Hostel

-Amsterdam, motherf***er.

-Okay.

Come on, let's go.

Where are we going?

Red-light district. Time for sneepur.

Let's go to the coffee shop first,

then get some sneepur.

Hey, I think the Anne Frank

house is around here.

Did we come to Europe

just to smoke pot?

I came all the way from Iceland.

-Yeah, what if we did?

-We did that every day in college.

Why not, like, you know,

check out a museum?

No, you're right.

We should go to a museum.

How about the hemp museum?

Oli proudly presents...

...Isabella.

She's cute.

But we can't rail a girl

who's in a coma.

I think that's illegal

even in Amsterdam.

-Hey, I'm just warming up, man.

-F***ing Oli.

The Icelandic...

Oh, God, how are you?

You want to get stoned?

-This will wake you up.

-What the f***?

This is good Amsterdam sh*t.

That's the sh*t right there, dude.

Trust me.

Yeah.

-It's all good, bro.

-Yeah, dude, smoke it!

-Dude, what happened?

-Any Dutch people in Amsterdam?

All right, this is my friend, Josh.

-Well, hello.

-Hi.

-Do you guys want another round?

-Yes, okay.

Yeah?

We will be right back.

-What are you doing?

-What?

Do you see a single other person

in here with a f***ing fanny pack?

Wait. There's a guy.

Why don't you go have

fanny-pack sex with him...

...and jizz all over each other's

storage compartments?

I can't put my passport in my pocket.

It chafes my thighs, b*tch.

-All right?

-Yeah.

Where's Oli?

He's f***ing genius.

Sneepur alert, 3 o'clock.

-She smokes.

-Dude, it's Europe!

Every f***ing chick smokes.

Stop being a p*ssy.

You are so easy sometimes.

The power of the pack is yours.

I'm out of here.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I...

No, I don't even speak Dutch.

No, I'm sorry, I...

Get off me, you f***ing

f*ggot-ass elf. F*** off.

-Hey, what the f***?

-Hey. Hey.

Come on, f*ggot.

-F***er!

-Get your f***ing hands off me.

-I'm an American, I got rights.

-Get the f*** out.

-Your f***ing club sucks ass, bro.

-Kiss my American ass, f***er.

-F*** you.

-Let's get out of here, bro.

Hey, I don't know why

you guys are waiting.

It's a f***ing fag fest in there.

Wall-to-wall f***ing cock.

You need one of these

to get in, bro. Sorry.

That sh*t was classic, dude.

He was gonna throw down

with a 400-pound Dutchman.

I'm f***ing awesome!

I don't f***ing know what...

I thought you were a Jew, man.

This guy's a f***ing Israeli!

You are f***ing Israeli.

Oh, God, I hope bestiality

is legal in Amsterdam...

...because that girl's a f***ing hog.

Look at that, man.

Hey, guys,

I think she likes me, man.

Oh, look at that.

Josh, my gift to you, man.

Thanks, but paying to do whatever

you want to someone isn't a turn-on.

How are you gonna get over your chick

if you don't bang some new p*ssy?

You can't go home

without getting some hot chick.

I agree, but I shouldn't

have to pay for it.

Hey, come on, I'm paying, man.

Hey.

Are you okay?

Hello? Hello?

Hey, close the door.

You watch, you pay.

Sorry. Jesus.

You're up, slugger.

Man, I'm f***ing... I'm tired, man.

I can, like, barely stand up.

Josh, you want

to be a f***ing writer?

How about some life experience,

right there in that room.

-What do we have in here?

-Hey, you watch, you pay.

I pay. I pay, man. Come on.

Hey.

Come, sit.

Your friends are so funny.

Yeah.

You can wash over here, by sink.

It was fine.

What do you mean? That b*tch had

the best f***ing tits in Amsterdam.

It was fine. It was whatever.

What was that?

-It's f***ing after curfew, man.

-Curfew? What are we, 1 3?

Let us the f*** in,

we're freezing our balls off.

We paid to stay here.

They can't just, like, lock us out.

This is bullshit.

Hello?

Open the f***ing door.

-What did you tell him?

-He just told them to let us in.

-Shut up!

-Jesus.

Shut the f*** up,

you f***ing Americans.

Hey, I know what to do.

Shut up.

Hey, hey, guys. Up here.

Climb quickly.

Come on.

Go. Go, go, go.

Oh, don't mind them.

They are so f***ed up they don't

know what planet they are on.

-Thanks, bro.

-It's no problem.

Not everyone

want to kill Americans.

Paxton.

Alexei. But call me Alex.

What's up, Alex.

This is Josh and Oli.

Guys, this is f***ing awesome, man.

I'm the first in line for sneepur.

Oh, that's Icelandic for "clit. "

Clitoris or clitoris,

however you wanna say that.

Women have it.

It's, like, right near the labia.

Like, it hangs.

Oh, yeah.

Very good sneepur in Iceland.

-Yeah.

-Come on, guys, have a seat.

Where you travel to?

We started in Paris,

which is where we met this drifter.

Anyway, we went all over France...

...and then Switzerland, Belgium,

and now we're in Amsterdam.

Yeah, kind of over Amsterdam.

Way too many Americans.

Yeah, but Oli's got a friend

with a flat in Barcelona...

...and he's supposed to hook us up

with some hot-ass senoritas.

Looking for girls?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

So talk to Alex.

He open up the p*ssy

all over the Europe.

I can help you.

Oh, sh*t.

Alex is a pimp, apparently.

Thanks, bro,

but I think we'll be okay.

-Yeah.

-Good.

You looking for girls like this?

These are f***ing magnificent.

-Who the hell are these girls?

-You have to go east, my friend.

This is where the best girls are.

The best.

How far east?

You can go as far as Ukraine,

around Odessa.

These girls I met

at this one hostel in Slovakia...

...just outside Bratislava.

The girls there are so hot

you cannot believe it.

And they love anyone foreign,

especially American.

They hear your accent,

they f*** you.

So wait, this place

is near Bratislava?

Josh.

You won't find this hostel

in any guidebook.

Barcelona, so many Americans.

But Slovakia? No one there.

There is so much p*ssy, and because

of the war, there are no guys.

You go to this hostel,

you will have any girl you want.

They go crazy for any foreigner.

You just...

...take them.

F***, man.

Can't you keep your Viking ass

in your pants for, like, two seconds?

Hey, man, I shaved my ass

just for you.

-Okay, all right.

-My Viking balls too.

Okay, stop.

I'm sorry.

My daughter.

She miss her daddy,

and Daddy miss her.

Yeah, no problem, dude, it's cool.

-Saskia.

-Cute.

-She's adorable.

-She's a little cutie, yeah.

This is Svanhildur, my daughter.

-Very pretty.

-She's 6.

She's starting school this year.

Wait, you have a daughter?

Yeah, of course, my horse.

I was married for eight years.

Okay. All right.

-You are on vacation?

-Yeah, we're backpacking.

Our next stop is Bratislava.

-What?

-Slovakia.

You will like it.

Casino, girls.

You can pay to do anything.

Anything.

-How are the girls?

-Very beautiful.

They will love you.

Handsome American like you.

Handsome devil. He is handsome.

That's... That's awkward.

That's awkward.

That's awkward too.

-You need a fork there, chief?

-No, no, no.

I prefer to use my hands.

I believe...

...people have

lost their relationship with food.

They do not think:

"This is something who gave its life

so I would not go hungry. "

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