Hits Page #3

Synopsis: HITS is a dark comedy exploring the nature of fame in 21st Century YouTube America. The film takes place in a small town in upstate New York populated by people who trade in unrealistic expectations. Its a story in which fame, delusion, earnestness, and recklessness meet, shake hands, and disrupt the lives around them.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): David Cross
Production: Honora Productions
 
IMDB:
5.8
Metacritic:
45
Rotten Tomatoes:
39%
Year:
2014
96 min
$15,156
Website
20 Views


That dog died because

she couldn't get to it.

So you have blood on your hands

of a dead dog.

You've all killed a dog.

And I would like to know if...

what other rental vehicles

were out there, okay?

Because we have potholes.

- Time.

- We have pot... we have potholes.

Time.

Thank you, Mr. Stuben.

Well, and I think it's

a crying shame, Ms. Casserta,

and you should table this.

You and Mr. Hurlickson

should table this,

because this town is a farce!

Time, Mr. Stuben.

- I can speak if I want to.

- You just did.

Oh, and where

in the Constitution does it say

that a man only has

three minutes to speak?

Show me, Ms. Casserta!

We all have rules

that we need to follow, Dave.

There are no rules!

There's no Robert's Rules.

There are no rules!

I have a right to speak.

Dave, we will have you arrested

if you don't leave, please.

This is a waste

of taxpayers' money.

We've told you this before.

This whole town council

is under suspicion.

- Give us a break, Dave.

- A break?

You want a break?

You should give us a break.

Because you should be...

That's it.

You've been warned.

Arrest Mr. Stuben

for disruptive behavior.

You're gonna arrest me?

Fine!

I will sue you, Ms. Casserta!

I will sue the city council.

I will sue the panel.

I will sue everyone

in this city!

Excuse me, I need to get...

I have a right to my things.

I am a citizen.

This is America.

You cannot take things

from people.

I have a freedom of speech!

I demand three more minutes!

I request my rights

as a citizen!

And I can talk over you

without a microphone.

You will hear me!

Mel, Mel,

just take a stand, Mel.

- Who's next?

- You will hear me!

Humella Alderton.

Crimson Nightshade,

as requested.

Yes!

Okay, ka-pow.

Okay, fair trade.

All right, thanks, man.

Oh, I got to show you

this crazy, f***ed-up thing

that happened last night

at my mom's council meeting.

This guy went off.

He got arrested.

Wait, no.

Yeah, he's always showing up

and ranting.

What?

Last night.

And this was at a meeting?

It's a crying shame,

Ms. Casserta,

and you should table this.

You and Mr. Hurlickson...

No.

Well, he has passion.

F***ing lunatic.

Well, he's clearly disturbed.

Oh, no sh*t, yeah.

Are there more videos

of this guy?

Yeah, there's a bunch, yeah.

Just Google "Dave Stuben."

Actually, just Google

"crazy motherfuckers

at town hall meetings."

There's, like,

a million of these people.

There are no rules!

You can spend a whole day

watching it.

Oh, all right, thanks, guys.

That felt good.

Hey, don't be a stranger, okay?

I mean, our door

is open anytime.

It doesn't even have to be

the purchasing

or the buying of weed

or the selling of weed involved,

you know?

I mean, just come on by.

Like, just raid the fridge,

do some laundry.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Or maybe you and Donovan

could go to a baseball game

together sometime.

I don't know baseball.

Donovan...

Oh, yeah, you know,

yeah, we can...

Yeah, we could go baseball

sometime.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

That could be fun, kiddo.

- Yeah.

- Afternoon outside.

Want to go

for the whole nine innings

and, like, you know, outside

in the big stadium

with all the people?

It could be fun.

Yeah, I could even,

like, maybe...

I'll just bring, like,

five friends or something.

Or it could just be

the two of you.

Yeah?

Yeah, I could pick you up,

or we could meet there.

We could go

to a papuseria there,

or just, like, outside of it.

They might not have them

in the stadiums.

No, no, I'll meet you there.

