Home Sweet Hell Page #2

Oh, yeah.

What are you doing?

I accept your offer.

No, Don, not here.

At home.

I've already put it on the schedule.

Why not here? Mona, we're married.

We are supposed to be a little kinky.

We're supposed to have sex

more than six times a year!

Well, if you wouldn't pressure me...

I am a man, Mona! I have needs!

You obviously do not!

I was trying to be sweet.

Don't come home.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah...

I heard your little fight last night.

Dusty?

What are you...?

You deserve better.

- I do?

- It's not fair.

No, it's not.

Thank you for taking a chance on me.

Oh, okay.

No. No, no, no...

Okay. No, no, no... Oh, no!

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no...

I just touched myself in the bathroom

until I came...

...just thinking about your big, bulging...

- Sorry for the interruption.

- Not at all.

Cock.

- Donny.

- Yeah?

- How about putting some tunes on?

- Sure.

God.

- She's cute...

- Stop. I need you to work.

Donny?

What?

No, no, no. Dusty, we can't do this.

- Why? Everyone's at lunch.

- No, because this is wrong.

- I want this, and you need this.

- No, but I'm a...

I have a wife and kids,

and this is a family furniture store.

Come on, Donny. Don't make me beg.

I can't, I can't, I can't...

You only live once, Donny.

What are you...?

Oh, don't stop.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

Pop that champagne inside of me!

- Okay.

- Oh, pop it! Pop it!

Here comes the champagne! Yes!

Give it to me, baby!

Don't over season.

I won't.

And stick to 1/3 pound burgers.

I hate when the meat gets too thick.

I know.

Did you invite Dusty to the party?

She said that she was busy.

Well, she's a liar.

So you're...

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Thank you.

- Let me... Yeah, yeah.

- You're so sweet.

Thank you.

We finally meet after all this time.

Hi. I have heard so much about you.

Yeah, I said a lot.

I don't usually mingle with

the employees...

...but you are the employee of the month

so that deserves some celebration, no?

Where's your kid?

Oh, babysitter.

Oh. That's a shame. We love children,

Yes...

I'm glad that you could come.

Today. Here. At our house.

Have a wonderful time.

Oh, God...

Crohn's.

Hey.

You sexy thing...

What are you doing here, Dusty?

You cannot be here.

What's the big deal? We work together.

The big deal...?

Mona senses everything.

She's very perceptive. It's f***ing eerie.

Oh, no. She's doesn't know a thing.

Listen, just go.

Make up something and leave.

- I want to ask you something first, okay?

- Okay, go.

- Do you care for me?

- Yeah. What? What?

Do you care for me?

More than the moon and the stars.

- That's really good to know.

- Great. Now can you go?

You've gotta leave now.

This is my family time. My family is here.

Don, I'm pregnant.

- I don't have time for this.

- Three tests.

But how long have we been...?

When you... No. You're not on the pill?

How can you not be on the pill?

What happened to "Pop that champagne

inside of me, Don"?

I wasn't supposed to be able to.

There were

only a couple days a month.

It's okay.

Okay. So, what are we gonna do?

We gonna be adults about this?

We're gonna...

- I wanna have it.

- You wanna have it.

- What do you mean, you wanna have it?

- I promise I won't tell anyone.

Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

If Mona finds out, she'll take everything.

The kids, the store, everything.

She may even kill you.

Hey.

Why don't you try to pay Dusty off?

You know? Give her some money.

Well, she seems like the kind of girl

into that sort of thing.

What do you mean?

- Well, she's, you know, loose.

- What did you say?

Well, she's doing you

all over the furniture store.

Maybe she's got the mind

to take some money.

No. No. How much?

Flatter her.

Seven grand.

Where? I don't have seven grand.

I got seven grand. I saved up.

I mean, it's in CDs and other

financial instruments...

...but it would be a loan.

That's very generous of you.

Doesn't seem like much of a payoff.

It's a lot of money, seven grand,

in America today.

I'm not saying it's not a lot of money.

I'm just thinking...

...if you were to bribe someone,

I don't know if seven grand is the right...

Well, how much you got?

I got six grand.

That's thirteen grand. She'll take that.

Come on, who wouldn't take that?

SEX WITH DON!!! 9:30PM - 9:45PM

WEAR THE NEW LACE PANTIES

I can tell you've been working out.

What are you doing?

Fondling you.

Please don't.

If I ask a simple question

Do you promise to be true?

I'm really not in the mood.

Swear to me you'll listen

As I whisper this to you

How much do you love me?

How much do you care?

- Spare me no details, my sweet

- Spare me no details, my sweet

- My little cuddle-bear

- My little cuddle-bear

More than the moon

And the stars up above

I... You know, I can't, really.

I just... I don't really feel great.

Love you.

Hello?

You're so pretty.

You scared me.

I can f***ing taste him on you.

In the f***ing bedroom!

- Do you wanna sit down or...?

- That's okay.

Look, I just wanted to let you know...

...that I found a specialist out of town.

A specialist?

I have a small uterus.

So I guess

you're still going through with it.

Listen...

You have a family. I get that.

I don't wanna break that up.

Well...

Here is $13,000.

- Considering I've only known you...

- I am not a whore.

- I didn't say that.

- You didn't have to.

No, Dusty, I...

Please, just take it. It's all I've got.

I don't have any more.

I don't have insurance, Don!

My appointment just for yesterday

was 900 dollars!

Oh, my God.

That's an expensive specialist.

Are you sure

that you wanna go through with this?

- Don't ask me that again.

- You can still keep the money.

What would your wife think, Don?

Don't say that. Please don't say that.

I don't know what else to do.

You should have thought of that

before you pumped me full of semen!

This is Dusty. Leave a message

at the beep and I'll get back to you.

Dusty? Hi. It's Don.

I'm sorry that I offended you.

Do you think that Les and Abby

have forged A.J.'s birth certificate?

His birth certificate?

A.J.! You don't need to play

quite so rough, okay?

Mona, Mona, Mona.

It's demeaning, that's all.

What if it stunts his emotional growth?

You're just being paranoid.

Well, paranoia is just total awareness.

Don, have you ever considered

that maybe she's making this up?

Well, either way I've gotta pay her.

There's no way around that.

- That's not true.

- She'll tell Mona.

I have to pay her.

That is the blackmail. That is...

That is my dilemma.

Then you have to tell Mona first.

That's a terrible idea.

Listen, Donny, say you pay her, all right?

And Dusty wants more.

So she shows up at your house

and rings your doorbell...

...and in front of your whole family

tells Mona you guys have been screwing.

Or this:
What if the kid is real...

...and it shows up 10 years from now

and exclaims:

"You're my daddy!

You used to throttle my mommy.

Give me money."

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