Honeymoon in Vegas Page #2

Oh?

Buddy? I would like Penthouse A,

where I've stayed for 15 years,

made up for me now.

The president of Brazil is in there.

I don't care if Ming the Friggin'

Merciless is in there. Get him out.

OK?

- Will do.

- Good.

Now I shake your hand.

That's great, Buddy.

Welcome to McCarran

Field, Las Vegas, Nevada...

the family fun capital of America.

- Good luck.

- We just got here!

Oh, my God!

Oof! This is some heat.

It's got to be 110, easy.

No, but it's dry.

That's what these schmucks say.

- "150, but it's dry. "

- Yeah.

So hot you friggin' can't see straight.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Would you like chaises?

- What?

- Chaises.

- Chaises?

- Yes, sir.

- What's your name?

- Gary, sir.

Well, "Gary sir," do you understand

that there's no more ozone layer left?

That you could get arrested

for friggin' manslaughter,

lettin' people lay out here?

- You find that funny?

- No, sir.

May I have

your attention...

Here. Remember that, all right?

Thank you, sir.

- Remember Donna and her sunbaths?

- Yeah. Who knew back then?

Yeah. Who knew?

Vegas. Miami. Wherever.

She'd lay out there all day

with them Sidney Sheldon books...

and her coconut oil.

Doctor said they never saw skin

like that, like a saddlebag.

- We got a game tonight?

- No. Not yet.

- It's OK.

- Tommy...

- She was a great girl, Donna.

- Yeah.

I should've got her out of the sun.

Twelve bucks!

No air-conditioning either.

- I ain't going to tip him.

- Hound dog can't even speak English.

I gotta get a suit like that.

- That was some fighter.

- Yeah, that was some fighter.

He knocked down Holmes twice.

Twice. Hey, Tommy,

let's go say "hi," no?

- Go ahead.

- Hey, champ, how you doing?

- You look great. How you doing?

- Real good.

What about that Holmes fight

the other day? What happened?

When Holmes went...

What'd he do?

Wham.

What, what, what?

Look over there.

- It's unbelievable.

- Everything.

Her legs. It's Donna.

Look at all those Indian Elvises.

Yeah, they loved

his movie Blue Calcutta.

Come here.

This is unbelievable.

You're unbelievable.

I want to get you in that room,

tear the bedspread off...

Yoo-hoo! Can I get a room?

This is God

giving me a second chance.

There is no doubt about it.

- What if they're married?

- Look at them.

There's no way they're married.

Yikes.

Oh, my God. Jack!

- We can't afford this!

- I got a deal through Sally Molars.

120 bucks a night.

Is this great or what?

What'd you think of that mirror?

I liked it.

I never realized

I had such a beautiful, round behind.

Or was that you?

That might've been me.

It's 2:
30 already.

Well, maybe we should get some lunch,

do a little gambling...

...and then get...

I'm very happy.

I want you to know that.

And I love you so, so much.

Oh, I'm glad.

Yeah. Hi. This is Jack Singer

in the Ali Baba Suite.

Yeah, you can take the "Do Not Disturb"

off my phone now. Thanks.

May I have your attention,

please. Bally's is happy to introduce...

There's a poker game

for new guests, 4:00 to 6:00.

That could be fun.

You could get a swim. I play.

- And then we're off.

- Where should we go?

They have all these chapels.

We'll just pick the most outrageous one.

Your hand is wet.

I'm nervous, but I'm OK.

I want to do this.

- Maybe we should go now.

- In this heat? It's 108 degrees.

Come on. No, no, no, we waited

this long, we should do it right.

Wait till the sun sets.

Get dressed up.

- Jack, please.

- It's not just another excuse.

Hey.

- We're here to get married.

- And to be together.

Absolutely.

So why do you have to play poker?

Let's just hang out together.

It'll relax me.

It's a fast game with some yokels.

I'll probably make enough

to pay for the whole trip.

Listen. It's right here,

$1,000 dollars in credits,

so you're, like, covered

if you get murdered on a hand.

This is just a promotional thing,

basically. Relax.

It's two hours.

Then we get married. End of story.

I don't know.

Really glad you could make it...

Jack, right?

Yeah. It's my pleasure.

You know, with all these Elvises...

Excuse me...

Excuse me, Elvises running around, no?

I haven't seen so many sideburns

since West Side Story.

That's very funny. Wait.

That's New York wit. Am I right?

New York wit?

So, Tommy, you organize this

for the hotel? The game?

Right. I'm...

I'm retired from the dress business,

and I basically play for fun.

And the hotel asked me

to help make the guests feel at home.

- So a two-hour card game.

- Nobody gets too badly hurt.

- Sure.

- Come on, come on. Let's play.

The natives are getting restless.

So we'd better get going.

Telephone call

for Betsy Nolan. Betsy Nolan.

Excuse... Jack, would you like me

to turn up the air-conditioning?

- No, thanks.

- Sure?

Yeah. I'm fine.

See the raise.

Bump 20.

Can't catch a break here.

- Get me a sandwich or something.

- Yes, sir.

- I see it.

- Well, boys...

the good Lord was kind enough

to bless me with a full boat.

Fives overjacks.

- Sh*t.

- Well, the King is out, boys.

I have $20 left.

I probably should go.

Personally, I think you're playing

very well. It's just some bad luck.

You're playing perfect.

Just some bad luck.

Look, guys,

I don't have this kind of money to lose.

What really concerns me here,

Jack, is you're gonna go back

to New York

with a bad feeling about Vegas.

- That concerns me.

- I really won't.

He's scared. That's natural.

Hey, look, it's not a matter

of being scared, OK?

What? It's just money?

- Yeah. It's just money.

- Well.

Tell you what. Here.

You just activated your line of credit.

Here's a thousand.

You lose it, it's on the hotel.

You win it, you pay it back. Fair?

Well, this afternoon

he wanted to play in this poker game...

that they have for new guests.

Mom, I can't hear you.

Oh, thanks.

You know,

it's like an introductory game.

I'll bet 200.

See it.

- See it.

- Well, I'm out.

See the 200 and...

Oh, God...

...raise a hundred.

Too rich for my blood.

See your hundred.

Raise you... a thousand.

This is out of control.

I'm out.

See the thousand.

- We're it, huh?

- Just us chickens.

Both.

Aces over eights.

- Sh*t!

- Excellent!

This is terrific.

You played that hand like,

"Forget about it," huh?

Thanks. I'm in a regular game

in the city.

Really? You got to tell me that.

I'll call you

right before the ceremony.

Like 10:
30 your time.

Of course I'm excited.

What do you think?

# Well, bright

light city gonna set my soul

# Gonna set my soul on fire

- # I got a whole lot of money...

- Could you shut the f*** up?

Tony, there's absolutely no need

for that type of language here.

All right. Oh...

I raise... 500.

I fold.

Well, baby, the King must fold.

I'll see the 500...

...and I'll raise 2,000.

- You must have tremendous confidence.

- I have tremendous confidence.

Say "good night," Gracie.

A little confidence

ain't going to get it, kid.

I see the 2,500

and raise you three grand.

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