Hollywood Ending Page #2

A gift like this will never drop

in your lap again.

Just take the meeting with Yeager.

- And Ellie.

- Yes, and Ellie.

I'll get you half amillion dollars.

A lousy half milthey're offer...

They want to buy prestige at the Shrine

on Oscar night for ahalf mil?

There's no offer yet.

I reject their offer!

- There's nothingto reject.

- Well, I reject it anyhow.

You meet with him and be nice,

or I'm out of here.

I finally get an offer worthy of

my gifts and look where it comes from!

There is no offer yet. I am so tired

of allthis bigtalk...

...about how big you were ten years ago.

Things change. You can't get work.

- Part of me wants it badly.

- Andthe other part?

Also wants it. That'sthe problem.

- It only takes one hit.

- I know.

I want arole.

I'm not hired yet. He hasto meet me

andthrow his weight around.

Not just abit part.

I want to show what I can do.

I can't stick my girlfriend

inthe movie.

But I'm good.

I told youto take acting lessons.

I'm anatural. Classes would ruin me.

Ellie feels guilty, so this is her way

of clearing her conscience.

Great! Who cares how it came about?

This whole thing is creepy, Lori.

This is a woman I was married

to for 10 years.

We made love! I held her over

the toilet when she threw up.

From making love with you?

Not from making love!

From eating sushi.

I usedto hug her

when she was afraid of flying.

I kissed her ontop

of the Eiffel Tower.

I swam inthe moonlight

with her at Montauk.

Now I have to take

ameeting with her?

I have very mixed feelings. This guy

hasto show me he's changed.

He's not in aposition

to make demands.

Because it was over for him years ago!

All he's done for years...

...is garbage! I'm not saying

that as criticism.

The question is, do I let this has-been

make his comeback on my money?

He's not ahas-been. He's a very good

director who's fallen on hardtimes.

He brought it on himself!

He's his own worst enemy!

Think of the press angle.

Val Waxman does his comeback film

for Galaxie Pictures.

What good isthat

if he ruinsthe picture?

He won't ruin it!

No, because I'll fire him.

I won't take temperamental antics

from some "auteur" genius.

- Auteur.

- Whatever.

You're doing ajack story.

He can do this film better

than anyone else.

We'll see.

- You're so nervous.

- I'm not nervous. I'mtense.

You're nervous.

No, I'mtense. When I'm nervous, I bite

my nails. When I'mtense, I do this.

Just calm down

and act professional.

I'm fine. But this is a guy

who stole my wife.

Years ago, I would never have made

a film for him.

Now I'm auditioning for him?

It's crazy.

I would kill for this job.

But the people I want to kill are

the people offering me the job.

What isthat?

Inthe cab, I took ablue pill.

That wasto calm my anger,

but it had speed in it...

...so I took another pill

to calm downthe speed.

Well, this gets me back up

to speed where I want to be...

...for the meeting.

Great. Perfect.

That other pill I took keeps me

dry when it's raining out.

- Ellie! Wonderfulto see you.

- Hello, Al.

Hello, Val.

- Al, how are you?

- Nice to see you.

You know Hal.

I'm so glad you could get here.

Are they still having power

failures?

I readthere was aterrible power

failure in California.

- Al, you want somethingto drink?

- Coffee.

They saidthe electricity

was going off...

Come on in.

Since when do you wear suits?

You have milk?

You never wore suits.

Cream!

Val, you look very good.

I'm okay. I've been having

some back spasms...

...and I have atorn rotator cuff,

and, uh, my knee, I have...

I have ahearing loss. It's so odd.

In my left ear.

What'd youthink of the script?

The script? Well...

...the movie it's based on

was a stupid little potboiler.

He's asking about the script, Val.

The rewrite is good.

Thanksto Ellie.

It's good. I thinkthis could make...

...atough, gritty,

New York big city movie.

You can't make any money just

in big cities.

Well, where wouldthis play?

It won't...

...appealto farmers,

or shopping malls in Biloxi.

I disagree.

Mounted properly, this picture

will have universal appeal.

Where do youthink

the demographics are?

The demographics?

You mean why the country got

so stupid suddenly?

My theory is fast foods.

The film's age group.

Where do you see it?

The age? Uh, this will appeal

to, you know...

...adults and...

...teenagers, young adults...

...and, kids, adolescents,

I think...

...toddlers, I imagine. Newborns.

Our marketing research showsthe

film has wide appeal for both sexes.

Yes, I agree. Andthen some.

- But the script has some holes in it.

- Oh, Val.

Like what?

Well, the climax, for instance.

I thinkthe climax comes...

...too early. It should come

fter the trial scene.

Didn't I say that? The inciting

event should come later.

Andthe character of Benny...

I feel we should shoot Benny with

ahandheld camera, not a Steadicam.

It should be nervous,

like his inner personality.

I don't know if I like that.

You said it could be

with a Steadicam.

How do you feel about this? What if

we shot the picture in black and white?

Why?

- New York is ablack and white town.

- Forget it.

Arty. It's arty.

Anybody have an aspirin?

Try one of these.

My herbalist gave themto me.

I can do this picture.

I have a feel for it.

I see it all, maybe

with a Cole Porter score.

Okay, well, let us discuss it.

We're talkingto other directors.

We'll let you know.

Maybe Irving Berlin

or something, because...

We have to discuss it.

If there ever was a Val Waxman

property, this is it.

We'll keep intouch.

- Anyone got aXanax?

- Zantac. I got an ulcer, too.

NotZantac. Xanax. It's a completely

different problem.

Can I talkto you for a second?

Listen, Val. Sorry.

It was great seeing you again.

- You've got an herbalist?

- Yeah, he's a genius.

In Beverly Hills, he's a genius.

In New York, he'd be low-normal.

We use a different rating system.

When we were kids, there were ten

foreign films a week inthe city.

Italian, French, Spanish...

Italian films. I love them!

Val Waxman. Any messages?

You sure?

Did you see my cat?

Isn't it neat?

- Anything?

- Not yet. No.

We were discussing Hitchcock. Truffaut

said "Notorious" was his best film.

I agree. A masterpiece.

What? You hate that movie.

The ending makes you crazy.

Because it's amasterpiece.

Every time I watch Cary Grant carry

Ingrid Bergman downthe stairs...

...I thinkthe Germans will

catchthem.

No matter how many times I see it.

Hitchcock was an artist,

but commercial.

You say that like it's good.

You have to be both.

He knew what he was doing.

In making movies, you have to think

about the audience...

...or you're just making movies for

yourself. It's artistic masturbation.

Right. You're anarcissist.

Then I'm a classic narcissist.

Have I told you my views

on masturbation?

For me, the nicest thing

about masturbation is afterward...

the cuddlingtime.

They're laughing. I'm not joking.

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