Homies

---

1

OK. I am Timo.

And this is the story

of the total chaos called 'my life'.

I made a bit of mess of it.

I can explain...

...but then I would like to start

from the beginning.

It is not really a standard story,

as such.

But if my life were standard...

...I wouldn't know

what to do with it at all.

For some reason

I am always surrounded by hipsters.

I hate that. I am not a hipster.

I don't trust adults on skateboards.

What are you trying to be?

Can't let go of secondary school?

Well, anyway...

I have my own company,

a concept developing company.

The advantage of having your own

company is that you decide what to do.

See you in a bit.

The disadvantage is

you have to take other jobs...

...to pay the rent.

Sir? Hello?

This is a mouse.

And you use it to click with.

OK, so maybe I don't have

a Steve Jobs lifestyle...

...but I make good money

and those people are really happy.

Lately, I am working on

the development of a new app.

Oh, and this is my programmers team.

They are helping me with my app.

Your mum gets horny when she's drunk.

- Shut up.

You weren't at that LARP weekend.

My girlfriend won't let me.

- She has a say?

Because of last year.

- That's right.

When you were shagging that Noban elf

in the Hell Temple of Gozlapan.

You must have some Orc killer

down there. That girl made some noise.

I thought the Orzabis were sacrificing

her in exchange for Gompri.

If it's Astrid, I'm not here.

- Appalicious, Guido speaking.

Today I have a date with my girl.

SIX MONTHS AGO:

It's over, Timo.

I don't want this anymore.

All right, my ex-girlfriend.

I would like to keep seeing you,

but you seem to be stuck in a rut.

You never finish anything you start,

you still live with those three blokes.

It is...

I don't want this kind of life, yeah?

Well, ex... It feels more like

we are in a long break phase.

Sometimes people make you think

at exactly the right time.

It's not exactly nice,

but in my case it did open my eyes.

It all started with a dinner

with Sophie.

Good evening.

- Hello.

I believe you have a reservation

under Sophie van Rozen.

Yes, I believe she's here.

I'll have a look.

Do you need any help, madam?

- Yes, please.

That bloody coat.

Sir? Please follow me.

- Thank you.

Oh, a kiss and a hug.

I'm a lucky girl.

It's funny how that works...

...all day long you think:

this will be so awkward.

But once you're there, it's not so bad.

We pick up where we left off,

without pregnant silences.

I wanted to bring you a bottle of wine,

for your birthday.

But it's odd bringing your own wine

to a fancy restaurant.

So I thought I'd send it to you.

I like receiving parcels as well.

It turns out that most post offices

have vanished.

They've been taken over

by tobacconists. So weird.

And sending it cost more

than the wine itself...

...so I'll just drop it off

at your place one of these days.

Sorry, I am really glad to see you.

How are you?

I'm fine. Busy, super busy, really.

Why is it that the best you can do

nowadays is to be 'busy'?

If you are busy, you must be doing well.

And you?

- Super busy as well.

See?

- Some very exciting things, and...

Let me get right to the point.

- F***, she's seeing someone.

I'm seeing someone.

- Damn.

And...

- Sh*t, she's getting married.

I stopped taking the pill.

- F***.

How nice. That's great.

Yes.

I wonder what you will think of him.

- Of who?

Ferry. He's kind of wild,

but he really makes me laugh.

So he will be joining us?

-Ferry.

OK, don't be predisposed. I bet

he's probably a really nice guy.

He probably saves puppies

and kittens in his spare time.

Hey, Ferry.

Timo.

- I know.

Hey, love, I had trouble

convincing the bar staff...

...but they still had one bottle

of your favourite wine.

No, I might already be pregnant.

- One glass can't hurt. Toughen him up.

OK, I don't like this bloke one bit.

Sh*t.

- Timo, that's bad luck.

Are you still superstitious?

- Over your shoulder.

I'm sorry.

- What's with you?

F***.

Nice going. Ginger knob.

Sir, it was an accident.

It was my fault.

You'd think that after this

it couldn't get any worse.

Trust me.

"You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Are you OK?

I'll get some more dry napkins.

But... congratulations, man.

- What for?

Becoming a father.

- Oh, that.

It's a matter of eating plenty of nuts.

And eggs. Good for your f*** pattern.

Your what?

-It helps your sperm count.

Cum. Jizz. Luke-warm man juice.

- I got it.

Food is everything.

Are you seeing anyone new yet?

If you want to put a bun in

a girl's oven, you know what you do?

Give me your hand.

When you're humping her, right,

and you feel you're going to blow...

...you shove it in.

And I mean really shove it in.

Really deep.

Down to the roots.

And while the last shot is going in...

...you slowly push up her legs,

while you keep humping and breathing.

Then you look her in the eyes, and...

- Fer, what are you doing?

I'm telling Timo about our method.

- Let go of him.

Why?

- Ferry is little wild.

It has nothing to do with you.

Why on earth is she seeing this prick

with fingers?

After going with me,

how could you pick such a knob?

How is your app coming?

Be honest, it's still in development.

And don't give me this 'in development'.

After I filter out a few bugs,

it will be ready to launch.

Liar. You don't even have a title yet.

Sounds good.

That cup of hot cappuccino is forcing me

to release the pressure, guys.

I have to go to a viewing

of 12 Years A Slave.

Wow, that is so wrong.

Yes, sorry. He can be a bit much.

It's also because he deals

with a lot of artists.

Artists?

A manager has to be very direct.

It's why he's doing so well.

Yes, that must be it.

So you bought a house?

- Yes.

And you managed to get a loan

from the bank?

Where is the rest?

And how are you?

House, garden...

Still see the boys?

No, I haven't seen the boys in a while.

These are my flatmates.

Of course, I understand. Absolutely.

Sir, for six months now I've been trying

to turn Games Galore into a mega event.

And it's going to work.

It absolutely will.

I believe your location has

that international allure...

...that it needs.

Felix is basically a nice chap,

but he has a few idiosyncrasies:

A mix of ADD, hypochondria and

a bit of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

He can't handle change, loves schedules

and everything is planned in advance.

So his job as an event planner

fits him like a glove.

The flyers are finished, the script too.

It's sold out. Try calling your boss.

Hello? Damn it.

OK, are you dead on the inside?

If you'd put less jalapenos

in the tacos, I'd be fine.

I spent 32 minutes spraying cold water

on my anus because it was on fire. OK?

With the shower head I have to use?

- Don't act like I disgust you.

I have to shower in your sh*t every day.

That's what mates do.

And this is Mark.

Mark claims that he was in the army

and always says what's on his mind.

Classical music makes him cry,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes