Hooligans Page #5

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- Go on, piss off. Give you a bell later.

- How many reds d'you reckon'll turn up?

F*** knows.

- Catch.

- How's that?

The 2.55 train to Manchester...

Oi.

- All right, lads? Bovver?

- Pete.

- I thought we agreed to meet in the car park.

- Decided to wait here.

You want to play the wanker,

that's fine with me.

But leave it out till we've got today out the way.

- All right, mate?

- Sweet.

Come on, boys. Let's have it!

- I'm not lending you any more money.

- For f***'s sake, come on, play the game.

- You never paid me the last time, you c*nt.

- You taking the piss or what?

- What are you doing?

- I thought it was just the three of you.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

This what you were planning, eh?

I ain't going in with that f***ing mug.

- Sit down, mate.

- Hello, mate.

- Who's calling what here?

- Get on with the game.

He's here now.

[Phone rings]

- Dave, where are you?

- Sorry I missed you. Flight was an hour late.

- Fly faster.

- I'm here.

- What, Manchester?

- Yeah.

There's 40 of them waiting here,

all getting very f***ing excited.

Listen.

United!

- Bov.

- Unitedl Unitedl Unitedl

F***.

- Do you hear that?

- Yeah, man.

They're waiting here for you.

Don't roll into Manchester.

- All right, nice one.

- All right, laters.

- We are f***ed.

- What's happening?

- They're waiting for us at the station.

- They know we're on here?

- Must have had a scout watching us.

- How many?

- 40, 50.

- Can't we just get off at the next station?

F***ing express train.

Don't stop till Manchester.

Is that right, bruv?

Come on, boys.

If we don't show up now, they'll claim a result.

- We gotta get to that station first.

- We just got away.

You shouldn't even be here!

This is what it's all about.

- It's what we f***ing live for!

- F*** him!

Here's the plan. Ike, call Dave.

Tell him what's happening.

It's about 12 miles to Manchester.

We need a couple of cabs immediately.

[Pete] F***! Where's all the f***ing cabs?

- Pete, I got an idea.

- I thought I told you to shut up.

F*** you, Bovver.

Cut it! F***ing cut it out!

What is it?

[All chanting]

Who the f*** are Man United?

[Policeman over radio]

MP, this is MM5

in the vicinity of the last report responding.

Where the f*** are these c*nts? That train

should've been here ten minutes ago.

They'll be here soon.

There's no way off that train.

Stay sharp, lads. And remember,

Nigel gets that Dunham c*nt all to himself.

Nice one.

- What the f*** do you want?

- Sorry, guys.

We're with Paramount Pictures,

shooting the new Hugh Grant film.

- We gotta get this gear through.

- Hugh Grant film?

Any decent women in it?

Cameron Diaz, I think.

I hope so. She's fit as f***.

Let this c*nt through!

Thanks.

Give me 30 seconds,

then I'd get the f*** out of here.

# Where's your famous, where's your famous

# Where's your famous GSE?

Where's you famous, where's your famous... #

[# Terence Jay:
Shame]

[Police sirens wailing]

Get off me, you f***ing monkey!

# There's your famous GSE

There's your famous

# There's your famous

There's your Famous GSE

# There's your famous GSE #

[# The Stone Roses: I Wanna Be Adored]

[Matt] We could have died

that day in Manchester.

Everybody knew it. But we didn't.

Ike said later that the story travelled across

England faster than the death of Lady Di.

The GSE were finally back.

Suddenly, I was part of the firm

with the best rep in London.

- The old guards.

- [All] The old guards.

[Matt] People around town

had heard of me.

They would hear my accent and say.

"So you're the Yank."

[All chanting] United! United! United!

[Matt] You know the best part?

It isn't knowing that your friends

have your back.

It's knowing that you have

your friends' back.

# I don't have to sell my soul

He's already in me... #

They're on me.

[Matt] I'd never lived closer to danger.

But I'd never felt safer.

I'd never felt more confident.

And people could spot it

from a mile away.

And as for this, the violence,

I gotta be honest.

It grew on me.

# I wanna be adored... #

[Matt] Once you've taken a few punches

and realise you're not made of glass,

you don't feel alive unless you're

pushing yourself as far as you can go.

So what couldn't you tell me...?

I have to find out from your sister

that you're expelled?

- Why didn't you call me?

- I did.

- Your machine answered.

- You could have left a message.

Yeah, well, I'm tired of having a relationship

with your voicemail.

- You know what? I don't need this.

- Hey, Matt!

Matt, come on.

- Shannon says you were set up. Is that true?

- Yes.

- Why didn't you find me?

- Why didn't I find you?

- What's your f***ing point?

- My point is, this doesn't look good, Matt.

You say that you're set up.

You don't contact your father?

We could've fought this if you were innocent.

- If I were innocent?

- If you're innocent,

- Why didn't you ask for help?

- You think I'm a drug dealer?

- I don't know.

- What do you think?

- I don't know.

- Well, that's why I didn't find you.

Of course you don't know what to think.

You don't really know anything about me.

- So you came to England?

- Yeah.

- OK, what now, Matt? What's the plan?

- What do you really want?

- It's just a question.

- Listen, Carl.

Do you really expect me

to unburden myself to you?

You just show up and decide

you're the Dad again?

Look, I have to go to the London Times.

- You're unbelievable. You know that?

- Just someone I'd like you to meet.

I'm not five years old anymore.

It takes a little bit more to manipulate me.

An old friend from my Tribune days.

You thought all it takes

is a handshake from the editor

and I'll have my old life back?

It's just a free lunch.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,

to the Quarterfinal Draw

for the Football Association Cup.

The oldest and most prestigious tournament

in World Cup Football.

Fortunately, today we have with us

the West Ham legend, Mr Frank McAvennie

and chairman for our sponsors,

Mr Phil Peters.

As usual, the home team

will be drawn first. Frank.

- [Frank] Number two.

- Number two. Cardiff City

- will play...

- Number three, Liverpool.

- Yes.

- Shhh!

- [Frank] Number seven...

- Number seven, Sunderland will play...

- Number six.

- Number six, Newcastle United.

- Bit of a North-East derby.

- Yes.

- [Frank] Number eight.

- Number eight, West Ham United...

...will play...

...number five, Millwall.

- F***ing yes!

- [All] Yes!

- Yes!

- Come on, you Irons!

F***ing nice.

Bov, mate, we've got them, mate.

Oi, bruv, this is gonna go off.

Oi, oi, oi...

You won't believe who just

walked into the Times.

What? Who?

Our little Yank mate.

I f***ing knew it. I knew there was

something dodgy about that little c*nt.

Yeah, mate, sly.

- Tell you what. Pick me up after work.

- All right. I'll see you after work. Sweet.

[Carl] You know, your sister's worried sick

about you.

She says you're running around

with some kind of gang.

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