Home On The Range Page #4

# To those who moo #

# Thanks

to my yodel-adle-eedle-idle #

# Yodel-adle-eedle-idle #

# l got cattle

out the old wazoo, heh heh! #

# 'Cause l can

yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo #

# Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo #

[Slim laughs]

[Slim laughs]

[Cows screaming]

Whoa. Ho, boy.

Unh!

[Cows stop screaming]

Hmm...

[Horse neighs]

Rico, if you'd just been

a second earlier...

you'd have had that rustler

dead to rights.

You boys see anything

before l got here?

Yeah, we sure did there, Rico.

We were just

settin' down to supper...

when all of a sudden

the lights went out.

All right, what part of

''cover me'' didn't we understand?

-You guys OK?

-l don't know.

l feel like l was dreaming.

Yeah. Slim started singing...

and all of a sudden

l lost track of everything.

Singing? That didn't sound

like singing to me.

And, you know,

l have perfect pitch.

Uh, yes. Grace,

about your perfect pitch--

-Not now, Maggie.

-All right, show's over!

Oh, no.

You're interfering

with official police bidness!

Ha. Be right with you, big guy.

Buck is on the case.

You know. Whoo!

Don't embarrass me

in front of my partner. Please!

You and he are partners?

[Stifles laugh]

So, how does that work exactly?

l mean, do you get to ride him

on odd days or even?

Hey! He chose me specifically...

because l have skills

that are essential...

to capturing our quarry.

[Shouts kung fu noises]

Huh?

Ha ha ha!

[Shouts kung fu noises]

Whoo! Smush! Oof!

You boys headed back to town?

Yes, sir. We got to go file

a report with the sheriff.

Give him back his horse.

This one's too skittish

around cows.

And that, girls,

is what makes me and Rico...

equal parts of

one lean mean crime-fighting--

[Neighs]

machine?

Well, there it is, then.

Well, well, well, stud.

Now, l'm no professional...

but l'd say the only

mano a mano you'll be doing...

is in your dreams.

Oh, look out, Buck.

He's making a move

on your left flank. Kaboosh!

Maggie! Grace!

Leave that poor animal alone.

[Laughs]

Buck,

l realize you're very upset...

but if you'd like

to join our group...

and help us bring in Slim,

we'd be happy to have you.

However, there are a few...

anger-management issues

we need to discuss.

l wouldn't help

you bossy bovines...

if my life depended on it!

You see, that's just

what l'm talking about.

-Grace!

-Bye.

-Come on, girls.

-Hmm.

MAGGlE:
Let's go get Slim.

[lmitates] ''Come on, girls,

let's go get Slim.''

Cud-chewing heifers.

Huh. l can catch that Slim with

one hoof tied behind my back.

[Gasps]

Wait a minute. Why don't l?

Yes! Partner or no partner,

that's what l'm-a do. Hey!

# Ba ba ba ba ba #

COWBOY:
Hold the horse now.

[Neighs, cowboys shouting]

COWBOY:
Aw, forget it.

Definitely bipolar.

Move it, sister!

Hero passing on the left!

-Hey, watch it.

-Where are you going, hotfoot?

l'm gonna go nab that rustler...

and show Rico

l got what it takes...

so say good-bye to your farm,

girls, because Slim is mine.

lt's hero time!

Watch out now! Hey! Get back!

Jump back! Kiss myself! Whoo!

# Da da yoo #

Oh, this is

a fine kettle of fish.

How can we compete with that?

Look at the bright side, Mrs. C.

Don't forget about

our secret weapon.

Secret weapon?

Who better to catch

a cattle thief than a cow?

Yeah, even you can't argue

with that kind of logic.

OK, maybe you can.

MRS. CALOWAY:
You know, Grace...

Maggie does so love

your singing.

How about a song?

MAGGlE:

l'm gonna get you for this.

[Bird caws]

[Bird caws]

[Slim laughing]

Ha ha! 5,000 Texas longhorns.

Not bad for one night's work.

PHlL:
Pick a color.

SLlM:
l said,

not bad for one night's work.

-What?

-Thank you.

And judging by the ear mark...

l'd say these are the last

of Big Mike Donald's herd.

Big Mike Donald had a farm?

-E-l-E-l--

-E-l-E-l--

-Ohh...

-Ohh...

That's right. He had a farm.

Heh heh heh.

Now that all his cash cows

have disappeared...

that poor sap's

gonna be flat broke.

Perfect time for a certain

upstanding land owner...

to step in

and take all the land.

Aah! Who are you?

What did you do

with Uncle Slim?

Put up your dukes,

Mr. Fancy Britches.

Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!

lt's me. Hello?

This here

is the disguise l use...

to sneak into

all them auctions...

and buy all the land,

you brainless monotone monkeys.

Shoot, you got to be the richest

land baron in the west.

Yes, but the part

that really warms my heart...

is watching those homesteaders

suffer.

[Steam hissing]

Back in the day, l worked...

the highfalutinest ranches

you ever seen...

but those stuck-up ranch bosses

couldn't appreciate my talents.

Maybe they just didn't like

your singing.

[Teeth grind] My singing?

[Twang]

[Gasps]

Songbirds sing.

Saloon gals sing.

Little bitty snot-nosed

children sing.

l yodel!

And yodeling is an art!

Well, maybe they just

didn't like your yodeling.

[Slim grunting]

He didn't mean it, Uncle Slim.

Everybody likes yodeling.

Hmm?

Why, it's one of the funniest,

cornball, goofy, silly sounds...

in the whole west.

Yaah! Aah! Yaah!

[Gasps]

-Uh, Gil?

-Uh-huh?

Am l correct in assuming

that each and every time...

we brought a herd back

to this secret lair...

you've managed to sit

in the exact same spot...

blocking that choice

piece of property from my view?!

This is my comfy place.

What? Aah!

PHlL:
lt's called

Patch of Heaven, Uncle Slim.

Goes on auction

Thursday morning.

Perfect. Pencil it in.

Thursday morning--right after

we sell off this herd.

But it's just

a little old dirt farm.

Ah, what's the difference?

When you're talking revenge,

every last acre counts.

[Hammer striking sign]

[Dramatic music playing]

l don't get it.

Weren't the cows

supposed to come back?

Daddy, what's going to happen

if they don't come back?

Oh, but they are coming back.

Hogwash! We all know

they're never coming back.

[Clucks] What? Ooh! Ooh!

[Chuckles]

You don't know that, Jeb.

Everybody knows that bovines...

are the most intelligent,

crafty animals in the west.

Yeah. He's right, you know.

lt doesn't take a cow

to figure out...

they saw

the writing on the wall...

and flown the coop

while the getting was good.

What?

Oh, no!

They tricked us and deserted us!

No, no. Aud-Audrey.

[Chickens screaming]

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me!

[Screaming stops]

Oh, uh, let's not forget

who we're talkin' 'bout.

Audrey, remember when

Grace helped you figure out...

why you crossed the road?

And, Jeb, Miss Caloway

knew just what to do...

when your head got stuck

in that spittoon.

Get off my case!

And Maggie

was gonna make us all winners.

l truly believe

there ain't nothin'...

those three cows can't do.

[Chirping]

Aw...

Well, whatever they're gonna do,

they better do it soon.

l'm so very sorry, Pearl.

lt's a real shame. lt is.

[Pearl sighs]

Ollie,

l don't know what's worse--

losing my farm

to the highest bidder...

or knowing that--that my girls

are lost and alone out there.

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