Home Alone

Where's my suitcase?

Miss. Young lady!

Excuse me. Girls!

Hey, little fella. Hey!

Excuse me, girls. Girls!

Hey, big fella!

Help me make the beds

in the living room.

Come on down here!

Hey, son!

Big fella.

Hey, little guy! Little guy!

Pete's brother

and his family are here.

Trish is going to Montreal.

Montreal? Oh, her family's there.

- Then we're off.

- When?

- Tomorrow.

- You're not ready, are you?

Uncle Frank won't let me

watch the movie...

...but the big kids can.

Why can't I?

I'm on the phone.

When do you come back?

Not till then?

It's not even rated R.

He's just being a jerk.

Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...

...then it must be really bad.

No, we put the dog in the kennel...

Hey, get off!

Kevin, out of the room.

Hang up the phone and make me,

why don't you?

This kid.

Did you pick up

a voltage adaptor thing?

No, I didn't have time.

- Then how do I shave in France?

- Grow a goatee.

Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.

I've got something, pick up those

MicroMachines that are all over.

Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.

He was playing

with the glue gun again.

We talked about that.

Did I burn down the joint?

I don't think so.

I made ornaments out of fish hooks.

- My new fish hooks?

- I can't make them out of old ones...

...with dry worm guts stuck on them.

- Peter.

- Come on, Kevin. Out.

Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?

Here's a voltage adapter!

God, you're getting heavy!

Go pack your suitcase.

Pack my suitcase?

- Where's the shampoo?

- I don't live here.

This many people here and no shampoo.

- Are your folks home?

- They don't live here.

- Tracy, did you order the pizza?

- Buzz did.

Excuse me. Are your parents here?

My parents live in Paris.

- Hi!

- Hi!

- Are your parents home?

- Yeah.

- Do they live here?

- No.

Why should they?

All kids, no parents.

Probably a fancy orphanage.

I don't know how to pack a suitcase.

I've never done it once.

- Tough.

- That's what Megan said.

What did I say?

You told him "Tough."

The dope was whining about a suitcase.

What was I supposed to say?

"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?

- I'm not an idiot!

- Really?

You're helpless! We have to do

everything for you.

- She's right, Kev.

- Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.

I don't know how to pack.

- I hope you didn't just pack crap.

- Shut up, Linnie.

You know what I should pack?

Buzz told you, cheek-face.

Toilet paper and water.

What are you so worried about?

You know Mom's gonna

pack your stuff, anyway.

You're what the French call

les incompetents.

What?

Bombs away!

P.S. You have to sleep

on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.

If he has something to drink,

he'll wet the bed.

This house is so full of people

it makes me sick!

When I grow up and get married,

I'm living alone!

Did you hear me?

I'm living alone!

I'm living alone!

Who's gonna feed your spider?

He just ate a load of mice guts.

He'll be good for a couple weeks.

Is it true French babes

don't shave their pits?

Some don't.

But they got nude beaches.

Not in the winter.

Don't you know how to knock,

phlegm-wad?

Can I sleep here?

I don't want to sleep with Fuller.

If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room

if you were growing on my ass.

Check it out.

Old man Marley.

Who's he?

You ever heard of the South Bend

Shovel Slayer?

That's him.

In '58 he murdered his whole family

and half the people on his block...

...with a snow shovel.

Been hiding out

in this neighborhood ever since.

If he's the shovel slayer,

how come the cops don't arrest him?

Not enough evidence to convict.

They never found the bodies.

Everyone around here knows he did it.

It'll just be a matter of time...

...before he does it again.

What's he doing?

He walks up and down the streets

every night...

...salting the sidewalks.

Maybe he's just trying to be nice.

No way.

See that garbage can full of salt?

That's where he keeps his victims.

The salt turns the bodies

into mummies.

Mummies!

Look out!

How you kids doing?

Good?

Lot of action around here today, huh?

Going on vacation?

Where you going?

You hear me, or what?

Going on a trip?

Where you going, kid?

Okay, that's $122.50.

Not from me, kid. I don't live here.

You just around for the holidays?

You could say that.

- Pizza's here!

- There you go.

That's $122.50.

It's my brother's house.

He'll get it.

Hey, listen...

- Are you Mr. McCallister?

- Yeah.

The Mr. McCallister who lives here?

Good, because somebody owes me $122.50.

I'd like a word with you.

Am I under arrest or something?

There's always a lot of burglaries

around the holidays.

We're checking the neighborhood to see

if the proper precautions are taken.

We have automatic timers for our

lights, locks for our doors.

That's about as well

as anybody can do.

- Did you get some eggnog?

- Come on.

- Let's eat.

- Come on.

- Eggnog?

- Pizza!

- Are you gonna be leaving...?

- Pizza!

Grab a napkin

and pour your own drinks.

- Does Santa go through customs?

- What time do we have to go to bed?

Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.

On the button.

I hope you're all drinking milk.

I want to get rid of it.

- Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.

- For pizza?

Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.

- You've got money.

- Traveler's checks.

Forget it, Frank. We have cash.

You probably got the checks

that don't work in France.

Did anyone order me a plain cheese?

Yeah. But if you want any...

...somebody's gonna have to barf it up

because it's gone.

Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.

Kev! Kev, get a plate.

- Passports!

- Watch it!

No, no. Get these passports

out of here.

Are you okay, honey? Come here.

Are you all right?

What is the matter with you?

He started it!

He ate my pizza on purpose.

He knows I hate sausage and olives...

Look what you did, you little jerk!

Get upstairs now.

Why?

You're such a disease.

- Shut up!

- Kevin, upstairs!

- Say good night, Kevin.

- "Good night, Kevin."

Why do I get treated like scum?

I'm sorry. This house is just crazy.

We've got all these extra kids

running around.

My brother's in from Ohio.

It's nuts.

How come you didn't bring

more cheese pizzas?

Nice tip. Thanks.

Having a reunion?

My husband's brother transferred

to Paris. His kids are still here.

He missed the family,

so he invited us to Paris...

...so we'll be together.

You're taking a trip to Paris?

Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.

Excellent. Excellent.

If you'll excuse me, this one's

a little out of sorts.

Don't worry about me.

I spoke to your husband.

And don't worry about your home.

It's in good hands.

There are 15 people, and only you

have to make trouble.

I'm getting dumped on.

You're the only one acting up.

Now get upstairs.

I am upstairs, dummy!

The third floor?

- Go.

- It's scary up there.

Fuller'll be up in a little while.

I don't want to sleep with Fuller.

He wets the bed.

He'll pee all over me. I know it.

We'll put him somewhere else.

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