Holes Page #2

That is the worst thing

that can happen to you.

You will die

a slow and painful death...

Always.

(DOOR HINGES CREAK)

Stanley Yelnats?

-Yeah?

-I just want you to know

that you may have done

some bad things,

but that does not make you a bad kid.

I respect you, Stanley.

Welcome to Camp Green Lake.

I'm Dr. Pendanski, your counselor.

Start that touchy-feely crap,

I'm outta here.

Give him some towels, tokens. Set him up.

You'll be in "D" tent.

"D" stands for "diligence."

that's the mess hall.

There's the rec room.

And there's the showers.

There's only one knob 'cause there's

only one temperature - cold.

And that's the Warden's cabin over there.

That's the number-one rule

at Camp Green Lake -

do not upset the Warden.

-Yeah, he seemed kind of...

-Who?

Oh, Mr. Sir?

Oh, he's not the Warden.

He's just been in a bad mood

since he quit smokin'.

Hey, Mom...

Who's the Neanderthal?

This is Stanley.

So, what's happening with Barf Bag?

Oh, Lewis won't be returning.

He's still in the hospital.

Stanley, meet Rex, Alan, and Theodore.

Hi.

Yo, my name is X-Ray.

And that's Squid, that's Armpit.

Him, he's Mom.

They all have their little nicknames,

but I prefer to use the names

their parents gave them,

the names society will recognize them by.

Theodore, why don't we

show Stanley his cot?

Go ahead, 'pit.

DR. PENDANSKI:

Welcome to your new home, Stanley.

(STANLEY GROANS)

Barf Bag slept here.

DR. PENDANSKI:

Keep your bed clean.

Hey, I'm Magnet.

That's Zigzag.

Hi.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

What I told you

about leaving that thing right there, man?

And this... is Zero.

Say hello to Stanley, Zero.

Do you want to know

why they call him Zero?

'Cause there's nothing goin' on

in his stupid little head.

Did you tell him about the lizards?

DR. PENDANSKI:

Ricky, let's not scare Stanley.

His name's not Ricky.

It's Zigzag, a'ight?

Stanley, if you have any questions,

just ask Theodore.

Theodore will be your mentor.

-You got that, Theodore?

-Yeah, man. Whatever, dude.

I'm depending on you.

It should be no labor

to be nice to your neighbor.

Hey, Theodore, is there a place

where I can fill my canteen up with water?

-BOY:
I know he smells that.

-Yo, my name is not Theodore.

It's Armpit.

There's a water spigot over there.

Man, 'pit,

what you gotta be so mean for?

ARMPIT:
Man, I ain't mean.

I'm his mentor.

Ain't that what I'm supposed to do?

Thanks, Armpit.

Man, whatever.

MAN:
(ON PA.)

Today's menu - chili, string beans,

refried beans,

garbanzo beans,

green beans,

and banana jell-o.

(LAUGHTER)

Hey, Stanley, come here, boy.

This is where you sit. Sit down.

X-RAY:
Hey, yo, new kid. Hey, yo.

See, you didn't dig today.

So, uh, you wouldn't mind

giving up your bread

to somebody who did, now, would you?

No, you can have it.

So, what'd they get you for?

Stealing a pair of shoes.

(LAUGHTER)

From the store, or were

they still on someone's feet?

No, no, he just killed the dude first.

You just left out

that little detail, right?

They were Clyde Livingston's shoes.

X-RAY:
Sweetfeet? What?

Man, you did not steal

no Clyde Livingston's Sweetfeet shoes.

His world series cleats.

Hold on, hold on. How did you get 'em?

He's, like, the fastest guy

in the majors, right?

The guy hit four triples in one game.

(LAUGHTER)

Clyde Livingston donated his shoes to

this, uh, this... this homeless shelter.

Did they have red X's on 'em?

ALL:
What?

You got Zero to talk.

Hey, yo, what else can you do, Zero?

Yeah.

Yeah, they did.

LAWYER:
Tell us a little something

of your background,

Mr. Livingston.

Besides the fact that it

was your donated shoes that were stolen.

What other connection

might you have with this case?

Well, I was an orphan.

I grew up in that home.

I don't understand what type of person

steals from homeless children.

You're no fan of mine.

(SNORING)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

-(FARTS)

-(SNIFFS)

It was all because of your

no-good, dirty-rotten,

pig-stealing

great-great-grandfather.

That's who sealed our destiny.

Why do you think

none of his inventions work?

Pa.

I learn from failure.

Doesn't matter how... how smart you are.

You need luck. Something we ain't got.

Yeah, what about your father,

the first Stanley Yelnats?

He wasn't so unlucky.

You told me he made a fortune

in the stock market.

STANLEY II:
Some luck.

Yeah, he lost everything.

He was robbed by Kissin' Kate Barlow.

Get on up outta there!

Gimme your loot!

(GUN C*CKS)

Are you kidding me?

She kiss him?

(SMOOCHES)

Oh, no. She only kissed the men

she killed.

What you got down there, huh?

Pass it up! Come on!

She left him stranded in the desert.

Come on, boys! Let's ride!

No water, no food, for 16 days.

If she'd have kissed him,

she'd have killed him.

You'd have never been born.

(SNORING CONTINUES)

(REVEILLE PLAYS)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

DR. PENDANSKI:

Smiling faces! Smiling faces!

The early mole digs the deepest hole.

Shovels on the left,

tortillas on the right.

Let's go!

Okay, come and get it.

Let's go!

Come on, Magnet! Open them peepers!

Let's go! Let's go!

Head's still on the pillow!

This ain't no dreamland,

it's... it's reality.

DR. PENDANSKI:
Let's go, hotshots!

Step up and get your...

Hey, man, you picked up X-Ray's shovel.

It's shorter than the rest of them.

Smaller shovel, smaller hole.

(SINGING)

H-e-e-e-ey

Oh, sinners, let's go down

Let's go down

Let's go down

Oh, sinners, let's go down

Down in the valley to pray

Oh, sinners

-Let's go down

-MR. SIR:
This isn't a girl scout camp.

Nobody's gonna babysit ya.

Let's go down

-Dig here.

-Oh, sinners, let's go down

-Now, if you find anything interesting...

-Down in the valley to pray

...you are to report it to me

or Pendanski.

If the Warden like what you find,

you get the rest of the day off.

(SINGING)

H-e-e-e-ey

What am I supposed to be

looking for, Mr. Sir?

You're not looking for anything.

You're building character.

You take a bad boy,

make him dig holes all day in the hot sun,

and it turns him into a good boy.

That's our philosophy

here at Camp Green Lake.

Start digging.

(SINGING)

Show me the way

Good lord, show me the way

One down, 10 million to go.

(SINGING)

Show me the way

Good lord, show me the way

Oh, sinners, let's go down

Let's go down

Let's go down

(GROANS)

Excuse me, can you throw that

in another pile or something,

-'cause it keeps getting in my hole.

-Shut up! Just shut up!

Watch where you're moving your dirt!

X-RAY:
Watch where you're throwing

your dirt, Stanley.

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