Horrible Bosses Page #14

We see a black Mercedes SLK pull up. A distinguished-

looking MAN in a well-tailored suit steps out. He wears

sunglasses and carries a briefcase.

45 BACK TO SCENE 45

NICK:

Nice car.

KURT:

Whoa. This guy's legit.

DALE:

I bet that briefcase has one of

those guns you have to screw

together.

NICK:

All right, let's just be

professional here. We don't want

to seem all giddy.

A knock at the door.

KURT:

(HUSHED)

How's my hair?

NICK:

(SOTTO)

It doesn't matter!

Kurt opens the door on the Man who looks even smoother up

close.

MAN:

(BRITISH ACCENT)

Is one of you Kurt?

DALE:

(whispering to Nick)

Oh my God, he's like James Bond!

KURT:

(to the Man)

Yes, hi, I'm Kurt. Please come

in.

MAN:

Thank you. Are all three of you

participating in this?

(CONTINUED)

46.

45 CONTINUED:
45

NICK:

Yes, we are.

MAN:

Very well. Now before we go any

further, I need to know if there

are any hidden recording devices

in this room. I will find out if

there are.

DALE:

No, no! We definitely don't want

to record this, sir.

MAN:

Then let's get started.

He walks to the middle of the living room, opens his

briefcase and takes out a plastic tarp which he proceeds

to unfurl over the carpet.

KURT:

Whoa, whoa. What's that for?

MAN:

For the mess.

NICK:

We don't want you to kill us!

DALE:

(FREAKING OUT)

Oh my God! I knew it!

MAN:

Kill you? What are you talking

about?

The guys exchange a confused look.

KURT:

Your ad said you do wet work.

MAN:

That's correct. I urinate on

other men for money.

NICK/KURT

What?!

MAN:

Why do you think my ad was in the

`men seeking men' section?

(CONTINUED)

47.

45 CONTINUED:
(2) 45

NICK:

(TO KURT)

You were looking in `men seeking

men'?!

KURT:

Yeah! We're men seeking a man,

aren't we?

NICK:

You are such a moron.

MAN:

So you're telling me I drove all

the way to the Valley and no one

wants to be pissed on?

DALE:

Please don't kill us.

MAN:

I don't kill people!

(then, sighing)

Can I use your rest room? I've

stored up rather a large amount of

pee for this.

KURT:

(POINTING)

It's right through there.

The Man heads off. After a beat --

KURT:

Good thing I didn't call the guy

who was offering to do `dirty

work.'

46 INT. KURT'S CAR - THAT NIGHT 46

Kurt drives. Nick is in the passenger seat. Dale in

back.

KURT:

All right, I'll take the blame for

that one.

NICK:

That's big of you.

KURT:

I'm going to make it up to you. I

figured out a much better way to

find a contract killer.

(CONTINUED)

48.

46 CONTINUED:
46

DALE:

What's that?

Kurt reaches up and pushes a button on the rear-view

mirror. A male voice comes over the speaker.

ON STAR REP (V.O.)

(INDIAN ACCENT)

Hello, Mr. Gamble, thank you for

contacting On Star --

DALE:

Oh, come on!

NICK:

(TO KURT)

This is your plan?

ON STAR REP (V.O.)

-- my name is Gregory. How can I

be of service this evening?

KURT:

Gregory, I need you to direct me

to the most dangerous bar in Los

Angeles.

ON STAR REP (V.O.)

I'm sorry?

KURT:

We need to find the bar with the

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