Home Fries Page #2

Bad news at the cigarette factory.

At the cigarette factory?

What happened?

I hate you.

Believe me, I would do this if I could.

It's just you're so much better

at recon than I am.

I'm guessing no one knows anything.

It's just a matter of keeping

our loose ends tied together.

Just go in and mingle with the natives.

Take the pistola.

You think one will be enough?

Maybe I should take

a few hand grenades.

How'd that be?

Could you be more paranoid, please?

It's just in case, all right?

I'd appreciate it.

It's just, this is my first job,

not counting the Army...

...or the Guard, so...

Chill out.

Just go in there...

He won't ask me for a rsum?

It's not that kind of job.

It's the Burger-Matic!

Stand straight,

look him in the eye.

It's all about first impressions.

First impressions, you can do that.

Now go in there. You'll do fine.

Don't let anyone see the gun.

Really? I get the truck tomorrow.

It's not registered.

No one expects you to work today.

Why don't you call someone

to take you home?

I'll be all right, Billy.

You sure?

Let me know if you change your mind.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

Sure.

Under "dependents" on this W-4,

think I should put "one" or a "zero"?

Never done the W-4.

My man, he carried a handkerchief

with him wherever he went.

Did somebody...

...die or something?

Come on, sweetie.

It's okay.

Let's suit you up

and get you going on the grill.

Roy here will teach you everything

about sandwich assembly.

Roy. Right.

How you doing?

This is how to make

a Big Buzz Double Cheeseburger.

Bottom bun, bottom beef, bottom cheese.

Middle bun, top beef, top cheese.

Special sauce, 3 onions, 3 pickles...

...some lettuce. Top bun.

Put it in a box, in the chute,

say "Big Buzz Double Cheeseburger."

Tell me about your headphones.

Don't be scratching yourself

while you assemble the product.

Will I eventually get my own

set of headphones?

Got to crawl before you walk.

Learn product assembly...

...then you get headphones.

Put together this cheeseburger.

I don't know. Think I'm ready?

Ever hear anything weird

on these headphones?

Like interference?

Yeah, man! This ain't Radio Shack.

Put this thing together!

Put the pickles on before the onions.

3 pickles, not 4.

This ain't Pickleburger.

Only give them 4 if they ask.

I know it takes time.

You need practice. You got to move.

I mean, how do you make a Whopper?

That's Burger King. Billy hear

you say that, he'll fire you.

Let me try again.

I mean, Roy, what kind of meat

are we using here? This is...

Hi, Mama.

Hi, baby.

Happy birthday, Benny.

Does Benny and his friends

like Buzz Burger-Matic?

I'll go get him.

Ls this an initiation or...

The kids'll dig this. Buzz moves

real fast though, all right?

You have got to run around these kids.

The theory behind Buzz is

he's a supersonic robot...

...that delivers food

at lightning speed.

Ls that the theory?

You've always got to

walk and talk real fast.

Otherwise, the kids won't buy it.

Do I get paid extra for this?

No.

I got a theory about that.

Where do I change, Billy?

There's a rule about

disrobing in the restrooms.

You got a car?

Just find a place, all right?

I appreciate it.

Where you going?

Get your sorry ass out here!

You too.

What?

I want you all to sit down over there!

Hands up!

Stay the hell out of my way!

Happy birthday, little man.

Hi, sweetheart.

Honey, you sure showing good.

What is wrong with you?

I want y'all to know

I ain't with him anymore.

I haven't been with him since

the 14th day of July this year...

...when I slapped a restraining order

on his big, fat, drunk ass.

You don't think I'd tote a gun

to my child's 7th birthday...

8th birthday, fool!

8th birthday, then. Fine.

I ain't letting no judge...

...tell me when I can see my kid.

Shut up, woman!

You're Buzz Burger-Matic.

We didn't do it.

Why are you in the freezer?

You're not a cop?

Get out there!

Bring your hat.

Come here, son.

Look who's here to see you.

Please leave that man alone.

Come on over here.

Look who I brought you.

Suit up, Buzz, and wave to my boy.

Hello there, Benny.

Come on!

You're going to do us a show.

Hey, kids, this here's...

...Buzz Burger-Matic.

Y'all like him, don't you?

Buzz? Save my ass here.

Do something funny.

- Like what?

- Rack your brain.

Move fast.

Buzz Burger-Matic, he moves fast.

Hyperspace!

Come on! Hyperspace, little buddy!

You got a quarter?

Anybody have a quarter?

Just a quarter?

Look at that, little buddy!

Look at that.

Look at that, a brand-new quarter!

- Happy birthday!

- I could've done that!

Kick the mud out his butt!

Come here!

I got a magic trick for you.

How about I make

your freaking head disappear?

- Be careful.

- Hell, no! Kick his ass some more!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I don't think he meant to hurt anybody.

How do you know that?

He's my daddy.

His name is Red...

...just like it says on his hat.

When he's sober, I've seen him

shoo wasps right out of the house.

But when he's drunk, he gets stupid...

...and ornery.

You son of a gun!

You didn't even have any bullets

in that thing, did you?

What do you think I am, a maniac?

I'd have kicked his ass,

but I blacked out.

What am I supposed to do?

There's a guy with a shotgun.

Kids everywhere. What do you expect?

You pull some karate move

on a big, fat, drunk guy?

And you're wearing a clown suit?

Robot suit.

Like we need the publicity.

You couldn't cower

like everybody else?

You press charges?

No. Guy's wife beat me to it.

Good.

What'd you find out?

Nothing much.

"Nothing much" meaning

there's nothing much to find out?

Or "nothing much" meaning

"I just sat around in my robot suit"?

"Nothing much" meaning "Eat me."

There's nothing to find out, Angus.

Nobody knows anything in there.

Are you 100% sure?

- Yes, I am.

- No, you're not.

You're not 100% sure.

I am 100% sure.

This requires extreme precision

on your part.

And you're not being precise.

We have no room for error here.

Sh*t!

I guess I'll have to get a job there.

- What?

- You get your wish.

You get to stay home

from school tomorrow.

I'll go and clear this whole thing up.

I'll take care of it.

I'll take care of it, all right?

I'm already in there...

...so I'll just keep

nosing around for us.

Mom better not find out about this.

We're home!

Looking for something?

Prophylactics.

Rainbow-colored ones, at that.

Not yours?

No, ma'am.

They belonged to your rotten stepfather.

And not for my benefit, obviously.

I never felt any rainbows.

Now, Mom, you don't need to...

They haven't been opened.

I can only assume that whore of his

preferred things au naturel.

Was there something

that we could help you find?

Get that dog out!

Look, Rex! Come on.

Your stepfather gave you that dog.

Yeah.

Why?

Was there something we could

help you find in particular?

Artifacts of your stepfather in general.

A woman's address in particular.

I want to know who that jezebel was.

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