehold, baby

You know, Scawld...

we're thinking about getting a

stake.

Sell as we go,

finance the trip.

The Detroit trip.

What are you boys

thinking about?

What do you need?

Well, what do you got?

What have I got?

Dude, what have I got?

I got it all, man!

I got-

I'm the f***ing-

Dude, I'm the f***ing thing...

what is that thing

at Thanksgiving...

the horn thing,

the f***ing horn thing...

overflowing with goodies?

The f***ing

horn thing...

with all the f***ing

goodies coming out.

Nice working with you,

fuckface.

What do you call

that thing?

A cornucopia.

Aha, there you go.

Pilot, my man,

knows everything.

He's a regular goddamn

Pat Sajak!

I got it all.

I got the kind,

daffy f***ing bud, man...

the hydro nuggety-nugs...

red fiber...

herbal medications

sweep upon the nation.

The red, red, red, red fiber,

you know what I'm saying?

I've got an amino acid

concoction...

marinating in the back

right now, man.

It creates a totally

profound excursion.

It opens up all your f***ing

pleasure glands...

you know what I'm saying?

You're like

in a field of snow...

but you're really in sand...

and you're making

a goddamn little angel.

Good God almighty,

you're creating symphonies,

you had no idea!

You'll be a genius,

my friend.

I got rock soaked

in the wine cooler.

I've got wine cooler

that's been soaked in rock!

I got these new 'ludes

in powdered form.

You snort it up!

Your head flies open!

The bats fly in,

they shoot out!

I f***ing

snapped out of it...

I chomped about

four of them, right?

And I was f***ing

the Coke machine...

in the Motel 6.

She was coming Fresca, man,

like crazy.

I got some mushroom tea.

I got some ecstasy.

I got some opium.

And I think I hear

the police coming after me.

I hear the police coming,

I hear the police coming,

I hear the police

coming after me.

What's it going

to be, boys?

How about you give us

two Z's of endo,

100 hits of E,

and a page of blotter?

That's my man,

pots and pans.

I have it ready.

I'll fill your order.

I can't believe

that you told him...

'We're thinking Seattle.'

What kind of total void

are you, Jack?

Pilot, relax, man.

He thinks we're

going to Detroit.

Yeah? Man,

tomorrow morning...

that freak wakes up...

his nipple ring's

been torn off...

he's got a brand-new

monkey in his closet...

and a 14-year-old

Asian boy...

lying next to him

is in a diabetic coma...

he won't remember a f***ing

thing about last night...

except that we're taking

our trick asses to Seattle!

Give me the keys.

So we don't go

to Seattle.

We'll just go

someplace else.

Someplace else?

Yeah, like I said...

I've got an aunt

in South Dakota.

I got a cousin...

in Albuquerque,

Tempe, Valencia.

Oh, bro!

There's a black belt

convention in Reno!

Come on!

No.

It's cool.

You're right.

I mean, Scawldy thinks

we're going to Detroit...

let's go to Seattle.

Hi, you've reached the Carnes's.

Billy's in Boston,

Amy's in Seattle...

but we're still here,

so leave a message.

That Lucy?

Uh, yeah.

How did she take it?

She took it fine,

you know, I mean...

sh*t, all she's going to be

without...

are my clever

observations.

You bang her yet?

Not even close, man.

If 'bang her'...

is an island

off the Caribbean...

me and Lucy are stuck

in traffic in Jersey.

Whatever. The point is...

you haven't been

to the Dan D. Fine.

Of course not,

have you?

Clark brought me

there when I was 12.

Good old Clark!

Who needs Disneyland?

It's on the way,

maybe we could stop by.

What for?

If there's something

wrong with your pipe...

the Dan D. Fine

will clean it out.

There's nothing

wrong with me.

Well, I mean, maybe...

look, man, we've got

to put miles...

between us and the Veg,

you know?

And plus, you know,

there are bound to be...

other places

like the Dan D. Fine...

further along down

the road.

What did you say?

I mean,

I think it's better...

if we just skip it.

Bro, there is nothing...

nothing like

the Dan D. Fine.

So get in the f***ing car.

Let's go, you p*ssy.

Make a woman

out of you yet.

I don't know, Jack.

Good evening, gentlemen.

How you doing, Frood?

How's your dad, Jack?

He's all right.

Have a seat.

I didn't even take out the gock.

Leave me alone!

Mauzner, I don't care

who your daddy is, OK?

It don't give you

the right...

to come in here

and act like a virus!

Can it!

Good evening,

gentlemen.

Welcome

to the Dan D. Fine.

My name is Naomi.

Would you like

to meet the ladies?

Sure.

What's up, dude?

Maker's rocks.

Sorry, Mauzner, I don't

think we should-

Make it a double.

Gentlemen.

Huzzah, huzzah, huzzah.

Come on in, babies.

Meet your new

boyfriends.

Aren't they sweet?

Come on, don't be shy,

Let's move it,

time is money.

Come on. OK.

Introduce yourselves,

ladies.

Sophie.

Lois.

Sally Sue.

Alexis.

Natalie.

Look at those legs,

man, look at those legs.

She used to wear these...

patent leather go-go f*** me

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