Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves

I'm so excited, Patty.

I've been looking at the La Costa

brochure every day for two months.

I can't believe we're

finally leaving tomorrow.

Yeah. Look, I know you want to

take your car, but can I drive?

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, no!

The mail went into my cereal.

Yeah, this house

is driving me crazy.

I really need this vacation.

- Mom, we're out of peanut butter.

- It looks so peaceful.

- I said we're out of peanut butter.

- Well, don't complain to me.

Talk to your father. You know

he's in charge of household legumes.

Think you can get me

at 7:
00 tomorrow morning?

Okay. 8:
00?

No, the equipment has been

completely overhauled, I assure you.

I did it myself. It's packing

it up that's really important.

You see, if it

isn't done right...

I really can't guarantee

that it'll get there undamaged.

Hold on. I lost the sun.

No, no. I- I-I'm thrilled that the Smithsonian

wants to display my shrinking machine.

It's just that I'd prefer to

dismantle it and reassemble it myself.

I just think I'm more

responsible than most people.

Dad, we're out

of peanut butter.

Mom says you're responsible.

Hello? Hello?

Okay. Then it's settled.

I- I... I'll pack it up

this weekend...

and your movers will come

on Monday and take it to Washington.

Oh, by the way, feel free to use

it to shrink the national debt.

Hello. Hello?

How do you like that?

Your dad's invention is gonna be in the

Smithsonian alongside the Gramophone.

- What's a Gramophone?

- An early record player.

What's a record player?

An early CD player.

What was it you wanted?

Well, I was makin' a peanut butter

and jelly sandwich for lunch...

and I can't find

the peanut butter.

Peanut butter. Peanut butter.

Where are you?

You know, Dad,

I was kinda thinkin'...

that, you know, summer's

not that far away.

It might be good for me

to go to baseball camp.

Don't you want to go back to that

neat science camp we sent you to?

Camp Isosceles was fun, Dad...

but I've been there now

three years in a row.

Yeah, but the fourth year

is the best. Trigonometry?

Ah! Peanuts.

Coffee grinder

will solve our problem.

But all my friends

are goin' to baseball camp.

Baseball's just a trend. It'll pass.

But science is always cool.

- There you go.

- It's got grounds in it.

- It's decaf.

- Wayne!

Don't you have to get to work?

I thought you had a big presentation.

- Oh, my gosh. I gotta go.

- So what? I thought you were the president.

I am the president. But presidents

have less freedom than anybody.

And they don't have any fun.

Tiki Man, you've served me well.

Oh, and I like the way you

made it rain yesterday too.

- Wayne, I wish you'd get rid of that piece of junk Tiki Man.

- Shh! You'll anger him.

He takes up so much room, and you won't

even let us hang our coats on him.

He's a Polynesian god,

not a coat-rack, Diane.

He belongs in a miniature golf course. I don't

even know why you bought him in the first place.

- To have fun?

- Wayne?

You are saying goodbye

to Mr. Tiki Man this weekend.

I'm sorry, but that's that.

Be cool.

I'll think of something.

Yuck!

Cold chow mein for lunch?

Uh, yeah. All the kids

are eatin' it.

Hey, Mom, did Nick ever complain

about going to Camp Isosceles?

He sure did. He hated that it lasted

only six weeks instead of eight.

What a brain box.

Mom, what if I didn't want to go

to a camp named after a triangle?

Amy didn't go to science camp.

She went to Shakespeare camp.

Would you rather do that?

- No.

- Oh, where did all these bugs come from?

Ooh, a daddy longlegs.

No, Mom, don't kill it!

Daddy longlegs are good.

They eat other bugs.

And that would be

your Aunt Patty.

Hey, he's gone.

You live, for now.

Tell your friends.

Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry. Hi, Adam.

Diane, we have to talk. I'm still

worried about the kids if we go away.

No. They are not old enough

t- to stay by themselves.

- And what if Mitch gets sick?

- We've been over this.

- If anything goes wrong, our husbands will be there.

- My point exactly.

Patty, don't start with me.

We both need this vacation.

You are more neurotic than ever, and

I've lost my perspective on my marriage.

Besides, the kids

are old enough. Look at them.

They're like well-behaved

little adults.

You're right. You're right.

Oh, man. I got this

great story, okay?

One time we were at

this Chinese restaurant...

and I sneezed, and six grains

of rice came out my nose.

Ooh, I've only done liquids.

But once Jenny did a piece of spaghetti.

- Oh, man, it was, like, hangin' out to there.

- Shut up!

At least I'm not sick

24 hours a day.

I can't help it if I have

a potassium deficiency.

Yeah, but how do you explain

your IQ deficiency?

- Shut up! - Ooh!

- Hey! Stop it!

- Come on, let's get her! Come on, get her!

- Mom!

Mm-hmm. Hi!

I better get them to school.

Uh, Patty?

What's with the blocks?

Oh, the car was making funny noises this

morning, and you can never be too careful.

I mean, what if the parking brake went?

I worry about these things.

That's why you need a vacation.

Because at Szalinski...

At Szalinski Labs,

the-the... the future...

At Szalinski Labs,

the future is...

the future is...

Crap. No, the future isn't crap.

The future is now!

Yes, that was the president...

and my brother, Wayne Szalinski.

And what a speech. Mmm? Wow.

Anyway, I'll bet

you're all hungry.

So we have a full buffet brunch

waiting for you right downstairs.

Eat all you want,

and thanks for coming.

And don't forget,

at Szalinski Labs...

the future is...

now.

Glad I can breathe again. Nothing like

the smell of two-part epoxy resin.

- Whoo.

- Must be an acquired taste.

- Hi, Marcia. Hi, Trouser.

- Say hi, Trouser.

- Hello. Hello.

- Hello?

Turns out that's

what "woof" means.

Feed me. Feed me.

That looks promising.

- How's Project Green Lantern coming?

- Just okay.

I've run into some problems, but if

you give me just a little more time...

I think I can solve 'em, maybe.

All right. Well,

let's see what you got.

Of course, the goal of Project Green

Lantern was to decrease accidents...

to highway workers at night by

increasing their visibility...

through the use

of internal fluorescence.

Now, already we've made tremendous

strides in the areas of luminescence.

Put away the snowblower, Gordon.

What's the problem?

See for yourself.

Cheers.

- It's not workin'. It's supposed to make

my body glow. - Mm-hmm. Open your shirt.

- Oh, Jimmy. Is that my stomach?

- Yeah. And here's mine.

The problem is, the liquid just stays

in your gut. I don't know what to do.

Well, obviously it's not getting

absorbed into the bloodstream.

Have you tried going

through the calcium channel?

- The calcium channel?

- Yeah, mix it with milk. That'll make it work.

- It's obvious.

- Hey, I'm not without ideas.

I was gonna suggest making the

highway workers wear tube tops.

I'm sorry. I didn't know

that you were, um, working.

- What is it, Trina?

- Oh. Um, Earl Parmen called...

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