Home On The Range Page #7

Huh?

[Neighs]

BUCK:
Make a break for it,

ladies! Run!

Whoa! Hah! Skittish, whoa!

Buck, have you gone crazy?!

Now, that's entirely possible!

Yo!

Or maybe l just figured out

who the real heroes are!

Wait! What if this is

some kind of trick?

Whoo! Whassah!

Oh, this isn't a trick!

lt's a miracle! Come on!

[Thump]

So you think

you got the drop on me...

well, think again! Hyah!

Oh!

[Banging]

[Neighs] Whassah!

[Sputters]

-Whoo!

-Unh...

This is useless.

Let's put our heads together.

More brains and less brawn.

All right!

[Grunting] Grr!

[Neighing]

[C*cks shotgun]

OK, Caloway, fetch!

[Snorts, alarm ringing]

[Bellows]

-Kaboosh!

-Hyah!

[Yelling]

[Clang]

Oof! Unh!

Ha! Lucky shot!

[Tarzan yell]

Mother of mercy.

ls this the end of Rico?

[Thud]

[Moo]

Uh...ha...

[Bird chirping]

BUCK:
Wow! Bravo!

Bravo! You stopped Rico cold!

Aw, shucks. T'weren't nothin'.

Fat lot of good it done us.

Alameda Slim

has already flown the coop.

She's right.

Unless we sprout wings, we'll

never make it back in time.

l can't believe

what l'm hearing.

This train

goes right by Patch of Heaven.

What is in the cud

you've been chewin'?

How are we supposed

to drive that thing?

How? How? l'll tell you how!

The same way we walked off

the farm into the unknown.

The same way we fought off

those burly barmaids.

And the same way we braved

the western wilderness...

without the benefit

of food or water.

We caught Slim once,

and we shall do it again!

Who's with me?

Get out of here, you bulls!

Head for the hills! Whoo!

[Bellowing and shouting]

[Chugging]

[Toot]

Unh!

[Cows laughing]

-Let's get it on!

-Cows rule!

BARRY:

Howdy, darlin'! Down here!

Yeah! Look--look down!

Hello there!

Oh, no!

l got two words for you guys--

cold shower!

We don't have time

for this nonsense!

We have a farm to save!

-Well, maybe we can help you.

-Maybe we can help each--oof!

-Other!

-Ohh!

Bye!

Come up and see us sometime!

Grace!

[Creaking]

Oh, no!

lt's the Morning Express!

There's a switch up ahead!

Way ahead of you, pops!

Hop on!

-Come on, mule!

-Let's ride!

LUCKY JACK:
Yee-haw!

Ha! Ha!

[Neighs]

-Whoa!

-Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

Aah!

Roadhogs!

Aah!

See you back at the farm, girls!

Good luck!

LUCKY JACK:

This happens all the time.

Sold!

All property and livestock...

Sold!

All property and livestock...

formerly known as

Patch of Heaven...

is hereby sold

to Mr. Yancy O'Del.

Pleasure doing business

with you. Heh heh heh.

O'Del's the name,

foreclosure's the game.

Well,

just set yourself over yonder.

Sign this deed,

and the property is all yours.

SLlM:

Much obliged, sheriff.

Ha ha ha!

[Bell ringing]

-There it is!

-Home and hearth!

And a holy hallelujah

of a curve!

-Oh, quick, the brakes!

-No time for that!

-But won't we jump the tracks?

-We are makin' our own tracks!

This is going to be messy!

[Screaming]

Hee hee hee! The whole territory

belongs to me. Huh?

Five cents for these chicks.

Come on, now,

do l hear two cents?

-Behind you!

-B-behind you!

Whoa! Whoa! Hold your britches!

Come on, now!

Whoa! Run for your lives!

[Screaming]

Watch yourself!

[Hissing]

What's the idea of crashing

your train on my property?

What? Uh...

lt can't be!

[Growls]

[Cracking]

[Ding]

[Rumbling]

Hold it right there!

