Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves Page #2

to say that he has two VIP passes for

the shuttle touchdown late tonight...

at Edwards Air Force Base.

- Do you want them?

- Do we want them?

Oh, oh. Wait. Wait. Isn't there something

we're supposed to be doing this weekend?

Not that I can remember.

I just gotta call Diane.

Forty dollars should be

enough for pizza.

Now, what else?

Who took the handset?

Who took the handset?

The handset.

- Hi, you have reached the Szalinski's.

- Machine.

Please leave a message or fax

or a binary file after the beep.

Guess what? Change of plans. Gordon and I just

got invited to see the space shuttle land tonight.

- So if it's okay, we're gonna take off.

- No, Wayne, it is not okay.

Patty and I are going on vacation.

I must have told you this 15 times.

- Don't you remember?

- Sure, I remembered. Then I forgot.

Well, listen to me now, Wayne,

and listen good.

I am going on this vacation,

and nothing...

and no one can stop me!

You do need a vacation.

I'm sorry we're late.

I had to find Mitch's medicine.

- You got everything now?

- I hope so. - All set?

Hey, come on.

Okay. This is it.

Two days without mommies.

It will be hard.

It will be tough.

But I have every confidence

you'll make it...

if you follow these rules.

One:
don't raid the refrigerator

between meals.

Two:
take your vitamins after dinner.

Three:
no roller-blading in the house.

Four:
get rid of the Tiki Man.

Got it?

- Any other questions?

- Uh, yeah. Can I have some friends over?

- No.

- Come on, Mom. Don't you trust me?

Save it for the debating team,

Jenny. The answer is still no.

- But, Mom, I...

- Any other questions? Good. Bye, kids.

I love you.

Have fun and try

to relax, Diane.

You too. Have fun

and try to relax.

- You sure you're gonna be okay?

- We'll be fine.

- Bye, Mom.

- Bye, sweetie. Be careful, Mitchell.

Oh, wear pads

when you roller-blade.

And don't eat too much sugar.

It speeds up your metabolism.

And please put on a T-shirt under your...

under your pajamas tonight, okay?

Why don't you just put me

in a plastic bubble, why don't you?

I feel like I'm

forgetting something.

Which reminds me. Adam. Adam!

I just did the laundry...

so you'll have plenty

of clean underpants!

- I bet you they have lace on 'em.

- Oh, no!

Tighty-whiteys.

- Now what?

- You guys are all guests in my house this weekend...

and I want us to have

a good time.

So I planned a little

kick-off surprise.

We are gonna use marshmallows

and gumdrops...

to make models

of water molecules.

What do you think?

You're a maniac, Uncle Wayne.

I know. Anyway, we're gonna

put 'em together...

Oh, darn. I forgot

to get toothpicks.

I'm gonna need you guys to run

down to the mini mart for me.

How much do you think

toothpicks cost?

Oh, about six

or seven dollars a box.

Well, here's a ten.

If there's any change,

get yourselves some snacks.

But see if you can get back

within an hour or so, okay?

For molecule action.

- Come on, Mitch.

- Gee, Wayne.

It's not like you

to forget the toothpicks.

What? What's so funny?

It was just a ruse

to get them out of the house.

A ruse? Why?

To save Tiki Man.

I can't believe Diane's making

you throw this out. It's mint.

Tell me about it. I finally find something I want to do with

my MacArthur Genius grant money, and my wife vetoes it.

You've gotta learn

how to negotiate, Wayne.

- I bet I could talk Diane into letting you keep it.

- I got a plan.

- A little further.

- A little further.

- Whoa! - Tilt it

up. - Tilting up.

- Tip it.

- Tip it.

- Great.

- Great. Just great.

Just perfect.

The thing's

only seven feet tall.

Call me crazy. I think

Diane might notice this.

Not if I shrink it.

Wow.

- The machine looks beautiful.

- Yeah.

I got it out of mothballs

and polished it up for the Smithsonian.

- I'm gonna fire it up.

- Great. What?

Oh, no. No. No! You're not

gonna s-start it up again?

You can't start it up again.

You were banned from using this by a

joint committee of the FD A and your wife.

Is the FD A here?

Is my wife here?

I've made up my mind. I'm gonna shrink that

Tiki Man so I can carry it with me always.

Besides, it's a point of honor.

Do you think a weekend

can take care of seven years...

of waxy emotional buildup?

You poor thing. Well, you're

on the road to recovery now.

Oh! And for the trip, I brought

along a special friend...

to aid in the healing process.

Dr. Brother Love himself,

Mr. Neil Diamond!

Get out of here! You brought

the Hot August Nights cassette?

I did! Yeah!

Oh, no!

I forgot to leave Mitch his medicine.

We've gotta go back.

- Gordon, I can see your left leg.

- Huh?

Come on over here and help me.

Let me know when we hit critical mass.

Okay, bro.

- You're at ten percent now.

- This is why I wanted the kids out of the house.

I don't want to take

any chances.

Sixty percent.

Eighty percent.

- Ninety percent.

- Come on, shrink machine. One more time.

We have critical mass.

- It worked!

- It must have.

Come on. Let's go find it.

- Magnifying glass.

- Magnifying glass.

- You see it?

- No. Start at the sides and I'll meet you in the middle.

Sounds like the machine

is revving up again.

Yeah, don't worry. There's nobody

in the house to hit the button.

Can you see it? Huh?

- What's that?

- What?

- Here it is!

- That's just a speck.

- Wait, Wayne. Is that it?

- No.

- What's that? -

Huh? - That's it!

- There it is!

- Huh?

Wow! A tiny Tiki!

Wayne, you're a genius.

You know, I always appreciated

the scientific use of that machine...

but never its

marital implications.

- Huh?

- Aw, it didn't work.

It grew back.

- What do you think went wrong?

- I don't know.

Sometimes

the induction sequence...

- Hello.

- Hello?

- Anybody here?

- Hey.

- Doesn't look like it.

- Wayne got rid of the Tiki Man. I don't believe it!

See? You say he doesn't

listen to you.

Things are getting better

already.

Okay, I'll leave it. I'll just put it right

here, and then they'll be sure to see them.

- Good.

- Okay.

Oh, listen.

The boys must be

working upstairs.

Let's go see what they do

as soon as we leave.

You shrunk us? You idiot!

- I'm sorry.

- I'll kill you!

- That hurts, Gordon! -

Ooh, does it hurt? - Yeah!

- Does that hurt you?

- That hurts!

Not as much as this!

- I can explain!

- You can explain nothing!

- Guys! Hello.

- Wives.

- Hey, where are they?

- Guys?

- We're in big trouble.

- Why? They can't find us to yell at us!

But they can step on us.

Boys?

- Well, they gotta be here somewhere.

- No place to hide.

- Hey, this thing is on.

- Don't be silly.

A joint committee of the FD A

and myself have told Wayne...

that he is never to use the shrinking

machine for the rest of his natural life.

- Oh, yeah. I'm sure.

- Besides, he told me it doesn't even work any more.

Wayne knows he's forbidden

to ever touch that thing again.

Diane? What's going on here?

Diane. Hi.

Diane, something happened.

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