Holiday Camp

(Whistles)

- There's room here.

- Thanks.

- Are you on your own?

- (Whistles)

-Oh, here you are, Joanie, give him to me.

- No, he's all right, Mum.

Oh, no, he'd love to come to Granny.

Wouldn't you, duckie? Yes, there you are. Look.

Here we go again. (Tuts)

- Oh, l'm so sorry. Are you two together?

- Well, we were, but er...it's all right.

Oh, no, no, l'll sit there.

(Laughs)

- Have one of mine?

- Oh, no, no.

- Oh, it's all right. l've got lots more.

- Oh, thanks.

- Ever been to this part of the world before?

- No. You?

- Yes, l was stationed near here

when l was on ops.

- Oh, were you in the RAF?

- Matter of fact, l was.

l thought l recognised the RAF type.

- l was in the WAF.

- Good show!

Let that be a bond between us...

if you know what l mean.

- (Whistles)

- Have you been to the holiday camp before?

- (Whistles)

- l come every year.

Oh, it's wonderful. You'll love it.

Always something going on.

They've got two marvellous dance halls.

- Do you dance?

- (Whistles)

- You will before the week's out.

- (Whistles)

'Ere, Dad, you take him a minute.

- Wipe his hands first, l've got my best suit on.

- Let Granny wipe your hands, duckie.

(Baby cries)

- Aw!

- Let me have him, Mum.

- No, you had him all the way down.

- l'd like to.

- No, he's all right.

Why don't you let her have her own kid

if she wants him?

l want her to have a proper holiday.

That's what she's come for.

What do you think l've come for? Oh!

TANNO Y:
Farley Radio calling all campers.

Welcome to all our new guests.

We hope you had a good journey

and that you're ready for the cup of tea

waiting for you.

The Redcoats will show you the way...

- l can't see our cases anywhere.

- Don't fuss, you'll get 'em all right.

Where's Harry?

- Oh, Harry, there you are!

- Don't worry, Mum!

Joe, l can't see anywhere where it says ''Ladies.''

What about this?

- Well, that says ''Lasses.'' That can't mean me.

- lt certainly don't mean me.

- lt's either one thing or the other, love.

- Oh, dear.

Harry!

- Harry!

- Yes, Dad?

- Here you are, this is you.

- Thanks, Dad. See you later.

Oh, Joe, l wish we was all going to be together.

l don't like them splitting us up like this.

Oh, come off it, Mother.

You're always worrying about something.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Are we gonna be shipmates?

- That's right.

l'll toss you for who chooses the bunks. You call.

- Heads.

- lt's a tail.

- l'll stick to this one, you have that one, OK?

- OK.

My name's Gardner, Jimmy Gardner.

My name's Harry Huggett.

Here by yourself?

No, worst luck. l had to bring the family with me.

- Brought your girlfriend as well?

- Not likely. l've come for a holiday.

- Gosh! ls all that chocolate?

- Yup.

Four months' ration. All counted.

Saved it up for my girlfriend.

- What? ls she coming here?

- Yes, she should be in by now.

l don't go for dames myself.

- Through with women, eh?

- That's right.

Well, don't you worry.

You'll fall over the kerb one day, same as l did.

Well, l'm gonna see if she's come aboard.

- Ah, good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

- ls that my bed?

- Yes, l left you the one in the corner.

That's very sporting of you.

- Cigarette?

- No, thank you.

- Fond of music, l see, eh?

- Yes.

l do a bit of strumming myself.

Mostly boogie-woogie stuff.

- What on earth are you going to do with all that?

- Play it.

- What, here?

- Yes, l'm deputising for the orchestra pianist.

- Oh, that's not much of a holiday for you.

- Oh, l don't mind.

- Do you know this part of the world?

- No.

Not exactly Monte Carlo, is it? Dear old Monte.

l remember a wizard weekend l had there.

August, '39 it was. Wonderful weather,

wonderful wine, wonderful women.

Especially one. Daughter of a count, she was.

We had a flutter at the casino one night,

and just as we were completely cleaned out,

l opened my cigarette case,

saw a hundred-franc note, so l said...

Oh.

(Laughter)

(Knocking)

Everything all right?

- May l come in for a minute?

- Well, er... Do you mind?

That's all right. l was going out anyway.

Michael, we mustn't. Not here.

- Why not?

- Someone might come in.

What does that matter?

Oh...it would all have been so wonderful

somewhere else.

Darling, it is a job, and we're together.

- But there's so many people.

- That makes it easier.

l'm frightened. l keep thinking they know.

That girl, she looks at me so strangely.

Don't be silly, darling.

How could she possibly know?

Michael, supposing we're found

and made to go back.

Nobody knows where we are,

or what we're doing, or anything.

We've got one whole week together.

Let's make the most of it.

Darling.

Er...Miss, can you tell me if a Miss Helen

Andrews has checked in yet, please?

- Miss Andrews?

- Yes.

Miss Andrews has cancelled her reservation, sir.

- Cancelled it? Are you sure?

- Quite sure.

Well, did she leave any message for me?

My name's Gardner.

- Mr James Gardner?

- Yeah, that's right.

- There's a letter for you.

- Thank you.

- Hungry?

- No.

- Find out about your girl?

- Yes, thanks.

- l thought you were saving that for her.

- l was.

Four ruddy months l went without my ration

so she could have it. Crazy on it, she was.

When l was stationed at Pompey l used to see

her in the evening, and she always used to say,

''Have you got any chocolate, Jimmy?

l do love chocolate.''

For four months l didn't have a bite.

l even bought a ration off a bloke

who had bad teeth!

- Then she goes and walks out on me.

- No!

The times l thought to myself:

what wouldn't l give now for a bit of nutty?

Then l thought:

no, l'll save it all for her, she's worth it.

l must have been mad!

Well, l'll show her!

Well? What are you gonna do?

l'm gonna eat it!

Every ruddy bar of it, even if it kills me!

l think they've overbaked my new perm.

When l go out in the weather,

it frizzes up like anything.

- l think it's very nice.

- So it ought to, considering what it cost.

Still, l always say, what's money for?

You don't get much chance

to spend it in service,

so why not blow it all on your holiday

and have a good time? Don't you think so?

l hardly know.

l haven't had a real holiday for 20 years.

Coo! Whatever sort of job did you have?

Why didn't you change it?

l couldn't.

You see, l was looking after my mother.

She died two months ago.

We always went to Torquay in the summer.

Always the same rooms, full of old people.

- All with patent medicines on their tables.

- l know.

ln the morning, l used to push Mother

in her Bath chair along the front,

until she'd say...''Well, dear,

l think we've had the best of the day.''

And then... then we'd go in.

ln the afternoon, we knitted, and in the evening,

we sat up till the nine o'clock news. Then bed.

Then another day just the same as the last.

Poor Mother. l know she tried not to be difficult.

And l really think she was very happy,

in her way.

But you weren't, eh?

Well, you couldn't have come to a better place

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