Horrible Bosses 2 Page #14

Shut the f*** up.

Let me see it.

I said let me see it.

Okay.

- Everybody move the f*** off.

- Yeah, he looks pretty guilty now, right?

He's definitely suspect.

Drop your f***ing guns.

You shoot this prick.

You shoot this prick right now.

You drop your guns or I'll blow

his f***ing head off. You hear me? Move.

Move.

He's gonna get away with this.

- This guy doesn't quit.

- He's incredibly resilient.

- You. Keys in the car?

- Keys are in the car.

- This f***ing guy.

- Calm down.

This f***ing guy took everything from me.

"Calm down, Dale"? No.

- F*** this f***ing guy. He took my wife.

- All right, step away.

- He took my kids. I'm gonna do something.

- Easy. What are you gonna do?

- Look who's the predator now, b*tch.

- Wait, Dale. What are you doing?

- Dale.

- Oh, I'm shot.

Get in there. Get him.

Cuff this crazy a**hole. And beat the sh*t

out of him while you're at it.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Dale, buddy, you okay? Hey.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, wow.

- Oh, sh*t.

- What was that?

Dale, let's put this down.

What was the plan here, buddy?

- I overreacted. It's not even sharp.

- Adrenaline.

Did it just graze me, or...?

No, you got hit right in the square

of the f***ing chest.

- Went straight through.

- You're gonna be fine.

No, I don't know about that.

That's a lot of blood.

- Don't listen to him. You're gonna make it.

- Ah, f***.

Hey, if you want hope, listen to him.

If you want the truth, I'm your f***ing guy,

all right? This is bad news.

- Can we get some help here?

- Don't worry. We're gonna get you fixed up.

- Oh, Jesus Christ.

- Is it bad? Is it bad?

- That's a big f***ing hole.

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna go to this light right here.

- If you've gotta go, you gotta go.

- Please don't let me die with him talking.

- I'll take care of Stacy and your boys.

- That couldn't be more annoying.

- I'm not trying to be annoying.

- I'm trying to have fun.

- It's annoying.

- It worked though. Look at that.

- Look who's talking. You okay?

You've been drifting in and out.

Nice to hear you talking.

So, what do the doctors say?

Am I gonna die?

- Yes.

- Yes?

- No.

- We're all gonna die.

It's been touch-and-go,

but you're gonna be fine.

Doctors are gonna let you out.

- That's good.

- They did have to give you a bird's heart.

- Oh, God.

- You okay with that?

- No.

- He's kidding.

- We're kidding.

- That heart would've been too old for me.

How long was I out?

- Two years.

- Really?

- Four days.

- That's better.

Why didn't you play?

Thought we were gonna say two years.

We've got a woman president.

Sh*t.

- Look who's here.

- Oh, my gosh. He's talking.

- You're talking. Hi.

- We'll leave you alone.

Please. Let me explain everything to you,

there are so many misunderstandings.

- It's okay. Julia explained everything.

- Don't talk to her. She's crazy.

She told me everything she put you through

because of her affliction.

"Her affliction"?

It's heartbreaking

what she's been through.

- Hi.

- She also told me that my husband...

...is the only one that ever resisted her.

- Okay.

- Dale, you are one lucky man.

Your wife is so understanding and caring.

- Right.

- So beautiful.

She has been so supportive with the babies.

And helpful.

Oh. Please, it's the least I can do

to make amends for my bad behavior.

Okay.

I'm gonna find Dr. Mike,

tell him you're talking.

Okay, good. Go get the doctor

because I'm feeling a little--

What is going on here?

What's up? I'm off the hook? No more

white-whale business? Or any of that?

- Mm-hm. No more. You're off the hook.

- Really?

Did you know that when men are in a coma

they can still get an erection?

It's true, Dale. Coma boners.

"Coma boner"? What?

Lots and lots of coma boners.

Think about it.

- Oh, sh*t.

- All right, well, I better go.

I'm booking a spa day for me and Stacy.

- I'm gonna f*** your wife, Dale.

- No, no.

No. Uh, no, you're not.

Hang on. Hang on. No.

- Hey, there she is.

- Boys.

You look fantastic. You know, I've been

sending you a lot of unanswered texts.

- That's not how you catch them.

- I think she said she's gonna f*** my wife.

- Thought she already did.

- That horse may have left the barn.

I figured those guys

have been bumping tacos.

- Super touchy-feely lately.

- I can't process this. This is too much.

Anyway, so, what's even going on?

- Did we get in trouble with the police, or...?

- We did, yeah.

- Yeah. A lot.

- We got arrested for a long list of felonies.

But because you took a bullet for

the detective, DA got rid of the biggies.

- Dropped some charges? Nice.

- You're like a little Kevin Costner.

You're our bodyguard.

Ha, ha. Pretty sweet. All right,

so I'm guessing we saved the business.

- Nope. We did not.

- We did not.

The bank foreclosed a couple days ago.

Going once, going twice, sold.

To D.H. Commercial Trust.

But there's good news. The guy who

bought the company is keeping us on to run it.

- If we bring that down to $300, you've got--

- Lupe. All right.

Hola, Lupe.

- Uh, SkyMall?

- Si, SkyMall.

Great. That's great news.

- Uh, SkyMall order is ready to ship.

- The boss is gonna love that.

Yes. Let's go show him

these great numbers too.

Are we happy with these numbers?

They're pretty good.

- Room for improvement.

- We can do better.

Oh, my God.

I just realized. You actually thought

you were bringing me good news.

The three of you walked in with smiles

on your f***ing pathetic faces.

Why were you born?

Why were the three of you born?

Looking at you is like looking out

over the Grand Canyon of ineptitude.

It's a wonder your parents

didn't smother you--

- Where you going?

- See you next week.

I have an idea.

Why don't you try a suicide pact?

And I'm not talking about throwing yourself

off a building or some sleeping-pills sh*t.

I'm talking about,

you f*** each other to death.

Where the f*** do you think you're going?

I own you!

Well, we have several franchise opportunities

available in your area.

But, uh, purchasing a store requires...

...a significant up-front investment.

Well, in that case...

...start me off with three locations.

I'm sure that we can accommodate you,

Mr. Jones.

Please. Mr. Jones? That's my daddy.

Call me Motherf***er.

Every-- This guy.

Okay. First we tie up Rex in one

of those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.

First we're gonna tie up Rex--

First we're gonna tie up Rex--

F*** off, everyone.

As soon as Bert's car is underground, heh,

the police lose--

Bert's car goes underground, right?

Police lose the signal from the wire.

Do you guys validate parking? Not you

personally, obviously, that'd be racist.

You're gonna pull into Space 4421--

I gotta call you back.

The bank foreclosed two days ago.

- Hey, but there is good news.

- Really?

"Really?"

We need to talk to somebody legitimate.

We need to find someone

who can get us our company back.

I can't take you to the next scene

any better than that. I can't.

Well, then I would marry Daniel Craig...

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