Holiday Camp Page #2

than this to take you out of yourself.

l hope you're right.

At any rate,

l felt l couldn't stand Torquay again ever.

l wouldn't go anywhere else but here,

not for the world.

l shall come back even after l'm married.

- Are you engaged, then?

- Well, not exactly.

But l'm expecting to be by the end of the week.

- Why, is your young man here, then?

- l hope so.

Ooh, he must be this time.

Every year l says to myself the same thing.

''Elsie Dawson,'' l says,

''There are five thousand people in this camp.

Suppose two thousand are males

and half of them are free and unattached.

Surely one of them must be looking for you.

lt's up to me to spot him first.

Before anyone else, if you follow me.

That's the trouble. They never do.

Follow me, l mean.

Do you think man is still the hunter?

l don't know much about that sort of thing.

TANNO Y:
Farley Radio calling all campers.

We would like to remind all parents

that there's a special tea served daily

for all children who do not want to stay up

for the evening meal.

Don't forget, take the kiddies

to the Junior Games Room at four o'clock.

- Does that sort of thing go on all the time?

- Pretty well. Why? Don't you like it?

l don't think l can stand it.

Oh, you'll get used to it.

ln a day or two, you won't notice it at all.

Everything okeydoke, sister?

Hey, Steve, come here.

- What's the matter?

- This cork's loose.

So what? l er... l had one for the road.

Huh. l should think you did.

Well, here we are. Meal tickets for two.

-You keep your mind on these and not on that.

- OK, OK.

But er...what about a quick one

before we start in?

OK. Only remember, we've got to

make our expenses, and a bit over.

There's a... There was a bit on the bus

that er...l'd like to make over.

- Did you see it?

- Yeah.

Bit too up and down for my liking.

l like mine just a little more straight.

The day you like something straight,

l'll hang the flags out.

Well, here's to a spot of luck.

We don't need luck.

Just you deal them in the right places.

Come on, let's go out and find the customers.

Blimey! Haven't you finished unpacking yet?

You're like the donkey's tail! All behind! (Laughs)

l'll put this across your behind

if you don't turn it up.

- Found 'em yet, Mother?

- No.

You'll have to wear what you've come down in.

l can't. They draw my feet something chronic.

Baby's very quiet. See what he's doing, Joe.

And tell him not to.

My shoes! And my toothbrush! lt would be!

- You might look after him, Mother!

- l haven't got eight eyes like an octopus!

Did you pack my hair oil like l asked you, Mum?

Oh, did l? Wait a minute.

Yes, l remember packing it plain as anything.

'Ere, you remember me putting it in,

don't you, Joe?

l can't remember nothing. My mind's a blank.

What do you want to go round

putting that muck in your hair for?

You don't want me to go round looking like you,

do you?

One more crack like that and l'll crown you!

Haven't you two finished unpacking yet?

That's right, come on, roll up, roll up,

plenty of room inside. What do you want?

- Can l help you, Mum?

- No, dear.

Just leave me alone and l'll sort everything out

in my own good time.

- Sure?

- Yes!

You are in a mess.

l think l'll take baby for a walk.

No, dear, he's all right.

Nearly his bedtime anyway.

You get out and enjoy yourself.

- What about you enjoying yourself?

- l like having him, he's no trouble.

And you ought to have a good time

while you're on holiday.

lt's supposed to be your holiday too, you know.

l'd be quite happy

if only everyone'll leave me alone.

- All right.

(Baby grizzles)

- Here's the iron.

- Come on, Harry.

MOTHER:
Now perhaps l can get on.

You shouldn't keep the kid

away from her so much, Mother. lt ain't natural.

lt ain't natural for her not to have an 'usband

and she won't find one

moping around with a kid.

All right, all right!

- What did you say you did with my binoculars?

- Oh, you and your binoculars.

Makes me wild every time l look at them.

Fancy swapping our good pram

for rubbish like that!

- What good's a pram to you?

- Now, Joe, no need to be vulgar.

- Where's baby?

- How should l know?

Well, look! l can't do everything!

Hello! You've been quick!

l don't believe in wasting time.

l'm putting on the wolf bait straight away.

- Who's the wolf?

- That RAF type. We've got a swimming date.

Why don't you come?

You might find someone too.

- l don't think l will, if you don't mind.

- Oh, snap out of it, Joan.

You didn't come here

to spend your time knitting.

We all know you took a bad knock

when Bill was killed, but that was ages ago.

- Only two years.

- Look, Bill was a grand type.

But you can't spend forever

carrying a torch for him. He wouldn't want you to.

l'm just not interested in anyone else.

l might as well go about looking like

a wet weekend cos Ronnie's on the Rhine.

l'm sorry, it's just the way l feel.

- l don't think Ron would like it if he knew.

- Oh, Ron wouldn't mind.

When we got engaged, he said

he wasn't the type to tie a girl down.

- He's very broadminded.

- Perhaps it's just as well he is.

Are you going to tell him

everything you do this week?

He's not that broadminded, dear!

Come on, get into your swimsuit

and let's give the locals an eyeful.

TANNO Y:
Farley Radio calling all campers.

Dinner will be served in two minutes'time,

so will you please make your way

to the dining hall now?

Dinner in two minutes. Thank you.

So l said, ''Where are we?''

And the navigator said,

''l haven't got a clue, old chap.''

l remember it well,

that was the night we bombed Hamburg.

And, boy, was that a wizard prang!

- l thought you said you were in fighters.

- No, that was way back in 1 940.

l was shifted to Bomber Command,

mostly on night operations.

l can quite believe that.

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

No, come along in.

l was feeling a bit cold this side.

Thanks ever so.

l say, haven't we met before somewhere?

l'm sorry, l don't think l've had that pleasure.

TANNO Y:
Good evening, campers.

Enjoying your dinner?

ALL:
Yes!

TANNO Y:
Well, that wasn't much of a response,

was it? Let's try again.

ALL:
Yes!

- l think it's gonna be all right here.

- lt better had be.

All that sort of stuff gives me the willies.

l could do with a hand of cards, myself.

l suppose you wouldn't care for a game?

No, l can't shuffle a pack. l've hurt my hand.

Oh. What did you do to it?

Well, l was leaning out the front of my bus

one day and ran over it with the front wheel.

(Laughs)

- Huh?

- Like some more plums and custard?

- l don't want mine.

- No, thanks.

- Do you ever play poker?

- Well, er...not much.

You'd pick it up in no time.

Why don't you come to our chalet one night?

TANNO Y:
Hello, campers.

Still enjoying your dinner?

ALL:
Yes!

- What's the matter, Val?

- l was just thinking.

Supposing Auntie phones the school

and finds l'm not there.

lt doesn't matter who she phones

or what she does. She won't find us here.

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