Horrible Bosses Page #13

f*** me on top of my fiancée's

unconscious body.

KURT:

Whoa!

DALE:

I say we kill them all. Are you

guys in or out?

KURT:

I was in last night.

DALE:

Yes! Nick?

They both turn to Nick who is uncertain. Kurt spots the

photo of Nick with his GRANDMOTHER and grabs it off the

wall.

KURT:

Look at her. Look at Bubby.

NICK:

Gam Gam.

(CONTINUED)

42.

42 CONTINUED:
42

KURT:

Look at Gam Gam. Getting a smooch

from her favorite grandson.

Little does she know that she'll

never get to say goodbye to him.

And why? Because his shithead

boss wouldn't let him leave. What

would Gam Gam want you to do?

NICK:

Probably not kill him.

KURT:

This isn't about Gam Gam. This is

about you. What do you want,

Nick?

NICK:

I want him to die.

KURT:

Damn straight!

NICK:

Okay, I'm in.

KURT:

All right! Let's do this.

(THEN)

How do we do this?

DALE:

I was thinking about that on my

way over. Stacy and I watch a lot

of `Law & Order' and there's a ton

of ways criminals mess up. Things

we'd never think of. They leave

behind clothing fibers, bullet

casings, hair, skin cells --

KURT:

Skin cells?! I can't even keep

track of my keys!

DALE:

Exactly. And that's why we need a

professional.

NICK:

What are you talking about, a

hitman?

Dale nods.

(CONTINUED)

43.

42 CONTINUED:
(2) 42

KURT:

You know, that's not bad. I mean,

we don't clean our own apartments,

right? We hire someone to clean

them for us.

DALE:

Maybe you do, moneybags.

NICK:

But where are we supposed to find

a hitman?

DALE:

That's the only problem. I have

no idea.

There's a beat. Kurt's eyes light up.

KURT:

I do. Meet at my place tomorrow

after work. And make sure you're

not followed.

NICK:

Why would anyone follow us?

KURT:

I don't know. People get

followed.

DALE:

What people?

KURT:

Just meet me at my place.

43 INT. KURT'S APARTMENT - NEXT EVENING 43

Kurt opens the door on Nick and Dale. The decor of

Kurt's place is best described as a middle-income

bachelor pad.

KURT:

Come in. The guy should be here

pretty soon.

NICK:

Wait. You actually found

someone?!

KURT:

It was as easy as buying a used

futon.

(CONTINUED)

44.

43 CONTINUED:
43

He points to his computer. On the screen is a listing

FROM --

DALE:

Craigslist?! You found a hitman

on Craigslist.

KURT:

Yup. But they don't post it as

`hitman.' That would be stupid.

They use code words, like

`liquidation,' `pest control,'

`wet work.' Check it out. This

is our guy.

Nick reads the listing.

NICK:

`Skilled professional with years

of experience in domestic and

international wet work. Fast and

discreet. No children or

political figures.'

KURT:

See? He's principled.

DALE:

This is so dangerous. What if

he's a narc?

NICK:

Yeah, Kurt. Call him back and

cancel.

KURT:

It's too late. He's on his way.

DALE:

What do we do if this guy gets

here and he asks for so much money

that we can't afford him and he

gets mad and kills all of us?

KURT:

I don't think he'd stay in

business long if he killed

everyone who couldn't afford him.

NICK:

(looking out window)

Guys! I think this is him!

The others hurry to look. From --

45.

44 THEIR POV 44

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