Holy Man Page #2

Cool Bond No-Heat Glue Gun.

I wouldn't trust any other glue gun

with my grandson's life.

- Should you?

- Uh-uh.

- Money

- But, you know, based on

everything I've just said...

I think you can see that it's pretty

obvious that a raise is kind of, uh...

uh, kind of in order.

Based on what you just said...

I think it's pretty obvious

that a brain scan is in order.

Hayman, things are not

clicking for you here.

Your sales have been flat

for 27 months.

N-No-- Well, I mean, that depends

on how you define "flat."

Stagnant, no growth, dead.

Oh, flat. Fair enough,

but I'm sure you agree that

the product this year has been--

It's not what you sell!

It's the selling itself.

It's about making people

feel they have to have it...

when they don't

really want it.

Hayman, I'm giving you two weeks

to get things moving, or you're history.

[ Sighs ]

Wait a second. First of all, two weeks--

You gotta give me more time than that.

- Hold it! Hold it right there!

- Yep. Yep.

Right there.

Every day on my way to work...

I pass a dozen guys

carrying signs.

"Homeless family."

"Will work for food."

"Pathetic vet. God bless."

[ Chuckles ]

There's nothing I can do

about them. The ACLU says they

have a right to stand there.

So, fine,

let 'em stand there.

But here, in my office,

in my own goddam office...

I don't have to live with anybody

begging me for anything!

You got it?

Thanks for listening.

My door is always open.

Well, I told you...

there was a meeting

at 3:
00 on the dot.

An hour late, there's a reason.

Fifteen minutes late shows...

contempt,

disorganization, laziness.

I had to kill

the entire marketing department.

Took a little longer than I expected.

Hi. I'm Kate Newell.

Of course you are.

- This is Ricky Hayman.

- Oh!

I've been reading

all about you.

- Oh, yeah?

- Twenty-seven months of flatness.

Boy, that's some sort of record.

Kate is a media analyst.

She went to an lvy League school...

Iearned all sorts

of fancy ways to sell things.

I want her to work closely with you

for the next two weeks...

and see if you can get sales

up eight percent.

Eight... percent? Yeah.

Well, why not shoot for eight percent--

Sit down.

Tell him the problems.

Okay. There are two problems.

One:
The network has no identity.

If you put all of the shopping

channels together, there's

no way you can tell them apart.

I know that if we can create

a clear, dynamic identity...

along with

better sales techniques...

we will quickly pull ahead

of our competitors and easily

reach our growth target.

Identity and sales techniques.

We have a meeting in an hour...

with Scott Hawkes from New Vision

to come up with a more complete plan.

Well, good.

Well, good.

Vision, uh, is certainly good.

And New Vision--

Wow. Newer?

- [ Phone Rings ]

- [ Ricky ] Hello.

[ Barry ] Theresa called

to confirm dinner at her place,

but Charlene also called--

- Barry. Barry, any business calls?

- Oh, um, no.

- But Tim George is sitting

in McBainbridge's office--

- [ Static ]

- Later. Later.

- [ Pops ]

- [ Tyre Squeals ]

- What's happening?

Hang on. Blowout?

- This is just a great day for me...

- Okay, slow down.

just a great,

great day for me.

- When's the giant meteor

just gonna take me out, huh?

- [ Touch Tone Dialling ]

- I-- I cannot--

- [ Busy Signal ]

We're in a dead spot.

Uh, this I know.

Hey, look at this.

Ideal. Ideal.

Here, pop the trunk,

and we'll change it.

Whoo! Aah!

- [ Car Horn Honks ]

- [ Laughter ]

- Loser! [ Shouts, Whoops ]

- [ Shouting, Laughing ]

Thanks for not using a can!

I love cherry.

- [ Ricky ] Oh, don't do that, please.

- What are you talking about?

I got it right down to a--

Hey, I said, don't do that.

I got it right down to--

Ricky, you're supposed to lower the tyre

so you can tighten the lug nuts.

Katie, Katie, Katie,

l-l said don't do it.

I've got it right to the level

that I want it. I'm tightening the nut.

Okay, Mr Expert.

Okay, car mechanic, oh, extraordinaire.

I know--

Oh, man. Oh, man.

What a gal.

[ Grunts ]

Ricky.

- Ricky.

- What?

- Somebody's coming.

- What, Roadside Assistance?

I don't think so.

What?

Uh-oh. He's waving.

Don't wave back. Hey, hey!

- I said, don't wave back.

- What? How do you not wave back?

When somebody waves to you,

you wave back.

Not if you don't wanna acknowledge

that person. What are you talking about?

What's he gonna do?

He's wearing his pyjamas.

- He could be dangerous.

- How dangerous could he be?

- He kisses the ground, for God's sake.

- I rest my case.

- Nothing's interesting here.

Go about your business.

- Hello, two people!

- Hi! What?

- Kate! Hello?

- He's friendly?

- What are you doing?

- Are you in trouble

and in need of my help?

- Oh, no. Thank you. No, no.

- Oh, yes, you are.

- No, we're not. Stay there.

- I'm coming over there.

- No, thank you. Stay right there.

- Stay there! Stay there!

- You need my help.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my God, no, no, no.

- Oh, my goodness.

- Go back!

- [ Both Chattering ]

See, I was right.

You do need my help.

- What do you think you're doing?

- What can I do to help you two?

- You're very kind, sir, really,

- Look at this.

- but everything's under control,

thank you very much.

- My name's "G."

- I'm Kate. Hi. And this is--

- Hi. How are you?

- Robert. Didn't I say that?

- Ricky.

Robert Ricky.

Hi, Robert Ricky.

- Nice to meet you.

- It's nice to meet you.

- Oh, it's such a--

such a treat. Take care.

- [ Chuckles ]

Would you mind if I ask

what "G" stands for?

Just "G" with a period, that's it.

That's my name-- G.

- I like that. Okay.

- Yes.

You have to excuse my appearance.

I know I'm a little sticky here.

When you walk down the road

looking like this, sometimes

people throw things at you.

- You wouldn't happen to have

a wet wipe, would you?

- Actually, I do.

I love a woman

that carries wet wipes.

- Mm, Premium Moist Towelettes,

my favourite.

- I carry them everywhere.

You do? That's your need to be

prepared, perfectly prepared.

Probably drove

your last boyfriend crazy.

What he didn't understand

is that deep down inside you

never really feel prepared.

That's why you're

always overprepared.

My God.

How did you know that?

Because he sees all and knows all?

[ Laughs ]

That was a good one. So, thank you

so much and good luck to you.

Sorry I couldn't be

of more help to you.

- Oh, no.

- Oh, no, you were wonderful,

and it was so nice meeting you.

- Oh, same here, Kate, wonderful.

Pleasure was all mine.

- Yeah.

- Nice meeting you, too, Robert Ricky.

- My pleasure.

- May we give you a lift?

- Oh, no. I have to get back

to my pilgrimage.

- You sure?

- You heard the pilgrim.

- Very funny.

- Yeah, thanks.

- I really like you. Yes.

- I like you too.

- Kate.

- It was so nice meeting you.

- It was very special.

- Yeah. Thank you. Thanks again.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye-bye.

- Now, watch out for the cars there.

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