Holy Matrimony Page #2

Synopsis: A young couple, Havana & Peter, rob a county fair of its daily receipts and escape to Canada to hide out in the Hutterite community where Peter was raised. While there, they get married to satisfy the conservative elders in the community. Peter hides their loot in a secret hiding place, but then soon dies in a car wreck. His much younger brother Zeke is called upon to replace his brother and marry Havana. Zeke already hates Havana because he believes she is what changed his brother. She begins looking through everything that was Peter's, and Zeke rightly deduces that Peter hid something from her. He finds the money, along with a newspaper article that mentions Peter as the prime suspect in the robbery. Zeke initially uses the cash to trick his bride into doing housework. Later he shows it to the elders, who deem that it should be returned to its rightful owners. Zeke and Havana (who claims innocence of the source of the money) are sent on a quest back to the US to return the money.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Leonard Nimoy
Production: Buena Vista
 
IMDB:
5.1
PG-13
Year:
1994
93 min
112 Views


Okay. All right. | Well... actually I'm fine.

- Thank you for asking. | - I presume you're Havana.

Then you presume | right on.

I'm Uncle Wilhelm. | I'm the head of the Colony.

- Welcome to our family, Havana. | - Thanks. It's...

Uncle Wilhelm, | I see you met Havana.

- Yes, we met, and it was | a beautiful moment had by all. | - Good.

[Chuckles] | Colony life will be difficult at first...

but it will be easier | if you live it for God's sake.

There is a lot for her to learn, | Uncle Wilhelm. It'll take a little time.

We are pleased that you | have decided to marry Peter...

- andjoin our simple way oflife. | - He is?

- She makes a fine breeder for us. | - Oh.

[Chuckles] | Thank you.

- Sorry, I... I have to work now. | - Okay.

You can breed this!

Havana, the rules of the Colony are | very strict. I had to think of something.

Some way that the elders would | let you stay 'til I think of a plan...

Plan? Is that what you call getting married; | figuring out a plan? What am I, a yo-yo?

- Shh. | - I'm getting whiplash. I have a plan.

And my plan is to go to Hollywood, | lose you forever. That is what I call a plan.

- Don't go screwing with my plan. | - We'd only be married a few weeks.

[Havana] | I'm not staying.! No, I'm not staying.

[Sighs]

[Man] Yes, there's a problem. Aproblem | with your performance in New Orleans.

You're goin' out | to pick up a robbery suspect.

Would you do me the courtesy | of checking the manual?

Look under "appropriate use | of Bureau personnel" before | you send a 30-year veteran...

- to do the job of a green-ass kid. | - Markowski, listen to me.

Your credibility is suspect; you are not | in New Orleans; you are not undercover;

you are in Iowa | and you are working for me.

And the manual says that I...

get to tell you what to do.

Robbin'a state fair?

Man, I used to be proud | to be an American.

You're going to Canada to bring | back PeterJakobson, his accomplice...

and the money.

This is the job. | You wanna do it, fine.

You don't; | Pension and Welfare down the hall.

[Crickets Chirping]

[Giggles]

Damn it!

Havana, come. It is our custom | to sew the dress for the wedding.

- We will take the measurements. | - All right, look.

If I'm gonna wear a little homemade number, | then at least I am designing it, okay?

This is what I want. I want a sweetheart | collar coming from a tight bodice.

- Two slits up the front. | - Oh, ja, ja.

- A long, long train coming | from a shiny satin bustle. | - Ja, ja.

- Can you guys do tassels? | - [All] Oh, ja.

- How 'bout ruffles? | - Ja, ja. Oh, ja.

- Yeah? | - Ja.

- What about pleats? | - Oh, ja.

Okay. | [Giggles]

[People Singing | In Hutterite German]

[Continues]

Begehrst du diese Schwester | gern anzunehmen...

[Wilhelm] | Als eine Gabe van den Hemm?

Do you accept this sister | as a gift from the Lord?

I do.

[Wilhelm] Begehrst du ihn inallen | goettinchen Dingen gehorsan zu sein...

Damit Eines den andern eine Ursach zum | Gutten und zur Gottseligkeit sine moechte?

Will you be obedient to your husband | in all spiritual matters...

and will you encourage | each other to lead godly lives?

