Hit by Lightning

All my life, I had been looking

for my prince.

You know, someone deep, someone

sweet,

who could make me laugh...

Ashley and me talked on the

phone all night and

I totally cracked her up with my

witty jokes and funny noises,

And right from the very first

second our chemistry was like...

hel-lo!

And we're both really sensitive.

We have this kind of

artsy-fartsy going, so one day,

we made a painting...

Everything we do together is

fun.

F*** you, Dylan and Ashlee.

Jorge, Jorge... we've been over

this before.

You can't smoke in Debby's.

No, man, I think you can.

I'm, I'm the manager here,

I'm fairly well versed in the

rules, c'mon buddy put it out.

Don't you ever bend the rules?

No...

Corporate puppet.

How's your... food?

It's Saturday night, we're gonna

do it.

We are gonna doooooo it!

Getting paid and laid tonight,

bebe.

Paid and laid.

I, I don't even know what that

means?

It means what we want it to

mean, okay?

It means what we want it to

mean. You dig?

Um, no, I don't... dig.

Ricky what is with you?

Come on, stop being such a

buzzkill.

Now grab your cock and put on

some socks,

cause we are gonna do this town

up and do it right, senorrrita!

Paid and laid. We're doing it!

How exactly are we "doing it?"

Uh, well I don't know? Numero uno, hog,

got you out of the house so there's that.

W is a W

I'm back where I work! It's a

lateral move at best.

Alright well look... that's just

round one of the festivities.

You're NOT going to believe

round two.

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, you're not

going to believe round two.

Please stop repeating things

please.

Soooo... when do you go into

production?

Really, really not in the mood,

nope.

When do you go into production?

Next month.

Great. So you go into production

on your motion picture next month?

Is it fully cast yet?

No, no, it is, it is, not fully

cast yet.

We're still uh, we're still looking

for our, our last two actresses.

Wow, well just fantastic, that's

just, that's just super.

That's just deluxe.

Now do they have to be well

known or...?

Do they have to be... Ricky,

Ricky, Ricky?

They have to be well known these

actresses?

No, no, we're actually looking

for two total newcomers.

This makes me happy as the film's director,

because I like to work with fresh faces, so...

Uh... me too uh, as the

movie's... executive producer...

Hey, man. Ahh, I can't work Saturday.

Can I get a 'double' next week?

Oh sure, no problem.

Ah you know what,

these broken down fillies are just gonna

get in the way of round two anyhow.

Round two, baby. Round two.

Yum, Yum.

Doing it long and doing it

strong!

Maybe we should just shoot each

other.

Hey, you seem a bit down man.

What up, hog?

It's Saturday night and I'm with

you.

Not for long, bebe. Not for

long.

So when do you go into

production...

Gary Kless is getting married.

Yeah, me too. Who cares?

Oh what's that, the actresses

don't need to be fresh faces...?

That leaves just you and me.

Just you and me.

We are the only two freaks from

high school to NEVER be married.

Can I asked you a question? How

the hell do you even know that?

I keep track on Facebook and

Twitter.

God, Gary is so lucky, man.

Oh that's weird, I thought you get

your period at the end of the month.

MEN don't get jealous of other

MEN getting married!

Men should be jealous of us.

Oh, I strongly disagree.

Jesus, is why you've been

Captain Negativo all night?

Cause that fat bastard Gary

Kless is getting married?

There was this guy on Dr. Phil who said

that it's as likely for a woman over forty

to get hit by lightning or,

or killed by a terrorist than

meet a husband.

What if the same thing goes for

men?

What if Gary just got lucky and he

made a pact with God and/or Satan?

I can't go to another of these

weddings alone.

It's just too depressing.

You're not going to be going

alone okay man?

You're going to be going be with

me.

That's... not comforting.

What is wrong with you? Haven't

you seen "Wedding Crashers?"

Common, all those losers in our

class are married off,

we're going to cleaning up bigger

than Owen Wilson and Vinny Vaughn!

Hot filly. Three o'clock.

I forgot my compass.

She's right over there, look at

her, look at her.

That girl is seventeen, tops.

So what? Means she's single.

You'd have sex with an underage

girl?

I'm not a monster, no!

I'd take her out for cookies and milk

shakes until the day she turned eighteen

and then plow her.

Sorry I misjudged you.

Should've proposed to Roz when

we were together.

You dated her in high school.

I had no idea there would be so

few good ones after that.

It's like, it's like in hockey,

you know,

a team goes to the finals and

loses, everybody says

"Hey you know don't worry, we'll

get 'em next year"

what if there is no next year.

What if there is no other Roz

and

I never go to the Stanley Cup

finals of love ever again?

K, K if you hadn't mentioned

hockey there,

that might have been the gayest

thing I've ever heard.

Come on man! Get your game face

on, d-o-g.

We have a wedding to crash!

First of all, we were invited...

second of all, all our friends

are married.

There ARE NO single women!

What about the...

She's seventeen!

We don't know that for a fact!

Jeez... would ya... okay you what...

I'm going in, okay...? I'm going

in.

Please, God,

help me find my soulmate before

I'm hit by lightning or

killed by a terrorist.

Oh, hey, Kings won.

Three goals and two assists,

you're on fire.

NHL.com has pop-up ads for

"E-Happily"?

What the hell. They NEVER have

before...

You have no

responses.

Yeah..

Hey, man.

Hey, Jorge. I was just checking

the... the hockey scores, what's up?

Ahh, I'm gonna need next Saturday off too.

I'm getting married.

What?

Yeah, I know, my mother's been

on my case.

You're twenty-seven, you bum,

what are you waiting for?

Twenty-seven really isn't that

old.

So can I have Saturday off or

what?

No.

What?

Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I, I meant

"yes." Of course... of course...

Jorge...

Where, where did you meet her?

Who?

E-Happily, man. It's

surprisingly effective.

You have one

response.

You found your wife?

Yep. Last night.

You went cruising without me?

Uhm we've never cruised and I

didn't have to go anywhere.

Found her on my computer.

Oh... what porn site?

Wasn't a porn sit... "E-Happily!"

I...joined it last week.

What do you mean, you joined it?

Ah, I don't think I was being

cryptic.

I joined E-Happily last week. To

meet my soulmate.

And it worked.

Poor, sweet, crazy bastard you.

I've never been more sane.

This woman's perfect for me.

Perfect!

Oh, she loves all the same

things I do,

hockey, cats, Albert Brooks

movies,

spooning after sex...

Alright whatever, what does she

look like?

I don't know... and you should

see the e-mails she wrote to me.

Funny, smart, sweet...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on, just back up, hold the phone.

What do you mean, you don't know

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