Horrible Bosses Page #4

down Dale's crotch with it.

DALE:

Hey!

JULIA:

Sorry, I'm a squirter.

(studying his groin)

I think I can just make out our

friend. Looks like someone is

circumcised!

DALE:

All right, Julia, listen. You

can't keep doing this.

JULIA:

I know, I know, you have a

GIRLFRIEND --

DALE:

She's not my girlfriend anymore.

Stacy and I got engaged last

night.

Julia's whole demeanor changes. She becomes deadly

serious.

JULIA:

What?

DALE:

We're engaged.

JULIA:

You're actually going to marry

that little dummy?

DALE:

Hey!

JULIA:

I thought you said she was just a

hole for your dick.

DALE:

That's a horrible thing to say. I

never said that!

Mr. Anderton GROANS groggily.

(CONTINUED)

12.

22 CONTINUED:
(3) 22

JULIA:

(OMINOUSLY)

I'm very disappointed in you,

Dale.

(then, coldly)

Scaler.

Shaken, Dale hands her the tool.

23 EXT. PELLIT CHEMICAL CO. - DAY 23

A medium-sized warehouse building in an industrial

neighborhood.

24 INT. PELLIT CHEMICAL CO. - CONTINUOUS ACTION 24

KURT GAMBLE, 30s, good-looking, sits at his desk. Unlike

Nick and Dale, Kurt seems content in his workplace. A

reasonably cute, but by no means drop-dead gorgeous, UPS

GIRL approaches his desk with a package.

UPS GIRL:

Excuse me? Can you sign for this,

please?

KURT:

(TAKING IT)

Sure.

(LOOKING UP)

Whoa, whoa. Hold on. What is

this?

UPS GIRL:

I'm sorry?

KURT:

This is one of those hidden camera

shows, isn't it?

UPS GIRL:

What do you mean?

KURT:

Come on. You're way too good-

looking to be a UPS girl. What

are you, a model? An actress?

What's gonna happen when I open

this box? Is something going to

jump out at me?

(CONTINUED)

13.

24 CONTINUED:
24

UPS GIRL:

(GRINNING)

Nothing's gonna happen. I'm just

a UPS girl.

KURT:

Shut up.

UPS GIRL:

(PLAYFULLY)

You shut up. It's true.

KURT:

Well, then, I need to take you out

to dinner.

UPS GIRL:

Why?

KURT:

Because I want to be able to tell

my friends that I took out the

hottest UPS girl in America. Come

on, what do you say?

She considers this briefly, then scribbles her number on

a Post-it note.

KURT:

Awesome. I'm Kurt.

UPS GIRL:

Myrna.

KURT:

Pretty name. How's Tuesday?

Macaroni Grill?

UPS GIRL:

Okay.

KURT:

See you then, Myrna.

She heads off. Kurt opens his DATEBOOK and scribbles

"UPS Girl" in the Tuesday slot. We see every night of

the week is filled with appointments with other women:

"Barnes & Noble girl," "Lauren? Laura?," "Blonde Chick"

and so on.

JACK (O.S.)

Busy week?

Kurt looks up at JACK PELLIT, 70s, the kindly,

affectionate owner of the company.

(CONTINUED)

14.

24 CONTINUED:
(2) 24

KURT:

Hey, Jack. Yeah, just doing my

part for the women of America.

JACK:

(CHUCKLING)

You're what we used to call a

rapscallion.

KURT:

That sounds a lot more innocent

than `sex addict.'

JACK:

Walk with me, Kurt.

The two of them head toward the exit.

JACK:

I wanted to talk to you about --

KURT:

Last quarter's profits? I ran the

numbers. We're down by 11 percent

year-to-year.

JACK:

It's this damn recession. What

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