It's just kind of easier

for you.

I'll buy you a glove.

We'll go to the game,

and then we can...

you know, we could throw a...

throw a pitch afterwards.

That would be so fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

for sure.

Total fun, total fun, yeah.

You know what?

We're gonna do

a four-leaf clover

scavenger hunt next weekend,

if you want to come.

Oh, yeah, works for me.

- Stay for a snack.

- Yeah, oh, actually...

Thank you, again.

Thank you so much.

Okay, okay.

- Okay.

- Cool, cool.

Bye, Bennie.

Bye, Sweetheart.

Bye.

Bye-ee.

Such a sweet kid.

I mean, I want one.

I really want one.

I know, baby.

You say that

every time he comes over.

I wish things were different,

but they're not.

Yeah, I know.

Just gonna get back to it.

You know, I just... I don't feel

like working anymore.

I'm just gonna go take a bath.

I'm gonna go take

a childless bath.

Okay.

I demand three more minutes!

Hi, I'm Katelyn.

Hey.

I'm...

I met you at Justin's

graduation party

at Liberty Lake that one time.

Yeah, yeah, no, I know.

Oh, Julie told you

about recording, right?

Yeah.

Oh, like, today, right?

Yeah.

Can I come in?

Yeah, of course.

It'll take me a second

to finish setting up.

Do you want to smoke up?

Later.

My voice.

Oh, hey, Julian...

do you happen to have

any hot tea

with lemon and honey and stuff?

It's really important

for my voice.

I have hot water,

not those other things.

That's okay.

I have mentholated cough drops.

You're just doing

the one song, right?

Yes.

And you have the money?

I do.

I'm so excited.

Here you go.

I started working

on a backing track

that I was able to mess with.

Cool.

So it should be... good.

Supposed to be $500.

What?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Julie told me that it was

supposed to be $300.

Eh...

no, for a finished demo, $500.

No, I was told $300,

so I brought you $300.

All right, I mean...

Can you do it for $300?

Please?

Please, please?

I mean, my time

is super valuable.

Yeah.

Here's the thing, Julian.

I don't really have

any extra money right now.

I'm working a lot,

but I don't have much extra.

Well, can you get it?

I mean, I'll wait.

I can't get it right now.

Sorry.

Please?

Well, maybe we could

work something out.

Oh, thank you so much.

You can give me a blow job.

No.

All right.

I can't.

My voice.

Well, then...

let me f*** you.

Oh, my god.

No.

Well, then, good-bye.

If you get the extra money,

you can come back.

You can get a sweet demo.

For real?

You want me to go, Julian?

You're gonna say no to $300?

That's a lot of money.

You're gonna say no to $200

for a stupid blow job?

I mean, do the math.

It's a good deal.

You're a loser.

Eviction from a public forum

is a violation and malprac...

is representative

of an incompetent b*tch

running amok.

Dad?

Hey, pumpkin.

- Hey.

- How'd the recording go?

Oh, it was good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Good for you.

I'm so proud of you.

When can I hear it?

Oh, I'm not sure yet,

because, like, the guy, Julian,

has to mix it, so...

Oh.

I don't know.

Um...

Dad, like...

I heard that you went

to jail, or something?

Oh, yeah.

Nothing to worry about.

Goddamn city council.

I'm gonna fix it.

Oh...

Do you have plans tonight?

You want to stick around

for dinner?

I was thinking

of ordering Chinese.

I don't like Chinese food

in the summertime.

Pizza?

Dad, what do you mean

you're gonna fix it?

I'm gonna get them to stop

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David Cross

David Cross (born April 4, 1964) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, director, and writer, known primarily for his stand-up performances, the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show, and his role as Tobias Fünke in the sitcom Arrested Development. Cross created, wrote, executive produced, and starred in The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, developed and had a prominent role in Freak Show, appeared on Modern Family, portrayed Ian Hawke in the first three live action/CGI films starring Alvin and the Chipmunks, and voiced Crane in the Kung Fu Panda film franchise. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Hits" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/hits_10027>.

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