Hope Springs Page #5

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It's just the other morning

I noticed he didn't put any on.

It'd be great if you'd give them to him.

I'll see you, Mandy.

Hello?

Hi. It's me.

- It's Colin.

- What do you want?

You asked me over.

Are you gonna come in

or are you just gonna stand there?

It's my apartment.

I can stand where I want in my apartment.

I've never seen one of these.

May I sit in it?

- If you have to.

- I suppose the idea is you just

sort of lower yourself?

Don't be an idiot, Colin.

I'm sure you've sat in one of those before.

I've done many disreputable things,

but lying about sitting in butterfly chairs

is lower than even I would go.

Though this is probably

the lowest I've been.

These are for you.

- That's very nice of you. Thank you.

- Don't thank me. Thank Vera.

- You bumped into Vera?

- Yesterday.

She said you needed those cos she said

she saw you without them.

No, that was when she arrived.

I'd been in the shower.

Colin, you've been cheating on me.

And worse, you've been using me.

What has she told you?

- I thought we had something special.

- We do.

But you never mentioned

the things that matter to you.

Do you know how much that hurts me,

to realise how little I mean to you?

It was all just a way for you to take your

mind off what was going on in England.

- And what is going on in England?

- Your father's surgery.

Vera told you about my father's operation?

Did she tell you what it was for?

She couldn't bring herself

to go into much detail.

No. That's understandable.

- Shall I tell you?

- It's too late.

No, I want to tell you. It started last year

when my parents were moving house.

They hired a removals company

to shift most of the furniture.

Beds, sofas, and so forth.

Some of the smaller stuff - the odd chair,

paintings - they moved themselves.

My father was carrying this chair

up the stairs in the new house when...

- It's OK.

- It was a very heavy wooden chair and...

- You don't have to tell me.

- No, it's all right. It helps to talk about it.

As he was going up the stairs

with this chair, he dropped it,

and it landed on his foot.

It was all forgotten until a few weeks later

when suddenly his big toe started...

curling in.

For months my mother tried

to get him to see somebody,

until finally,

as a treat on her birthday, he did.

And do you know what

the shocking diagnosis was, Mandy?

Ingrown toenail!

Naturally we were all devastated.

His chances of recovery are pretty good.

It's somebody else whose chances of

survival have just plummeted to zero.

Perhaps you can understand now

why I kept it from you for so long.

Hello?

- Mandy, is Colin with you?

- Yeah, he is.

- There's a Vera Edwards on the line.

- Put her through.

It's your friend.

- Hello, Vera. Have a good flight back?

- I need to talk to you, face to face.

- I won't be back in England until...

- No, I'm still here in Hope.

I'm not going back

until you come with me.

Meet me tomorrow at the golf course.

Three o'clock.

Yeah, great. That's great.

Well, say hello to everybody back there.

What's the weather like over there?

Good. And I'll do it... OK. Bye, then.

So, you like butterflies, then.

I'm not going back

until you come with me.

Why are you still here?

And why meet on a golf course?

Cos I can't have this conversation

without having a cigarette,

and this is apparently the only place

in the United States where I can smoke.

- You got your knickers all right, then?

- Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

- And you got my fax?

- Yes. I was very touched.

Just not enough to do anything about it.

I presume your friend told you

about the chat we had the other day.

Yes, the one about our continuing sex life

and my father's life-threatening operation.

Vee, will you just light that cigarette

so we can get whatever this is over with?

She seems

like a very sweet person, Mandy.

- She's so vivacious and bubbly and fun.

- So you think she's stupid.

I can see how you might be charmed

by her childlike spiritual innocence.

Is it Mandy with a y. Or Mandi with an i

with a little circle above it?

Let me tell you something.

If you're going to tell me she's Mensa

material, I'll have to get more cigarettes.

Is that her long-term career,

washing old people's bottoms?

Which is better? That, or choosing photos

for your vacuous fashion magazine?

- Can I get back to you on that one?

- I've had enough. I'm off.

Colin, wait. Don't go. Come back.

Vera, would you just tell me

what you brought me out here to say?

I love you, and I want you to

stop this nonsense and come back home.

- What is that?

- A cigarette. Step any closer and you die.

- You can't smoke here.

- You can. My friend read the rules.

- Fiance.

- As long as it doesn't bother... Ex-fiance.

You can't have read the rule that says

when you're on the golf course

you play golf.

And you don't seem to be playing golf.

- You have no clubs.

- They were dangerous.

- The rules clearly state...

- Look! My friend and I...

- Fiance.

- We just needed to have a private talk.

We have some personal problems.

Quite by chance we find ourselves

on this beautiful course

as we try to work through

these difficult issues.

- You're right!

- Colin, calm down.

This is not the place

to try to come to grips with private matters.

If we have impacted negatively on your

enjoyment of the third hole, I apologise!

My hysterical ex-fiance here

is just on her way to the airport,

so your enjoyment of the rest of the course

will be just as it should be!

- Have a pleasant flight!

- Colin!

Colin, it's just a midlife crisis!

You'll get over it!

I hope this one's

better than the last one.

- Martha, it looked good last time.

- I'm not talking about my hair.

- I'm talking about your boyfriend.

- What do you know about the last one?

I could tell from the start

it wasn't gonna work.

You approached it

in completely the wrong way.

- You never even met him.

- I'm talking about my hair. Do keep up.

Anyway, you never know.

This may be your last chance.

- Martha, you're not going anywhere.

- I know I'm not. But he may be.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Thanks.

Do you ever think about

my going back to England?

- No.

- No?

I have a few other things

going on in my life besides you, you know.

- I think about going back.

- You have to make a reservation and stuff.

I don't want to go back.

- Why not?

- Why do you think?

- You like America?

- Yes.

- That's not the reason. It's something else.

- Our delicious hamburgers?

No, no. It's not the hamburgers.

- Our humble, friendly ways?

- Not the humble, friendly ways.

Why are you bringing up all this sh*t?

To torture me?

I'm bringing it up

because I don't want to go back alone.

- You want someone to go with you?

- Yes.

But only if they want to.

I wouldn't kidnap them.

I would, but the airlines have got

rather strict on hand luggage lately.

If force wasn't an issue and the person

wanted to come of their own free will,

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