Hook Page #5

Peter Pan will fly again.

He'll remember how.

And if he doesn't, those dirty

Lost Boys will jog his memory.

Oh, yes, you'll see.

He'll crow, he'll fight, he'll fly...

...and then, he'll die.

Pick 'em up

Move 'em down

Pick 'em on up

Move 'em on down

Ain't no time to celebrate

You are old and overweight

Gotta lose a million pounds

Get your fat butt off the ground

Reach on down and touch your toes

How long since you looked at those?

Shape up

Lose weight

Get thin

Gotta win

Jumping jacks are good for you

Now your face is turning blue

Swing your arms around your back

Give yourself a heart attack

Gotta train

In the rain

In the sun

In the snow

Ten below

Gotta move

Gotta do

Gotta grow

Go easy on me. I'm a beginner.

Low! High! High!

All right, gramps.

Give it your best shot.

Rufio's only trying to help.

Listen. Learn.

Okay, you ready?

I don't wanna hurt you.

Watch your skin!

Be bangerang, old man.

What are you doing? How does this

help me get my kids back?

What do I have to do next?

Next, time to fly.

Just think happy thoughts.

All you need is one happy thought,

Peter, and it'll make you fly.

I got it!

Not being in this slingshot

would make me very happy!

He's going up!

He's coming down!

Now, pay attention, class.

We have a lot to go over.

"Lesson one:

Why parents hate their children."

Anyone?

Doesn't Mommy read to us every night?

You, the cute little urchin

in the front row...

Won't you share your thoughts

with the whole class?

Yes.

I said Mommy reads to us every night...

...because she loves us very much.

Loves you?

Isn't that...

The "L" word, captain.

No, child.

Your mother reads to you every night

in order to stupefy you to sleep...

...so that she and Daddy can sit down

for three minutes without you...

...and your mindless, inexhaustible,

unstoppable, repetitive demands:

"He took my toy."

"She hid my bear."

"I want to potty. I want a cookie.

I want to stay up."

"I want, I want, I want!"

"Me, me, me, me!"

"Mine, mine, mine, mine!"

"Now, now, now!"

Can't you understand, child?

- They tell you stories to shut you up.

- And conk you out.

That's not true, Jack.

You're a liar!

Lie? Me?

Never!

The truth is far too much fun.

Before you were born, your parents

would stay up all night together...

...just to see the sunrise.

Don't be frightened.

Maggie, before you were born,

they were happier.

They were free.

You are a bad man.

Smee, flunk the maggot.

Abso-flogging-lutely.

An "F"?

He gave me an "F"!

Your father went to your sister's

school play, did he not?

But did he go to your baseball game?

How'd you know about that?

He missed the most important game

on the most important day...

...of your young life.

- I wanna tear your hook off!

- Easy.

I hate, I hate you, Mr. Hook!

What did I tell you, Smee?

No little children love me.

Of course they do.

Come on.

You're depressing the captain.

Jack, listen to me! Never let him

make you forget! Never forget...

...Mommy and Daddy!

Think of a way to run home, Jack!

Run home!

Run home?

You are home.

Right?

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no.

We don't use them.

- Why do you have them?

- So we don't have to use them.

Don't crowd me!

Come on, Thud Butt!

Everybody say grace.

Bless this, Lord...

Grace!

All of my favorite Never Foods!

Yams, mamey apples and banana squash!

Wash it down, calabash and papaw!

Can you blow on this?

Thank you.

This is good!

Are you eating that?

No, please.

Eat!

What's the deal?

Where's the real food?

If you can't imagine yourself being

Peter Pan, you won't be him, so eat up!

Eat what? There's nothing here.

Gandhi ate more than this.

This used to be your favorite game.

Forget the games. I want real food!

Steak, eggs...

You can't. Eat your heart out,

you crinkled, wrinkled fat bag!

- You're very ill-mannered...

- You're a slug-eating worm.

You can do better than that!

You're encouraging them?

Show me your fastball, dust brain!

You paunchy, sag-bottomed puke pot!

Bangerang, Rufio!

You're a very poor role model

for these kids, you know?

You don't have

a fourth-grade reading level.

- Hemorrhoidal sucknavel.

- Maybe a fifth-grade reading level.

Oil-dripping, beef-fart

sniffing bubble butt.

Someone has a severe caca mouth.

You know that?

You are a fart factory!

Slug-slime sack

of rat guts and cat vomit...

...cheesy scab...

...picked pimple-squeezing

finger bandage!

A week-old maggot burger with

everything on it and flies on the side!

Substitute chemistry teacher.

Come on, Rufio, hit him back.

Mung tongue!

- Math tutor.

- Pinhead.

- Prison barber.

- Mother lover.

Nearsighted gynecologist.

- In your face, camelcake!

- In your rear, cow derrire!

Lying, crying, spying,

prying ultra-pig!

Lewd, crude bag

of pre-chewed food dude.

Bangerang, Peter!

You man! Stupid, stupid man!

If I'm a maggot burger,

why don't you just eat me?

You zebra-headed, slime-coated,

pimple-farming, paramecium brain...

...munching on your own mucus,

suffering from Peter Pan envy!

What's a "paramecium brain"?

I'll tell you what a paramecium is!

That's a paramecium!

It's a one-celled critter

with no brain that can't fly!

Don't mess with me, man!

I'm a lawyer!

Banning, Banning!

Rufio! Rufio!

Oh, Rufio, why don't you just

go suck on a dead dog's nose?

You're doing it.

- Doing what?

- Using your imagination, Peter.

You're playing with us, Peter.

You're doing it, Peter.

Drink your papaw, Peter.

How is it?

Bangerang.

Catch!

Hey, Pockets...

...catch!

Oh, Don't Ask!

Bangerang!

Hey, Pan the Man, catch this!

Peter, look out!

Peter, watch out!

Bangerang.

Peter...

...can I talk to you?

Sure, Thud.

- I remember Tootles.

- You do?

He was lost too.

How could you know Tootles?

He was a Lost Boy.

These are his marbles.

These are his happy thoughts.

- He really did lose his marbles.

- Yeah, he lost them good.

Peter, you know what?

My happy thought will help you.

What's your happy thought?

Mine's my mother.

Do you remember your mother, Peter?

Wish I could.

Listen.

My mom sang that song.

My young Jack, tell me

about the game of baseball.

I can't remember. Are the mates

standing or are they on horseback?

The stars are all my friends

Till the nighttime ends

So I know I'm not alone

When I'm here on my own

Isn't that a wonder

When you're alone

You're not alone

Not really alone

Good night, Never Land!

What is it? I hear it.

I hear it again.

Smee, it's that crocodile,

back from the dead!

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock,

tick-tock, tick-tock!

Is that the clock?

You killed that croc years ago.

We smash every clock we find.

Little elf didn't know any better.

To the museum, at once.

Shine 'em up! Put a fresh coat of

varnish on your peg, right here!

Broken clocks...

Each one ticked its last tock,

and now all is well.

Just listen.

I don't hear anything.

I know! Good form! Exactly!

Jack, you see this? Come over here.

You can take it.

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