Piggies, it's time to open up

a can of whoop-hide!

Unh! Who the--Oof! Ow! Aah!

Oh! Get away from there! Aah!

[Giggling]

[Crows]

Owww!

Oh, come on! Ow! Oof!

You wanna get nuts?

Let's get nuts!

Ow! Aah!

[Pecking]

Aaah!

Ohhhh! Oof!

[Slim sputtering]

Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

lt's Alameda Slim!

You think you've won?

lt ain't over

till the fat man sings!

[Yodeling]

[Splat]

[Sputters]

Alameda Slim,

you're under arrest.

[Muffled yelling]

Nobody messes

with Pearl's girls!

-Say, girls, got milk?

-Buck!

Just kidding.

[Slam]

Take him away, boys!

Hope you like stripes.

Pearl, your cows can't do much

with Slim's reward money.

Think you can find

some use for it?

Whoo-eee! My farm is saved!

Awww!

[Mooing]

[Cheering]

Where's Maggie?

[Squeak]

l can't believe she just left.

l'm gonna miss her.

So shall l, Grace.

Her brash manner,

her bullheadedness.

She risked her life for us,

and who are we but strangers?

We were privileged to know her.

She was a cow like no other!

Right down to her appalling

bodily eruptions.

[Burps]

-Ahh, that was good!

-Maggie!

l was just having

one for the road...

when l heard

all the nice stuff...

you guys were saying about me.

You know, maybe l could

hang around a while.

-How about forever?

-Oh!

Hmm.

Well, it's your call, Caloway.

ls this barnyard big enough

for the both of us?

Only if you let me wear the hat.

Yee-haw!

Come on, move your hides, girls.

Last one to the barn

sleeps standing up!

OK, everyone, big smiles!

OK, everyone, big smiles!

[Click]

LUCKY JACK:

''So it was that Alameda Slim...

'the most notorious

and feared cattle rustler...

was apprehended and unmasked

by three unusual dairy cows.''

Hey! Dagnabit, Jeb!

How many times l got to tell you

to wait your turn?

How many times

have l got to tell you...

to get out of my barrel--

Hey, dagnabit! You ornery ol'--

[Sighs] lt's so nice that Jeb

finally found a friend.

Here they come, everybody!

[All talking and laughing]

[Clucking]

[Quacks]

[Grunts]

[Chirping]

-Well done!

-Ha ha ha!

Well, hi ho, ladies!

Hey, Barry, three queens,

two kings, hmm?

Full house.

And the joker is wild.

Oh, yeah.

[Laughing]

[Music playing]

K.D. LANG:

# Darlin', l swear #

# Once you been there #

# There ain't a view

beneath the blue #

# That could ever compare #

Hyah! Ho-haa!

# The only thing missing #

# ls you as my guest #

# On a little Patch of Heaven

way out west #

# Why don't you come visit? #

# There's room in the nest #

Yee-haw!

# On that little

Patch of Heaven #

# Way out west #

[Cock-a-doodle-doo]

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

# Come with me #

# Let's go wander #

# Far beyond

the wild blue yonder #

# Out where stars roam free #

# Though the journey's

far from breezy #

# Stick with me,

l'll make it easy #

# You can depend on me #

# Yeah, there's

a long road before us #

# And it's a hard road,

indeed #

# But, darlin', l swear #

# l'll get us there #

# Wherever

the trail may lead #

# Once we cross

that far horizon #

# Life

is bound to be surprisin' #

# But we'll take it

day by day #

# Never mind

the wind and weather #

# lf we walk that trail

together #

# Somehow we'll find our way #

# Yeah, there's a long road

before us #

# And it's a hard road,

indeed #

# But, darlin', l vow #

# We'll get through somehow #

# Wherever

the trail may lead #

# Can't tell you

when we'll be there #

# lt may take all our lives #

# We're headed for

that great unknown #

# We'll soon be walking free

there #

# Till that day arrives #

# At least we won't be

travelin' alone #

# And there's

a long road before us #

# And it's a hard road,

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