Hope Springs Page #6

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you'd want them to go with you?

If they weren't too busy with all the many

other things in their hectic life, yes.

I'm sure, if they tried very hard, they could

find some time to fit you in their schedule.

Oh, really?

- What's up?

- See the woman by the pool?

- Jesus! What does she think she's doin'?

- No, not the cigarettes, Fisher.

That's Vera.

She's back again looking for Colin.

It's really none of our business.

Fisher, even you must have noticed

that Anglo-American relations are reaching

an all-time high in room 11, right?

I heard the headboard, yes, Joanie.

So when Mandy comes tootling back

to Colin's room with this week's groceries,

and when there's blood in the pool,

and when there's yellow police tape

wrapped around the entire motel,

and when we're on the front page

of the Hope Herald.

Maybe then you might think

it's some of our business.

Just go get rid of her.

I'm afraid this is a no-smokin' area.

What, America?

I'm Fisher, the co-manager.

Oh, does it take more than one person

to run this place?

So, you're here in America

on your own, then?

- Excuse me?

- You...

- You didn't come here with someone else?

- No, I came on my own.

- I'll take your word for it.

- Sorry?

- If you say so.

- Who else...?

I don't know who else

you might have brought along.

A certain swami, maybe?

Who knows?

I'm afraid you're gonna have to

vacate this area.

- We've had trouble with your kind before.

- What?

Besides, we have a maple syrup

convention comin' at three, so...

Immediately. Please.

Well, you can tell him

I'll keep coming around until he sees me.

- It was nice of you to come over.

- Like I had an option.

Vera, this has got to stop. You shouldn't be

in America and I shouldn't be in your room.

I feel like I'm being stalked.

You'll be boiling rabbits next.

Can we please just stop playing games,

just get back to the way we were?

Let's get in my car and drive to New York

and jump on the first plane to London.

- Let's just go home.

- We've become so stale.

Being with Mandy

has taught me something.

You learned something from Mandy?

We haven't been like lovers for years,

you and I. More like brother and sister.

- We're more than just a couple. We're...

- An institution. Exactly!

Inextricably linked, like

Marks & Spencer, or bacon and eggs,

or foot-and-bloody-mouth.

We've just been treading water for years,

and it's no good. Life's too short for that.

And I'm not saying I never want to

see you again. I'd hate to think...

You know that bit in your fax, about the

"plateau of mutual affection" we've found?

Exactly. We can stay friends.

- That mustn't be cheapened.

- Precisely.

Oh, God.

I want to cheapen it.

I mean, really cheapen it.

Vera, no. This is not on. It's not on.

I promise you'll find something in your life,

like I found in mine - something exciting.

Like Venice?

You remember Venice, Colin.

Vee, I can't be any clearer

on where we stand.

I'm not leaving until...

No, I am leaving, very soon.

When did you buy this?

Vera, honestly, no,

I'm totally unshakeable on this.

I can feel your resolve stiffening.

This seems the right sort of

spectacularly memorable moment

- in which to finally say goodbye.

- Colin, don't.

Bye, Vera.

- I'm not going.

- No. Vera... Vera...

Bye. Bye, Vee.

Hi.

He's not here yet, the vicar?

No, he's not here. There's no portrait.

I just wanted to talk to you.

In church?

I figured it's the only place

we wouldn't end up having sex.

Have you talked to Vera lately?

Vera?

Oh, you mean since the phone call?

Because I think I must be having a problem

with my ears and my eyes.

- Sorry?

- When you talked to her on the phone,

didn't you ask her

what the weather was like in London?

- Yes.

- Good. Then my ears are OK.

But that must mean

my eye problem is really serious,

cos last night I drove past the lvy and there

were all these fire engines and people.

And maybe it's myopia,

but I could have sworn I saw Vera there.

But she was in England

giving you the weather report.

I thought I saw you too. It looked like you

had your tongue down each other's throats.

But that can't be right because,

according to you, that relationship is over

and I'm the only one for you.

But the bad part that makes me think

I should run to the eye doctor right away

is that it looked to me

like she was totally butt-naked.

- She had underwear on.

- Good.

Then there's nothing for me

to worry about.

I'm sorry, Mandy. I should have told you.

I just can't shake her off.

I went there specifically to tell her

it was all over. She set the fire alarm off.

- The sex was that good?

- No, there was no sex.

You were telling her it was over, she took

her clothes off and the fire alarm went off?

Actually, that's pretty much

exactly how it happened, yeah.

Well, have a good trip back, Colin.

Do you have a passport?

No.

- Don't you think it might come in handy?

- I don't want one, OK?

What would make you apply for one?

What part of "I don't want one"

don't you understand?

- Having a passport...

- Bye, Colin.

I love you, Mandy.

- There is one thing.

- One thing what?

If you promise that you'll never

come here again

and that you'll never call me or write me

or try to see me,

ever,

then I'll go to the town hall and, if it seems

so important to you, I'll get a passport.

Do you understand?

You'll only get a passport

if we never see each other again.

Goodbye, Colin.

But if we never see

or talk to each other again,

how will I know you've sent for a passport?

You'll just have to trust me.

- Goodbye for ever, then.

- Don't make a joke of it.

Just plain goodbye, then.

So, these'll be for

your "lmages of Hope" exhibition, right?

We liked that, didn't we, Harold?

"Birthplace of American Art."

And how's young Mandy?

We don't see much of her

since that fiance of yours came to town.

Settin' off the hotel sprinklers.

Do you know what colour underwear

I have on today?

Just in case

you need to spread the word.

Word is, you don't wear no underwear.

It's uncanny.

Funny and serious, all at once.

Brash, with just a hint of impishness.

Pulsating with youthful energy,

while at the same time

exuding a passionate sense of civic pride.

Doug, you did say something, didn't you,

about the key to the city and all that?

- Anything I want?

- Anything.

Anything you want.

Doug Reed's word is his bond.

You just ask and you shall have it.

Shrewd judge of human nature

that I am,

I sense we're about to have revealed here

the dark side of Mr Colin Ware.

Thanks for meeting me, Col.

I have something to show you.

You won't believe it. This morning

Doug called me into his office.

- Doug?

- Doug Reed. The mayor.

- You told him all about me.

- Yes, I think I did mention you in passing.

More than just in passing.

He knew my name was Edwards, he knew

I'm half-Welsh, and he knew I was here.

Which is why he was so very excited.

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