Home On The Range Page #3
[Sniffing]
Hmm, l'd say...
[Sniffing]
seven hundred and fifty of 'em.
But, Maggie, where are we
gonna get all that money?
Well, maybe Maggie
can just pull it out of her ear.
Hey, watch it, Caloway.
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
[Gulp]
[Gulp]
-Rico.
-Rico.
[Buzz]
-Rico.
-Rico.
[Wind howling]
[Coughing]
[Horse snorts]
Who is that?
[Buzzing]
-Shh.
-Sorry.
[Fluttering]
Don't you know a hero
when you see one, huh?
That's Rico...
the best dang bounty hunter
this side of the Pecos.
[Laughs] l could guess
from here to tomorrow...
but l don't know
how you do it, Rico.
-Mmf!
-Where's my money?
Well, all right,
l got it right here for you.
Hey, they're giving away
free money!
Oh! Maggie!
So, who else is out there?
The only varmint left...
is that low-down,
good-for-nothin' Alameda Slim.
Cattle rustler. [Gasps]
-What's the bounty?
-$750.
[Ka-ching]
l got it!
Why don't we go nab
that Alameda Slim...
and use the reward money
to save the farm?
Oh, that is a sensible idea.
l knew you'd love it!
Tch. Don't they have sarcasm
where you come from?
Oh, wake up and smell
the alfalfa! lt's perfect!
[Gasps]
Hmm, a horse. A horse.
Let me think.
l reckon you'd want
a fast horse, huh? Real fast?
Course, he'd also have
to be able to go...
for days
without food or drink...
stealthy,
sure-footed in any terrain...
Well, huh...
-Look at me!
-What about that horse?
[Chuckles]
What, you mean Buck here?
-Eee!
-Boy, l don't know.
Buck's fast, all right,
but he's kind of a handful.
-He'll do.
-Well, suit yourself.
[Squeals] Hey, Rusty!
Rico's saddle!
l'm wearing Rico's saddle!
[Squeaking]
l'm wearing Rico's saddle!
Great. l'll leave you two alone.
Ohh, oh, no. No, no, no.
There is no way
in heaven or earth...
that cows can catch an outlaw.
Look, all we've got to do...
is follow this chuck wagon
to a cattle drive.
Ahh. And then, you see...
we let the bad guys come to us.
Oh! We've
no reason to believe...
this chuck wagon is heading off
to a cattle drive.
Hey, Tommy!
Have fun on that cattle drive!
All right, then. Mm-hmm.
l think it is
headed toward a cattle drive.
Shh. We are not following
this wagon, and that is final.
Come on, Caloway. lt'll be fun!
-Did you just hit me?
-Kinda.
-Well, stop it.
-Why?
Because l don't like it.
[Sputtering]
Ooh!
[Splat]
Oh, no. Not the hat.
What? What about the--
Unh!
[Splat]
Hmph.
[Moo]
All right, all right...
violence is not going
to solve anything.
Why don't we all take
a deep cleansing breath--
-Yaah!
-Yaah!
[Grunting]
Hey, now! Mud wrestling!
Ha ha! Hey, hey!
Watch the saddle!
[Mooing]
[Thump]
What in tarnation?
Maggie, for the last time...
l will not be roped
into this scheme.
Come on, you crazy heifers!
Come on! Dagnabit!
Hey, partner,
curb your livestock.
This town is clean!
[Speaking Chinese]
Giddy-up!
Ack!
Not exactly what l had in mind,
but this'll work.
Well, it doesn't work for me!
Adios, Buck.
Take care of Rico now.
[Neighs]
Hasta la vista, heifers!
Hoo hoo!
GRACE, OFF-KEY:
# Oh, give me a home #
GRACE, OFF-KEY:
# Oh, give me a home #
# And the deer--ahem--
and the antelope pla-a-ay #
# A discouraging word #
# And the skies
are not cloudy all day #
[Mooing]
# Home, home on the range #
-Sold!
-What was that?
MAGGlE:
lt's a farm auction, ladies.
