Holiday Camp Page #3

- You promised you'd forget it.

- l'm sorry.

l will try.

TANNO Y:
And now, campers, we've a grand

entertainment for you tomorrow morning.

At 1 1 o'clock, there'll be a display of trick diving

in the swimming pool.

All those wishing to enter

for the tennis tournament

must hand in their names before 3pm.

- Sure you won't come with us?

- No, not tonight. l'm tired.

OK.

Joanie! Joanie!

Look, drop that into Harry as you go by.

lt's his hair oil for in the morning,

you know what he is.

- OK. Good night, Mum.

- Good night, dear.

Remember, you're here to enjoy yourself,

so don't worry.

l'm all right. And don't you worry

about you know what.

Joe? Oh!

(Knocking)

Oh, l just came to leave the hair oil for Harry.

? You put your left arm in

? Your left arm out

? You put your left arm in

and you shake it all about

? You do the hokey-cokey

and you turn around

? That's what it's all about

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? That's what it's all about

? Put your right arm in, your right arm out

? Your right arm in and you shake it all about

? You do the hokey-cokey and you turn around

? That's what it's all about

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? That's what it's all about

? Put your left leg in, your left leg out

? Your left leg in and you shake it all about

? You do the hokey-cokey and you turn around

? That's what it's all about

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? Oh, oh, the hokey-cokey

? That's what it's all about

Well, campers, that's not too bad.

But l still think you're feeling a bit strange.

So l'd like every lad to turn to the lass on his left

and give her a big, friendly kiss!

Well, now that we're all quite happy,

let's have a spot of Knees Up, Mother Brown!

? Knees Up, Mother Brown

After all these years, fancy behaving like that.

l tell you, l was only doing

what the bandleader said.

lt's the way you did it.

l don't know when l felt so ashamed.

TANNO Y:
This is Farley Radio

calling all campers.

Here is your announcer

wishing you all a very good night.

Good morning, everyone!

Farley Radio calling all campers.

Good morning to you once more.

There's a bright and breezy day

waiting for you outside,

so show a leg, lads and lassies.

Rub the sleep out of your eyes and get ready

for another grand session of fun and games.

(Jaunty piano)

lNSTRUCTOR:
Change!

lNSTRUCTOR:
Change!

lNSTRUCTOR:
Down!

One, two, three, up!

One, two, three, up!

Ooh! l've had about enough of this, Joe.

Stick it, Mother. Good money we're paying

for this, we don't want to waste it.

Hey, sailor, you dropped something!

Oh, it's you. Hair oil.

Look, l'm terribly sorry about last night.

l didn't seem to feel too well.

What do you expect

if you stuff yourself with chocolate?

- Who told you?

- Your chalet mate. He's my brother.

- Oh, then you know about er...

- Yes.

- You're packing it up, aren't you?

- Yeah, that's the idea.

- Why?

- Nothing to stay here for.

Four months l've been looking forward

to bright lights and lovely grub,

- and what do l find when l get here?

- There's plenty of both here.

Bright lights and lovely grub doesn't mean that.

lt's sailors' talk for going on leave,

meeting your girl, having a good time.

Bright lights and lovely grub.

That's what everyone wants.

- Yeah, well, they don't get 'em.

- Well you won't get it by running away!

- Well, l won't get it if l stay here now.

- Rubbish!

- You've paid for your holiday, haven't you?

- Yeah.

Well, are you gonna let her

take that away from you too?

No.

Look, er...if l stay here,

will you come and have a drink with me?

- l don't drink.

- What do you do?

l was just going for a swim.

You can come along if you like.

- OK, it's a date!

- Only no strings.

- How do you mean?

- l don't want you to get any wrong ideas.

l'm just gonna be someone you know.

The girl who lives next door. OK?

OK!

- Oh, quick! Can you help me?

- Oh, what is it?

The girl in my chalet, she's fainted.

- Better fetch the camp doctor.

- Right.

- What's the matter?

- She's fainted.

Leave her to me. l'll look after her.

- You'd better help me put her on the bed.

- Yes.

No pillow. lt's only a faint, l think.

The camp doctor's on the way.

Oh, please leave her to me.

She's so afraid of strangers.

- Oh, all right.

- Oh, l'll do it.

lt's very good of you.

l'm afraid l always stuff my handbag too full.

l really must get it mended.

l do hope she'll be all right.

Val.

- Val, darling.

- ln here, Doctor.

You'd better go, young man.

You can see her later.

(Gentle tune)

And when l saw both engines burning,

l thought it was curtains for me.

l give you my word, it looked like being the end

of the House of Hardwick.

- Are you the only one of the family left, then?

- Oh, all except my old man.

When he dies, the place comes to me.

l don't really want the house.

lt needs a regiment of servants to run it.

l think l'll let it to a school

and move into the home farm.

- l suppose you live there all the time.

- Oh, good heavens, no. Only weekends.

l've got a little flat in Park Lane

l use during the week.

Like me. l only come for weekends, too.

The rest of the time l'm in town.

Not Park Lane, though.

We must meet up one evening,

have a spot of dinner.

There's a marvellous place in Mount Street.

The head waiter knows me

and can always get us something special.

- Oh, l'd love that.

- Another drink on that?

l don't think l'd better.

l'm a little out of practice.

Nonsense. Drinking's like riding a bicycle.

Once learned, never forgotten.

Here we are.

Just this one. Then l must go and see

what my poor girlfriend's doing.

- l've left her alone all evening.

- You'll do nothing of the sort.

- Who's gonna stop me?

- l am.

You and who else?

- You're hurting me!

- l'm so sorry.

- l don't know my own strength.

- No, you certainly don't.

Caveman.

l just heard a rumour

there's a beautiful moon outside.

- What does that make me?

- Very dangerous.

Drink up, let's go and see if we can find it.

- l don't know that l can trust myself with you.

- l warn you now, you can't.

l'll take a chance. l still know how to scream.

- You know what l fancy tonight, Mother?

- There's a concert on, and a dance.

No, l'm in the mood

for a nice quiet game of snooker.

- Snooker? Oh!

- You can watch.

lt's better than jitterbugging.

What about it, Harry?

- Me? Oh, sorry, Dad, l can't play it.

- Well, it's time you learned. l'll show you.

l haven't got the time. l've got a date.

- Some other time.

- Blimey!

He's in and out like a puff of wind in a colander.

Kids? l don't know why we went in for 'em.

They want to enjoy themselves.

Only human nature.

Well, there's a deal too much human nature

in the world these days.

- How could there be?

- Well, there is, and l don't hold with it.

Look, Joe, if you want to play snooker

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