Home Alone 2: Lost in New York Page #3

We know a guy who can do the cool jerk

We know a guy who can do the cool jerk

This cat they're talkin ' about

I wonder who could it be

'Cause I know I'm the heaviest cat

The heaviest cat you ever did see

When they see me

Walkin ' down the street

None of the fellas want to speak

Hey, hey, hey

On their faces they wear a silly smirk

'Cause they know

I'm the king of the cool jerks

Get out of here, you pervert,

or I'll slap you silly!

Uh...

Oh, you're cooking, Frankie.

Oh, my foot!

Didn't look this bad on our honeymoon.

Uncle Rob lives here.

If they're back from Paris,

I'll drop in on them.

They usually give pretty

good presents.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Kevin.

Your drawers, sir.

Don't flash these babies around here!

There could be girls on this floor!

I was very careful, sir.

You can't be too careful

with underwear.

I understand.

I'm sorry. You wanted a tip.

That won't be necessary, sir.

I still have some tip left over.

No tip?

Okay.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait!

The doorman will be happy

to find you a taxi...

Mr. McCallister.

Excuse me.

Sure.

And how are we this morning?

- Fine. Is my transportation here?

- Out in front, sir.

A limousine and a pizza.

Compliments of the Plaza Hotel.

I do hope your father understands

that last night...

...I was simply checking to see

that everything was in order.

Oh, he was pretty mad.

He was?

He said he didn't come here

to have his naked rear spied on.

Of course not.

Will he be down soon?

He already left.

I would've liked to have offered

my personal apology.

If a guy saw you in the shower,

would you want to see him?

I suppose not.

I don't think you'll see him again.

I understand.

Mye.

Have a lovely day.

McCallister...

- Good morning, Mr. McCallister.

- Morning.

Mr. McCallister,

here's your very own...

...cheese pizza.

- Hello?

- Hello.

Know any good toy stores?

Yes, sir.

Ahh.

Mingo!

Get outta here! Go on, get

outta here! Get outta here!

Meat it! Meat it! Get outta here!

Hey, Marv! Get over here!

I gotta talk to you!

Whoa, whoa!

- Would you like a scarf?

- Forget about that, we gotta talk.

We don't have the equipment to pull off

anything big:
Manks, jewelry stores...

We don't want goods.

We need cash and we need it now.

How about...

...hotels?

Tourists carry lots of cash.

I got a better idea. Stores ain't

depositing cash on Christmas Eve.

The stores that will have cash are the

ones dealing in moderate priced goods.

Right. Right.

Ergo, what store's gonna make

the most cash on Christmas Eve...

...that nobody's gonna rob?

Candy stores.

Nine-year-olds rob candy stores.

This is what I had in mind:

That's brilliant, Harry! Mrilliant!

Nobody's dumb enough to knock off

a toy store on Christmas Eve.

Oh, yes, there is.

DRIVER:

Here we are, sir: Duncan's Toy Chest.

Merry Christmas, Kevin.

(TRAIN WHISTLE MLOWS)

(TO Y CLICKING)

This is the greatest accident

of my life.

Marv. Marv!

Hey, nice house.

Mut there's no bathroom in it.

So, what's the plan?

Everyone leaves for a holiday off.

We come out of our houses.

Yeah, then what?

We empty the registers and walk out.

Great plan, Harry!

MR. DUNCAN:
Well, now, thank you

and Merry Christmas.

Say hello to the family.

Let me see.

You shopping alone?

In New York?

Sir, I'm afraid of my own shadow.

- I was just checking.

- That's very responsible of you.

Oh, well, thank you.

My pleasure.

That'll be $23.75.

My, my, my.

Where did you get all that money?

- I have a lot of grandmothers.

- Oh.

Well, that explains it.

This is a nice store. One of the

finer toy dealerships I've visited.

Well, thank you.

Mr. Duncan must be a nice guy...

...letting kids come in here

and play with his toys.

Most toy stores prohibit that.

- Is that so?

- Yes.

Well, he loves kids.

As a matter of fact, all the money

the store takes in today...

...Mr. Duncan is donating

to the Children's Hospital.

And the day after Christmas...

...we empty out all the money

in the cash register...

...and Mr. Duncan takes it

right down to the hospital.

That's generous of him.

Well, children bring him

a lot of joy...

...as they do to everyone

who appreciates them.

I'm not supposed to spend this, but

I have $20 in a jar in our garage...

...where my brother can't find it.

So I can pay my mother back.

So give this to Mr. Duncan.

The hospital needs it more than I do.

Mesides, I'll probably spend it on

stuff that will rot my teeth and mind.

Ah, that's...

That's very sweet of you.

You see that tree there?

Well, to show our appreciation

for your generosity...

...I'll let you select an object

from that tree...

...to take home with you.

- For free?

- May I make a suggestion?

- Okay.

Take the turtledoves.

I can have two?

Well, "two turtledoves."

And I tell you what you do.

You keep one...

...and give the other one

to a very special person.

You see, turtledoves...

...are a symbol of friendship

and love.

Now, as long as each of you

have your turtledove...

...you'll be friends forever.

Wow, I never knew that. I thought

they were just part of a song.

They are. And for that

very special reason.

Wow.

Thanks.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you too.

Me sure to bundle up if you

go outside. It's nippy.

Oh. I'll do that.

Well, where to?

You promised you'd take me

to the Central Park Zoo.

Hey, look who it is.

Come on, let's get him.

- HARRY:
Hiya, pal.

- (GASPS)

(SCREAMING)

Come on.

MAN 1:
Hey!

MAN 2:

Hey, watch it, man!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Buy now and avoid the Christmas rush.

Two for $5. Two for $5.

Four for 10.

There he is!

All right.

- Thanks.

- Merry Christmas, dude.

BOTH:
Whoa!

Oh...

Yes!

WOMAN:
Thank you for your suggestion.

CONCIERGE:
My duty. My pleasure.

You gotta help me!

There's two guys after me!

What's the matter?

Store wouldn't take your...

stolen credit card?

Let's see what the police

have to say about this.

HARRY:
Get up! Get up!

Come on! Let's go get him.

Get back here, you little thief!

Stop that child!

Grab him!

Whoa!

(GROANING)

You little sh...

I've committed credit card fraud.

CONCIERGE:
Get me security!

We've got to stop that delinquent!

MAN:
Come along, Cedric!

I've had enough of this vacation.

I'm going home.

Hold it right there!

This is the Concierge, sir!

I knew it was you.

I could smell you

getting off the elevator.

JOHNNY:
You was here last night too,

wasn't you?

Yes, sir.

I was.

You was here and you was smooching

with my brother.

Mu...

You're mistaken, sir.

Don't give me that.

You've smooched everybody.

Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe

with the gimpy leg...

... Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff...

(GASPS)

No!

It's a lie!

JOHNNY:

I could go on forever, baby.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

I'm afraid you're mistaken.

We're looking for a young man.

All right, I believe you.

But my Tommy gun don't.

(GASPS)

Get down on your knees

and tell me you love me.

On your knees.

I love you!

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