Hollywood Ending Page #6

It's blue and, uh, brown and yellow.

Is it alittle dark?

Who are you?

Al Hack, his agent.

Al, can I speakto you a second?

I'll be right back. Don't worry.

Not that you're not welcome... you know

I love you... but this is a closed set.

He really needs me.

He likes me to be with him.

I know, but aman of your stature,

an agent...

...it intimidates people.

- You look great. You had any work done?

- Just here.

- Who do you go to? Not that I need it.

- Fred.

Oh, he's incredible.

Can you get me aprice?

I think we may be alittle too light.

Would you prefer

I take it one shade darker?

Well, you know, that's apossibility.

What do youthink?

What would you do?

I don't know. I could make it all match

the upholstery.

Yes, that's brilliant!

That's what I would do.

Chief, what alarm clock

do you want to go with?

That, that one.

- Which one?

- That one. Yes.

I'm sorry, which?

Yes. That one. Yes. Yes.

- The wind-up or the electric?

- The wind-up. I like the wind-up.

Why is it so difficult?

Excuse me. Can I see you for a second?

Just stay with me.

Al, this is not working.

Don't worry. It'll be fine. But this

is a closed set and I have to leave.

Listento me. Just go to Plan B.

We have no Plan B.

Plan B... we find somebody

who youtrust to help you.

Tell someone the truth?

Yes! Someone you can rely on. Someone

who's naturally around you...

...who won't look odd. Maybe the A.D.

What about the script girl?

We can't do that.

If they get caught,...

...they'll never work

inthe business again.

I have aresponsibility

to Ellie and evento Hal.

You have aresponsibility to yourself!

You have agent's ethics.

I can't go by you.

Don't hit me with oxymorons.

We're in a crisis!

Wait aminute.

What about the Chinese kid?

- The translator?

- Yes, the translator.

He's abusiness student at NYU.

He doesn't want to work in film.

If he's caught, it's no big deal.

- Well, he is always around me.

- See?

Val, I have the actors.

We're ready.

Don't worry. I'll get youto the set.

Just relax.

It'll be fine.

I'm acting so crazy.

Everyone will notice.

You have areputation for being crazy.

It'll work in your favor.

Watch out. One step, one step. Easy.

Very good.

Can I have Mr. Waxman's chair here?

The director needs his chair!

Thank you very much.

Here, sit. Your lucky chair.

Isn't that wonderful?

Sit. Be relaxed. Very good.

Good luck.

I can't work

with outside people watching.

Nobody's goingto be watching.

Do you like this one or this one?

I like that one.

This? 'Cause

this one's more appropriate,

but this one's more theatrical.

You can use this one if you like,

but I prefer that one. That one.

The first or the second?

I'd like to make my entrance

fromthe stairs.

What? Who ordered? Who ordered?

What's happening?

What's happening?

How should I kiss her?

You know, onthe mouth.

- What about my mouth?

- No, kiss her onthe mouth.

But we originally discussed

some passionate way of grabbing her.

Oh, well, use both lips.

Could I talkto you for just a second?

- Me?

- Just for aminute.

- They need me.

- Actually, the director...

- The director asked me to talkto you.

- Mr. Waxman?

Yes. It's a chance

to earn extra salary.

You seemto be a very responsible

young man. Are you?

You should move left.

You got me doingtwo things at once.

I don't know what you want.

You should cross left.

Me? If I crossto my left,

I'll bump into him.

- You needn't demonstrate.

- I'll knock him over.

Where isthe translator?

He's supposedto be on set!

I have a very important message

for you.

For me?

I'm here to help you.

I know about your secret.

Don't!

Cut!

Very good. That wasterrific.

Was it very good? Was it very good?

I don't see the dramatic impact of it...

...but it was improved fromthe random

chaos you were encouraging.

Oh, thank you. You didn't

like the random chaos?

Can we go again just for safety?

One more?

We're approaching ahallway right now,

so we'll walk slowly. Nobody's here.

Practically nobody. Be careful.

I'mtryingto be casual,

but it's extremely difficult.

Sorry, boss, you okay?

I thought you saw me.

I'm fine. It was all my fault.

I forgive you.

Sir, he's not there anymore.

You're talkingto air.

Why didn't you warn me?

I thought you saw him.

This is very weird for me.

- Once I did aid a deaf uncle.

- You're goingtoo fast.

Okay, slowly. It's very weird.

I helped out a deaf uncle

a few years ago,

but we didn't have

to hide it like this.

This is great.

Do we use this one tomorrow

or the big one?

Wow, these

are beautiful pocket watches.

I would go withthe big one,

definitely.

Val, how do you feel

the first day went?

The first day was, you know,

like the first day.

It's a shakedown, where you weed

out the malcontents.

I'd love to speak with you for

a few minutes, if you're not too busy.

Sir, you said you wanted

to show me that piece of jade.

Jade?

If you're busy, we can do this later.

Yes, I am. I have, uh...

Thank you.

That's all I couldthink

of to extricate you.

You realize there's no piece

of jade.

Yes, I get it. There's no jade.

Everything okay?

So far our conspiracy

has gone undetected.

Perfect. Val, I'lltake you

to your shrink.

Same drilltomorrow, Chou.

I'll practice casual banter.

Very good, good.

To observe Val Waxman directing...

...one wouldthink he has no idea

what he's doing.

I wonder if he is one of those cinema

geniuses who thrive on chaos...

...like Fellini.

He always seems distracted.

He never looks anyone inthe eye...

...and must be juggling amillonthings

in his mind.

It's easy to see why his reputation

is one of an eccentric.

I notice, too, what a great interest

he has inthe photography...

...as he is always conferring withthe

cameramanthrough histranslator.

How were the dailies?

Sir, I'm not a film student, hence,

apoor judge.

I study business and as an investment,

I wouldn't...

He cannot understand what you're doing.

He thinks it's very odd.

How were the performances?

I wouldn't know. But you heardthem.

Or is your hearing faculty failing, too?

My hearing is fine! But are they making

too many faces?

What about the scenes

without dialogue?

Well, I understandthem,

but I've readthe script.

But I must confess... careful, steps...

...there is a strong sense of,

um, incoherence.

Incoherence? Great. That's exactly

what I'm going for.

Well, how were they?

I'm happy. They were great!

Whichtake was best

of the robbery scene?

- The first one.

- The last one.

The first part of the last is better

thanthe last part of the first...

...but the middle take's probably

the most overall.

I smell magic here.

How's it going?

Okay. He confers alot with his

cameramanthroughthe translator...

...whichtakestime, but I got my foot

to the pedal. Pedalto the metal.

Put him on, will you?

I'll find him.

Carol, send some flowers

to Haley Joel Osment with a card.

"Congratulations on your Lifetime

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