Hot Fuzz Page #9

You are all gonna have to come with me.

No, Nicholas, I'm afraid it is you

who is going to have to come with us.

Danny, no.

Back off! Back off!

Or I swear to God,

you'll be explaining how Danny tripped over

and accidentally cut off his own head.

Come on, Nicholas.

You haven't got it in you.

I mean it!

Sh*t!

Gypsy scum. Travelers.

Thieving kids. Dog muck.

Crusty jugglers.

Crusty jugglers. Crusty jugglers.

Crusty jugglers.

There hasn't been a recorded murder

in Sandford for 20 years.

There's a reason we accommodate

a few of the younglings at the pub.

Spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.

I'll make sure everyone gets

their just deserts.

If we don't come down hard

on these clowns...

We'll get round to it.

Danny!

Ta-da.

- What are you doing?

- Saving your skin.

- This is murder!

- It's not, it's ketchup.

I'm not talking about that,

I'm talking about the others.

- What others?

- The others the NWA have murdered.

- That's not true.

- It is!

Dad just said it was his special club, he...

I thought it was about

rapping people on the knuckles

- and sending them on their way.

- There are skeletons back there!

I don't know nothing about no skelingtons.

- What did you think was happening?

- Not this!

It's Frank.

He's appointed himself judge,

jury and executioner.

- He's not Judge Judy and executioner.

- He is!

- You've gotta help me take him down.

- I can't.

He's my dad. Take my car.

Go back to London.

There's nothing you can do.

I can come back.

I can come back,

and I can bring the blue fury

of the Metropolitan Police Service with me.

They'll make it disappear.

Who are they gonna believe?

My dad, or a loony London police officer.

But it won't be just me, will it?

We can do it together.

You and me. Partners.

Forget it, Nicholas. It's Sandford.

Is that everything? Sir?

Sir? Sir?

- Is there anything I can do for you?

- No.

This is something I have to do myself.

Another beautiful day in God's country.

Danny?

It's...

Mum!

What you gonna do?

Just walk in and arrest the whole village?

Not exactly.

Oh, Sergeant Angel?

Someone from London called for you.

I'll tell them you'll ring them back.

- Well, that's funny.

- What's that?

I didn't know we had a mounted division.

Nobody tells me nothing.

Wanna do something useful?

Annette, that Sergeant Angel's

back. Check out his horse.

Roger that!

- It's...

- Angel.

Morning.

That's what I'm talking about.

Still feel like you're missing out?

Fascist!

Hag!

Stop! Stop this, please!

Let us stop this mindless violence.

Nicholas, my son.

You may not be a man of God,

but surely you're a man of peace.

I may not be a man of God, Reverend,

but I know right, and I know wrong,

and I have the good grace

to know which is which.

Oh, f*** off, Grasshopper.

No!

Jesus Christ!

Nicholas! Nicholas!

I thought you was a goner.

Drop your weapons!

- Dr. Hatcher, no!

- Shut up, Danny.

I brought you into this world,

I think it's rather fitting

I should be the one to take you out of it.

You and your interfering little friend.

Now...

drop them.

- You're a doctor, deal with it.

- Yeah, motherf***er.

- Danny, let's roll.

- What you thinking?

Pub?

Roy!

Somebody call the police!

Freeze!

Officers, arrest that man.

- Danny, step away from the Sergeant.

- No, Dad.

Danny, you'll do as you're told.

I'm not taking orders from you anymore.

- Officers, arrest these men!

- Wait, wait!

You can arrest us if you like.

You can throw us in prison and go back

to being blind, submissive slaves.

Or you can be real police officers,

and help us bring an end

to this absurd story.

What the f*** is he on about?

F*** are you on about?

Have you ever wondered

why the crime rate in Sandford is so low?

- And yet the accident rate, it's so high?

- No. Yeah. What?

You've been brainwashed, Tony.

Brainwashed into naivety by an old man

with a murderous obsession.

- This is ridiculous.

- No, it's not, Dad. It's very unridiculous.

And it's only now that I'm starting to realize

how unridiculous it all is.

Silence, Danny!

- Think of your mother.

- Mum is dead, Dad.

For the first time in my life,

you know, I'm glad.

If she could see what you've become,

I think she'd probably kill herself

all over again.

Sorry, I am completely lost.

Sandford is a lie, Doris.

For the last 20 years, the village

has been controlled by Frank and the NWA.

They've lulled everyone

into thinking this is a perfect village

and killed anyone

who's threatened to change that.

I reckon he's got something there.

He says,

"He reckons you got something there."

I know.

You're not seriously gonna

believe this man, are you?

Are you? He isn't even from round here.

Maybe it's time to give it up, sir.

You incompetent flatfoots!

Officer Walker, stay here with Saxon

and hold everything down.

Fair enough.

Officers, let's go.

- What about Dad?

- He'll come round again.

Want anything from the shop?

- What you thinking?

- Well...

We should strike now,

while we've got the element of surprise.

Longer we wait,

more time they've got to mobilize.

I say we go in through the front entrance,

take the place aisle by aisle.

They won't be expecting that.

Very good. What he said.

My, my. Here come the fuzz.

- Maybe they're not here.

- Wait here.

- Don't go in on your own.

- Don't worry, he knows what he's doing.

Okay. They're in.

You deal with the store.

I'll deal with the trolley boy.

No, listen. Wait, wait, wait, Michael,

wait, listen to me. Listen, listen.

Is this what you really, really want?

Yarp.

Suit yourself.

Go, go, go.

Oh, come on.

Andy!

It's all right, Andy. It's just Bolognese!

- How's Lurch?

- He's in the freezer.

- Did you say, "Cool off"?

- No, I didn't say anything, actually.

Shame.

There was a bit earlier on that you missed

when I distracted him

with the cuddly monkey.

And then I said, "Playtime's over,"

and I hit him with the Peace Lily.

You're off the f***ing chain!

- What's the situation?

- Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery.

What do you reckon?

Idea.

Good work, everyone.

- Nice one, Doris.

- Nothing like a bit of girl on girl.

Fruit attack!

Can you handle this, Sergeant Fisher?

We're gonna go after the big boss.

We're on it, Sergeant.

- Danny, let's rock.

- Angel!

Don't go being a twat now.

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.

- We should get down there.

- How?

Skip.

- Head them off?

- F***, yeah.

- I'll drive.

- Shotgun! Punch that sh*t!

Bang! Bang!

Swan!

Swan!

Stay back! Or the ginger nut gets it!

You little f***er!

Get out of my village!

It's not your village anymore.

- You did good, kid.

- Ta.

- What's your name?

- Aaron A. Aaronson.

Sorry?

Angel!

It's over, Danny.

It's over.

This really hurts.

I'm going to need some ice-cream.

Yeah, well, don't worry.

There's plenty of ice-cream at the station.

Isn't that right, Danny?

Stay back!

- Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!

- Now, now.

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