Holes

(SINGING) Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it

dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah

Dig it, oh-oh-oh

Dig it, oh-oh-oh

Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it

Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah

With broken hands and weathered souls

Emancipated from all you know

You got to go dig those holes

You got to go dig those holes

Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah

You got to go dig those holes

Dig it, oh-oh-oh

(SNAKE HISSING)

BOY 1:
Get that straight.

Get that straight.

BOY 2:
Let me tell you, boy,

we're burnin' up back here, man.

This global warmin'.

BOY 3:
Hole in the ozone

is directly above my head.

BOY 1:
The hole's in your head.

(LAUGHTER)

(RATTLING)

BOY 2:
Barf Bag!

-Man, what you doin'?!

-Barf Bag!

It ain't that bad! Come on, man!

Come on, man!

BOY 1:
This ain't funny, Dog.

Get back, Barf Bag, for real!

BOY 4:
Come on!

What are you doin'?!

BOY 2:
Barf Bag, deal with it, baby!

MAN:
Barf Bag!

(BARF BAG SHRIEKS)

(TEEN GRUNTS, GROANS)

BOY:
All my life, I seemed to be

in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My grandpa, Stanley Yelnats II,

says it's all because

of this 150-year-old curse.

Now, I don't really believe

in the family curse,

but when things go wrong,

it kind of helps if you can

blame it on something.

And for me, things went wrong a lot.

(SNIFFS)

Oh, jeez! Oh!

Grandpa says our destiny is sealed.

(SIREN WAILING)

Could a pair of shoes falling from the sky

really be part of my destiny?

Come here, boy!

WOMAN:
Hold it right there!

Hey, why you runnin'?

Did you steal those shoes?

Officer, I didn't do anything.

-MALE OFFICER:
Where'd you get those shoes?

-FEMALE OFFICER:
What's your name, boy?

St... I'm Stanley. Stanley Yelnats IV.

STANLEY IV:

You see, my father, Stanley Yelnats III,

is an inventor,

and for the last few years,

he's been trying to find a cure...

for foot odor.

(LAUGHS)

I'm glad you're here.

This whole floor smells like stinky feet.

(DOOR HINGES CREAK)

What did you do to my Stanley?

Don't freak out. It's a bruise.

MOM:
No, it's a bloody mess!

Can I just say right off the bat,

this is a big mistake.

Don't say nothing

until we talk to our lawyer!

You're gonna be sorry

you ever messed with Stanley Yelnats!

Let me see that.

Just don't grab it out of their hands.

-Why not?

-Because you're gonna make 'em angry.

Would you like a piece of cake?

MALE OFFICER:
Excuse me.

STANLEY IV:
Do we even have cake?

STANLEY III:
How about some coffee?

A little cup of coffee?

(HISSING)

Now, that is a fine pair of shoes.

Could I just smell your shoe?

How about if you take your shoe off,

and I'll just...

MALE OFFICER:

Check the bedroom.

STANLEY II:
Just a minute!

Where you going?!

This warrant isn't warranted!

This will never hold up in court!

FEMALE OFFICER:

Uh-huh. Here it is.

We got him.

We share the room.

How do you know that's not mine?

-Which bed is yours?

-You don't have to answer that.

We have the right to remain silent.

-Oh, wouldn't that be nice.

-I sleep here.

It's all because of your

no-good, dirty-rotten,

pig-stealing great-great-grandfather.

There is no curse on this family.

There is on the men in this family.

(SINGS) "If only, if only,"

the woodpecker sighs,

Please don't sing that song.

(SINGING) "the bark on the tree

was as soft as the skies."

Please don't sing that song,

not at my table!

Ma, relax.

I don't believe in the curse, anyways.

We're gonna need a damn good lawyer.

We can't afford a lawyer, pop.

We don't need a lawyer, Stanley.

We'll just tell the truth.

Stanley Yelnats, please rise.

(SIGHS)

Stanley Yelnats IV.

Sit down!

(SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE)

I could send you to jail,

and I would not lose

one bit of sleep over it.

(WHIMPERS)

But I don't know what good that would do.

There is currently a vacancy

at Camp Green Lake.

They help troubled youth build character.

The choice is yours.

Camp Green Lake... or jail.

(FEEDBACK)

Uh, well,

I never have been to camp before.

Eighteen months, Camp Green Lake, son.

(SINGING) Well, the sun is shinin',

but it don't feel good

Don't smile down on this neighborhood

When I go walkin' through

this stinkin' town

This is why I keep my eyes down

You keep your eyes down

The brotherhood of the misunderstood

Live and die here, in all likelihood

You're livin' in this town,

better pray for sundown

Like all the men, you go downtown

You keep your eyes down

Hey, baby!

You keep your eyes down

You keep your eyes down

(BRAKES SQUEAK, HISS)

You keep your eyes down

Thanks for the ride.

You keep your eyes down

(COUGHS)

MAN:
Yo, fresh meat!

So, uh, where's the lake?

GUARD:
Hey, what did I just tell you?

Don't be a wise guy.

Follow me.

(FLY BUZZING)

(CRUNCHING)

(DOOR HINGES CREAK)

Sit down.

What's with the sunflower seeds, man?

I give up smokin'.

Stanley Yelnats...

-...The fourth?

-Yeah.

Everyone in my family

names their son Stanley 'cause it's...

Yelnats backwards.

It's like this... it's a little...

It's a...

It's a tradition.

(CRUNCHES)

My name is Mr. Sir.

Whenever you speak to me,

you will call me by my name.

(SNICKERS)

Is that clear?

Yes, Mr. Sir.

Do you think that's funny?

Huh?

No, Mr. Sir.

This isn't a girl scout camp.

Understand?

Here.

Boy, you're a bag o' tricks.

Thanks.

You thirsty, Stanley?

Yes, Mr. Sir.

Well, you better get used to it.

You're gonna be thirsty

for the next 18 months.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Look around you, Yelnats.

What do you see?

Any guard towers?

How about an electric fence?

Hmm?

No, Mr. Sir.

You want to run away?

Go ahead, start running.

I won't stop you.

I'm warnin' you!

MAN:
You heard the man, Spence.

Oh, don't worry.

This here's for yellow-spotted lizards.

I wouldn't waste a bullet on you.

I'm not gonna run away, Mr. Sir.

Good thinkin', Yelnats.

Doesn't nobody run away from here.

You know why?

We got the only water for 100 miles.

Our own little oasis.

You want to run away,

them buzzards will pick you clean

by the end of the third day.

MAN:
Hi, Mr. Sir.

MR. SIR:
Undress.

You get two sets of clothes.

One for work, one for relaxation.

After three days,

your work clothes will be washed,

your second set

becomes your work clothes.

-Is that clear?

-Yes, Mr. Sir.

You are to dig one hole each day.

5-foot deep, 5-foot in diameter.

Your shovel is your measuring stick.

The longer it takes you to dig,

the longer you'll be out in the hot sun.

STANLEY IV:
Sorry, Mr. Sir.

You need to keep alert

for lizards and...

rattlesnakes.

Rattlesnakes?

You don't bother them,

they won't bother you...

Usually.

Being bit by a rattler ain't

the worst thing that can happen to you.

You won't die, usually.

But you don't want to get bit

by a yellow-spotted lizard.

Rate this script:3.6 / 7 votes