Yes.

It's done. So, you | may kiss the bride.

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat]

[Bells Chiming]

[People Chattering]

[Men Chattering]

[Woman] | Eat well.

[Woman] | Eat well, father.

Psst.

[Woman] | Eat well.

Eat well, | Father.

- Eat well and choke. | - [Woman] Oh.!

[Chuckles] | She's... funny.

[Clears Throat]

[Spits]

[Car Horn Honks]

[Brakes Squeaking]

This car's goin' to town. | Anybody going better jump in.

Peter, when you were gone, | what did you do?

- Stuff. | - What kind of stuff?

I saw things. | I saw the world.

Different things.

Different people.

And out of all the women | you saw, you decided on Havana?

[Chuckles] | Yeah.

Yeah, I decided | on Havana.

You know, the Bible says that | goodness, kindness...

purity and fullness of heart | are the qualities for a mate.

- Uh-huh. | - Does Havana have these qualities?

Or will we see them?

Maybe we better | keep an eye on her.

You got half an hour. | What do you want to do?

- Can I get ice cream? | - Yeah. Look. Here's money.

But don't go give it away. | It's the real thing in the real world.

- It's right down there. | - Thank you.

- [Children Shouting] | - [Bells On Bicycles Ringing]

- Let's go! | - All right, go!

[Shouting, Whooping]

[Woman On TV] | A record wheat harvest this year.

But only when the wheat's | in the bin and the money's in the bank...

can farmers breathe | a sigh of relief.

Here's a local twist on that | state fair robbery. Police are | certain that PeterJakobson...

who was identified in this video | taken with a hidden camera, | has made his way into Canada...

and with his accomplice will | be attempting to disappear...

into one of the local | Hutterite colonies.

Turning now to medical news, | scientists are encouraged with the way...

[Car Engine Roaring]

Are cars supposed to go | this fast?

Listen, I'm going | to have to go away.

You just came back. You said | you were back for good.

- Things change. | - But you promised we'd be together.

You and me, remember?

- Hey! I hate you! | - Come on. No, stop it!

Look out! | Slow down!

[People Singing | In Hutterite German]

[Singing]

[Thunder Rumbling]

[Glass Shattering]

[Banging]

Where is it? | [Grunts]

- [Grunts] | - [Wilhelm Gasps] Havana.

Havana, we do not want to disturb | your mourning time...

- but may we come in? | - [Sighs] Yeah, but...

Sorry about... | Sorry about the mess.

Oh, we understand. | We understand.

I don't. | She's messier than the turkeys.

Everybody mourns | their own style.

Havana, Ezekiel has a duty | that needs to be attended to.

You know, the Bible | represents our law.

We are very strict about | observing all aspects and all dictates.

Our society...

is based upon following | tradition to the letter.

Please read Deuteronomy: | 25, 5. Right there.

"Thou shalt not | muzzle the ox."

No, no, no, | next verse.

"If brethren dwell together, and one | of them die and have no child...

"the wife of the dead | shall not marry unto a stranger.

Her husband's brother shall go in | unto her and take her to him to wife."

- Wait. What? | - What did she say?

Yeah, what did I say? | "The wife of the dead shall not marry...

"unto a stranger.

Her husband's brother shall go in | unto her and take her to him to wife"?

What is this book? | Is this a comedy or something?

Uncle Wilhelm, I think maybe I should | read 'cause she must be getting this wrong.

No, no, no, no, she's not incorrect, | nor the word of our Lord.

Havana, Ezekiel has | an obligation by our law...

to ask you... | to marry him.

- [Chuckles] | - But there's no cause for alarm.

You will simply | refuse him and that will be that.

- What will be what? | - Well... you have to leave.

- What do you mean I have to leave? | - Here. $100.

- We'll drive you to the bus stop. | It'll take you to the city. | - You can't just kick me out.

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David Weisberg

David Weisberg is an American screenwriter, best known for writing 1996 film The Rock, which he co-wrote with his writing partner Douglas Cook, who died on July 19, 2015. His other credits with Cook include Payoff, Holy Matrimony, Double Jeopardy and Criminal. They also wrote another action thriller script Blank Slate, which is currently un-produced at Bold Films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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