AUCTlONEER:
And that's the lastof the furniture. [Bang]
The final item
to be auctioned...
is this piece
of real property...
known heretofore
as the Dixon farm.
Do l hear 425? 425!
Do l hear 450? 450?
What's going to happen
to the cow who lived there?
She'll be OK.
-How do you know?
-You're lookin' at her.
-This was your farm?
-Mm-hmm.
We had, like, a family, too,
you know.
-What happened?
-Alameda Slim happened.
[Evil laughter echoing]
Aah!
[Laughter echoing]
Sold to Mr. Yancy O'Del!
Pleasure
doing business with you.
[Thud]
[Playing harmonica]
MAGGlE:
Cattle drive. Told ya.
You both owe me a dollar.
Step lightly, girls.
The male of the species
can be extremely hostile.
Oh, come on, Caloway.
lt's not like they haven't
seen a cow before.
Mmm? Ohh...
Hey, Barry.
-What? Huh?
-Check it out.
Ooh, dairy cows!
ALL:
Oooh!Oh, hey, how's it going?
Oh, hello. Let me guess.
You're a Taurus.
Look, just keep moving
and avoid eye contact.
-Ahem.
-Oh!
Pardon me, but what are
three lovely ladies like you...
doing on a drive like this?
Just ignore them,
and perhaps they'll go away.
Oh, they seem like nice guys.
Maybe they can help us.
Why, sure we can help you.
Maybe we can help each other.
-Hmm?
-Hmm?
Look, lover-bull,
we're here strictly on business.
Ooh, sounds pretty exciting.
What kind of business?
We're looking for a cattle
rustler named Alameda Slim.
-Grace! Shh!
-Grace! Shh!
Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Slim? Oh ho ho ho!
Why, Slim's just
a scary bedtime story...
to get little calves to behave.
[Hisses]
-Uhh!
-Ooh!
What was that?
lt must be Slim and the Willies.
Slim and the Willies?
Don't worry, darlin'.
l'll protect you.
You have exactly two seconds
to remove your hoof...
before l snap it off
at the knee.
Oh, uh, sorry, ma'am.
l thought you were the blonde.
Ooh!
Come on, girls.
lt's time to lose these ropes.
SLlM:
Where you going? Ho-yah! Hyah!
-Maggie, l'm stuck.
-Look out!
Hahh!
[Dramatic music playing]
lt's payback time.
-Cover me!
-With what?
-Howdy, Slim.
-Howdy, Slim.
Quiet, you fools.
We've got work to do.
Now listen up.
# There are crooks
in this here west #
# Who have claimed
to be the best #
# And they think they wrote
the book on how to rustle #
-Aah!
-Aah!
# Well,
as good as they may be #
# Not a one's as good as me #
# And l barely have to move
a single muscle #
# They call me mean, boys #
# Depraved and nasty, too #
# And they ain't seen, boys #
# The cruelest thing l do #
[Moos]
# You see l
yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle #
# The sweetest way of rustlin'
yet devised #
# 'Cause when l
yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle #
# Why, looky,
how them cows get hypnotized #
# He don't prod,
he don't yell #
# Still he drives
them dogies well #
# Which ain't easy
# X-X-X-X-L #
# Yes, if yer lookin'
from a bovine point of view #
# l sure can
yodel-adle-eedle-idle #
# Yodel-adle-eedle-idle #
# Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo #
Here we go, boys!
[Yodeling William Tell Overture]
[Yodeling Yankee Doodle]
[Yodeling
Beethoven's Ode to Joy]
# Ooh #
Maggie! Mrs. Caloway!
Snap out of it!
# A sound that cattle
truly take to heart #
# Yeah, l can
yodel-adle-eedle-idle #
# Yodel-adle-eedle-idel-odle #
# And smack my big old rump
if that ain't art #
# He don't rope,
not a chance #
# He just puts 'em
in a trance #
# He's a pioneer pied piper
in ten-gallon underpants #
# Yep, l'm the real
rip-roarin' deal #
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Home On The Range" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/home_on_the_range_10098>.
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