Hook Page #4

He's forgotten everything.

Please don't give up.

I want to go home.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid

I have decided to cancel the war.

He can't fly, but he can swim!

Kill them.

Kill them all.

Bring on the plank!

And I never want to

hear the name Peter Pan again!

What about the name Hook? Do you

want to be remembered as a bully?

Or as the great warrior

who defeated a heroic Pan?

One week and I'll get him in shape,

and you can have your dirty old war.

It's a trick, captain! Let me blast

that buzzing vixen to pixie hell!

You promised people

the war of the century.

Your whole life has been building

to this. Mortal combat, glory!

Hook versus Pan!

That is not Pan.

Two days.

Four. Bare minimum

for a decent Pan.

Three. Final offer.

Done.

And you'd better deliver, Miss Bell...

...or no amount of clapping will bring

you back from where I will send you.

Hear me, men.

I've decided that the so-called Pan...

...will return in three days to commence

the arbitrament of the sword.

Smee, translate.

In three days we'll have a war.

A battle between

good and evil, to the death.

Help me!

Snow!

What?

What?

Help!

Get me down!

Oh, you're alive!

Oh, get me down!

I believe!

Lost Boys! Lost Boys! Wake up!

Pan's back!

Lost Boys! Lost Boys! Wake up!

That was my pillow!

I'm up.

Wake up, you sleepyheads!

Pan's back! Pan's back! Pan!

Pan!

Who's the shrub?

Bangerang!

That ain't Peter Pan.

He's old.

He's fat!

Not so fat to me.

He's an old, fat grandpa man.

Rufio!

That is so dangerous.

That's enough!

Okay, mister. All right.

The show's over.

Put that thing away!

Put it down before

you poke somebody's eye out.

You're not old enough to shave.

What are you doing with that sword?

This is an insurance nightmare! What's

this? Lord of the Flies preschool?

Where are your parents?

Who's in charge here?

No, Mr. Skunkhead-with-too-much-mousse,

you're just a punk kid.

I want to speak to a grownup!

All grownups are pirates!

Excuse me?

We kill pirates.

I'm not a pirate.

It so happens I am a lawyer.

Kill the lawyer!

I'm not that kind of lawyer.

I've been shot!

Help!

Help me, somebody!

Boys, listen!

He married Wendy's granddaughter!

Hook's kidnapped his kids.

He's just out of shape.

We have to make him bangerang!

No, no! Please stop!

Why are you doing this to me?

Rufio, you're the best with a sword.

Please teach him.

We gotta make him remember.

Excuse me.

Help me!

Not you!

Oh, my! A wall.

Lost Boys, stop! Stop it!

Play!

Play.

You're dead, jolly man.

He can't do those things.

He can't even play simple games.

Hook has got his kids,

and I've got three days...

...to get him ready to fight.

And I need everybody's help.

Peter Pan's got kids?

He can't fly, fight or crow.

If any of you says this here

scug ain't Peter Pan...

...cross the line.

What? I'll be right back.

What?

You are embarrassing me!

Oh, there you are, Peter!

But, Peter...

...you've grown up.

You promised never to grow old.

His nose got real big.

Well, welcome back to Never Land,

Pan the Man.

Don't listen to that faerie

and that brainless fungus!

I got Pan's sword! I'm the Pan now!

You think this guy's

gonna take it from me? Rufio?

Wait! If Tink believes, maybe he is.

Are you gonna follow this drooler

against Capitan Hook?

What's he doing here if he's not Peter

Pan, huh? He don't look happy here.

And who are them kids Hook's got?

Give him a chance!

Those are my kids, and Hook's

gonna kill them unless we do something.

Help me. Please.

Yeah, come on! Give him a chance!

Well, I should claw myself

with my own hook.

Not to kill Pan when I had the chance!

What have I done?

What have I done, Smee?

Agreed to a preposterous plan,

an absurd war.

Now I'm bound by my

indefatigable good form to wait.

- I'll fix you a nice plate.

- Wait for what?

Whether it be three days or three

decades, he'll always be a fat, old Pan.

I hate being disappointed, Smee.

And I hate living in this flawed body!

And I hate living in Never Land!

And I hate, I hate...

...I hate Peter Pan!

Smee? Smee?

I've just had a sublime vision.

All the jagged parts of my life...

...have come together to form

a complete and mystical whole.

An epiphany.

A "piphy" what?

My life is over.

You've lost your appetite?

Yes.

Goodbye.

Where're you going?

Are you getting dramatic?

Goodbye, Smee.

Captain, why don't we

play with your island?

All the little Indians and

the soldiers and all the Lost Boys?

Here we go.

No stopping me this time, Smee.

This is it.

Don't make a move, Smee.

Not a step.

My finger's on the trigger.

Don't try to stop me, Smee.

Oh, not again.

This is it.

Don't try to stop me this time, Smee.

Don't try to stop me this time, Smee.

Don't you dare try to stop me

this time, Smee. Try to stop me.

You better get up off your ass.

Get over here!

- I'm coming!

- Stop me!

This is not a joke!

I'm committing suicide!

Don't ever frighten me like that again.

- Sorry.

- What are you, a sadist?

I'm sorry. How do you feel now?

- I want to die.

- Oh, now, now.

- There's no adventure here.

- You call this "no adventure"?

Death is the only

great adventure I have left.

Let's get you into bed.

It's all over.

- I'm so tired.

- Don't upset yourself, captain.

My career is over.

This was supposed to be the war

to end all wars.

- And it will be, captain.

- The ultimate war.

There must be a way to get at him,

to get even with him...

...to get him where

it really would hurt.

There must be something I haven't

thought of. Where is he vulnerable?

No more talk about

doing away with yourself.

I mean, what would the world be like

without Captain Hook?

Indeed. Good form, Smee.

- What would the world be like without me?

- There you go.

I'm ready for my nightcap.

Abso-flogging-lutely.

I think a bit of skulduggery

would do you good.

Take your mind off this Pan business.

First thing tomorrow morning, we'll

shoot some Indians out at Long Tom.

I'm tired of killing Indians

and Lost Boys. I always kill them.

I want to kill Peter Pan.

I wanna kill him!

Hear me? I want to kill him.

Oh, dear.

I've just had an apostrophe.

I think you mean an "epiphany."

Lightning has just struck my brain.

Well, that must hurt.

- Pan's kids...

- What about them?

You could make them like you.

Say, what?

No, no, no.

We could make

the little buggers love you.

No little children love me.

- Captain, that is the point.

- What do you mean?

That is the ultimate revenge.

- What is?

- Pan's kids in love with Hook.

What're you getting on about?

- It's the ultimate payback.

- What is?

Imagine Pan...

...when he faces you, and his kids...

...standing beside you...

...ready to fight for the sleaziest

sleaze of the seven seas, Captain Hook.

- Captain, it's beautiful.

- Yes, I see.

You know, Smee...

...I like it, I like it, I like it!

Oh, Smee, what a superb idea

I've just had!

Tomorrow, I'll make Pan's brats love me.

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