Holy Man

This product really works.

Not only does it clean

and condition the hair,

it sets the hair as well by getting

deep down into the root system.

Each blade

has been authenticated...

by an actual 13th-century

Japanese warlord's direct descendent.

We are talking

a 42-inch razor blade, folks.

I personally have cut myself

numerous times. [ Yells ]

Money is a living,

breathing thing, Geri.

If you disrespect money,

its feelings get hurt...

and it will leave you

just like your two husbands did.

When you are down,

your money is sad.

And when you are strong,

your money is very, very happy.

No fear.

No panic.

Just be myself.

Just be myself.

I'm ready.

I'm prepared.

The new guy's

gonna like me...

- 'cause I'm a skilled

and confident profession--

- [ Knock At Door ]

- Mr Rick, you--

- Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Thank you, honey.

Good, better, best. Never let it rest

until your good is better...

and your better is best.

And then, you know,

when crucial decisions are made...

people get left behind.

We're the future. Listen. It reminds

me of a story in my personal life.

In the early '60s, my father

was in the eyeglass business.

And one day,

my uncle, uh, comes to him...

and he says,

"Leo, we gotta make a change.

The future is in Plexiglas."

My father said, "Plexiglas is crap,

and I'm not gonna sell it."

And he didn't, and you know what

happened? The public wanted it.

My uncle got into Plexi,

made a fortune.

My dad, he hurled himself out

the 17th-floor window of his office.

If it'd been Plexiglas,

he'd still be here. I'll hold.

Hi. Of course, I'm kidding.

I'm pretty sure my dad's still alive.

The point is:
Don't be like him.

Don't miss the boat.

Come on.

Sell your product on our channel.

In 6 months, if you still don't

like us, we call it quits--

Of course it makes sense.

I know it is.

- Great. And your stockholders

won't regret it.

- It's bulletproof.

Fire!

[ Screams ]

Ricky, these eye massagers,

what do ya think, huh?

What is that, the white mask of Zorro?

You're spookin' me out.

- Ricky. Ricky. Great.

- Hey, Al!

- How've you been?

- Good, good, good.

- Look, I wanted to show you these mats.

- I've seen those. No, thank you.

- These are different. They're doormats.

- I've seen them.

- They're made to look like grass.

Got it. Don't want it. Thank you.

- Okay.

Tim George has offered me

a good price over at QVC.

Okay, lemme see, lemme see.

What's the gimmick? Give me the thing.

- It works for all four seasons.

- Yeah?

This one is summer.

Autumn.

- Spring.

- Look like kids did this.

- Winter. Huh?

- Oh, look at that.

We call it the Four Seasons Pad.

It's educational.

- Educational? That's not

gonna get me to buy them.

- Tim George wants 100,000.

That gets me to buy 'em.

Okay, come up with a name

other than the Four Seasons Pad.

That sounds like a sanitary napkin,

or I don't know what.

And call me later,

and we'll work out the details.

- Can we work out the deal now,

in case later you're in, um--

- [ Man ] Hey, Ricky.

- I know McBainbridge starts today.

- What, it's like I'm getting fired?

- No, no! I did not--

- I'll give you a chop. Okay. Hey!

Leave some here, and we'll get

what's-his-name-- the dog from Frasier--

- Eddie. Great.

- Eddie to sell some

on his show tonight. Tonight.

- Great. Thank you. Thank you.

- Call me up. Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Okay. [ Gasps ]

- Ladies! How many

lovely ladies can there be?

- Hey!

Hey! Fresca. Mm!

How's my favourite foot model?

- Great.

- You look so beautiful.

Let me see that foot.

- What are we selling?

- Mood toe rings.

[ Gasps ] Gimme the shoe. Take the shoe.

Take that. Oh, look at the--

Oh! Oh!

This makes me happy.

Look at the toes.

Like candies, like Red Hots.

So succulent. Excuse me. Hello.

Want to know your emotions?

Maybe some other time.

I know how I'm feeling today.

- [ Ladies ] Ooh!

- Wait a minute.

I don't know. Hang on.

Wait. Wait a second.

You can't jump to a conclusion like

that. Let me do this. Let me do this.

[ Clears Throat ]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Your pulse is a little fast.

Let me guess.

You're feeling lost and like you could

use some help. Could I pitch in?

Oh, that's funny. I was going

to say the same thing about you.

- What, I look lost?

- No, that you need some help.

Well, like maybe

a little help with your name.

I've never seen you here before.

I'm sure I'd remember.

- You're definitely

not one of the models.

- Oh, thank you.

That's always nice to hear.

- Oh, no, no.

Of course I meant you're very--

- Late.

My name's Ricky, by the way.

What's your whole name again?

I didn't give it to you.

Mmm! [ Chuckling ]

Lay it on me. What have we got?

- Tell me everything.

- James Brown is doing the show.

Hi, everybody.

I'm Clarence Reynolds, here with

the Godfather of Soul, James Brown.

- Welcome to GBSN. Welcome back.

- Ow! I feel good this morning.

- Good to have you with us.

- It's a groove bein' back with ya.

- Now, you brought

the Soul Survival System.

- The only way out.

It's like a personal

security system.

Now, how does it work,

just in case, God forbid,

there is a medical emergency?

Okay. If you fall down,

you mash the panic button.

Help me! Help me! Good God!

Help me! Help me! Good God!

- Help me! Help me! Good God!

- [ Chatter, Laughter ]

Is it just me, but everything

he says is not entirely clear?

- Thank you very much.

Phone, please. Okay.

- [ Phone Ringing ]

- Now, is this all we've sold?

- Yep.

- Ricky? Ricky.

- Yeah?

- Jack Spencer on the phone for you.

- No. Tell him I'm busy.

- He says it's important.

- [ James Brown ] Hit me! Ow!

[ Clarence ] Oh, yeah.

That'll get you the help you need.

- Here he comes.

- Thank you.

Jack, hi! What a nice surpri-- Huh?

What-- What's the matter?

Well-- Yeah.

Well, n-- Th-That is--

That's an outrage.

The bank said

everything was fine.

These bastard people

with their computer screwups.

I'm gonna call 'em right up and really

straighten this out. Thank you. Bye.

Um, Barry. You need to move

some money from my savings to checking.

The car payment bounced. And don't tell

me there's nothing left to transfer.

[ Teeth Click ]

[ Teeth Click ]

ls that what you were going

to tell me? ls that what that means?

[ Sighs ]

Sell some stock. Wow. I'm gonna have

to get the new guy to like me so much...

he's gonna want to give me

the raise right away.

You think that's

overly optimistic?

Thirty seconds to air!

- You are the best!

- Yeah!

- Your stuff is the best!

- I can do it!

- Now go in there and ram it

down their throats! Yeah!

- Yeah!

I'm 67 years old.

I've made love twice today.

Why? Because I'm wearing

new Clam by Vonte.

Clam is the mysterious

new fragrance from the sea.

Clam works.

It can be yours

for just 22.72.

[ Woman ]

Four easy payments.

Oh! [ Clears Throat ]

Three times!

Danny's been fastened

to the studio ceiling...

using the patented

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