Hot Fuzz Page #8

belonging to Leslie, that I intend to turn it

into a memorial garden, in her honor.

Mr. Skinner, what you do with your land

is of no concern of mine,

so jog on.

Michael, will you escort the Sergeant

off the premises when he's quite finished?

Yarp.

I just can't believe Leslie's dead.

How did it happen?

She tripped and fell on her own shears.

Hey, that weren't me.

Hey, look.

Look, Mr. Treacher's

got his big coat on again.

- You want anything from the shop?

- Cornetto.

- No luck catching them killers, then?

- It's just the one killer, actually.

- No luck catching them killers, then?

- It's just the one killer, actually.

- No luck catching them killers, then?

- It's just the one killer, actually.

- No luck catching them killers, then?

- It's just the one killer, actually.

- What's the matter? You got brain-freeze?

- No, I got brainwave.

Get us back to the station, now!

- It's more than one person.

- Come again?

- It's more than one killer.

- It was Skinner a minute ago.

Yeah, well, maybe it still is.

You know, maybe he's... Maybe he's

not alone. Maybe there are others.

Nicholas, you're an exceptional officer.

But I've seen this before.

- Sir?

- Sergeant Popwell.

It was exactly the same thing.

You've come from a city

where there's danger round every corner,

and it's driven you round the bend.

Yes, sir.

Do yourself a favor. Sleep on it.

And if you still feel the same in the morning,

I give you my word, I'll get right on to it.

Hey. Hey, what's happening?

What's going on?

Nothing, nothing.

I'm just gonna go back to the hotel.

- I mean, do you want a lift?

- No, no, I could do with a walk.

Hey, big one, playtime's over.

Michael?

Michael? Are you there?

Michael? Is everything okay?

Yarp.

Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?

Yarp.

He's not gonna get back up again?

Narp!

Good. Proceed to the castle.

Frank, this sh*t just got real.

Skinner just sent someone to kill me,

and, now, now he's gone somewhere.

Up to the... To the castle, I think.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go after him.

Okay? It's Nicholas, by the way.

Oh, my God.

What happened to your Peace Lily?

Danny. Danny, just stay here, okay?

And watch him, and call your dad.

- Tell him I was right.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna bust this thing wide open.

- Nicholas, wait.

- You might need this.

- Thanks, partner.

How could I possibly be

in several places at once?

How could I possibly be

in several places at once?

How could I possibly be

in several places at once?

I just can't believe Leslie's dead.

How did it happen?

You'll find that we run

a very tight ship here.

Who could do something like this?

Seems like Mr. Merchant tried

to have a little fry up and left the gas on.

Nasty way to go.

What happened, Danny?

No luck catching them killers, then?

No luck catching them killers, then?

No luck catching them...

Now, quick announcement before we begin.

Janet Barker has decided

to call her boys Roger and Martin.

And the christening will be

a week on Saturday and we're all invited.

- Tom.

- Thanks, Joyce.

Now, you'll all be delighted to hear

that the tenacious Sergeant Angel

has been taken care of.

Joyce will discover the Sergeant lying

on the wet floor of his bathroom,

having slipped

and tragically broken his neck.

So, with the dispatch of the Sergeant,

we will now be able to concentrate

on the eradication of our hoodie infestation.

Quite right.

After which, nothing will stand in our way.

Oh, I beg to differ, Mr. Weaver.

Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.

Sergeant Nicholas Angel.

Sandford Police Service.

My, he is tenacious, isn't he?

I'm arresting you under suspicion

of conspiracy to commit murder.

Oh, come, come, Sergeant.

You should be ashamed.

- Calling yourself a community that cares.

- Oh, but we do care, Nicholas.

It's all about the greater good.

The greater good.

How can this be for the greater good?

The greater good.

You see, as much as I enjoyed

your wild theories, Sergeant,

the truth is far less complex.

Blower's fate was simply the result

of his being an appalling actor.

Quite appalling.

You murdered him for that?

- Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare.

- What?

The Dramatic Society

is an important feather in our cap.

Couldn't let

Blower jeopardize that.

Not when we had two semi-professionals

waiting in the wings.

Let's not forget that Greg

was an extra in Straw Dogs.

And Sheree played a cadaver

in Prime Suspect.

Yes, I know!

Martin was less concerned

with the reputation of the village

than he was with his sordid affair

with Eve Draper.

And so Eve deserved to die too?

Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.

Annoying.

- And, and George Merchant?

- He had an awful house.

Awful.

We begged him in vain

to make his residence

more in keeping

with the village's rustic esthetic.

And what about Tim Messenger?

What was his crime?

Tim Messenger's tenure as editor of

the Sandford Citizen has been unbearable.

Our once great paper had

become riddled with tabloid journalism.

Not to mention persistent errors.

- He listed her age as 55.

- When, actually, I'm 53.

Fifty-three.

What, what about Leslie Tiller?

One of your own?

Her horticultural expertise helped

put Sandford on the map.

Oh, she was ever so good.

Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame.

But it seemed she was set on moving away.

We couldn't have her sharing

her green fingers with anybody else.

Not least those heathens at Buford Abbey.

If we can't have her, no one can.

How can this be for the greater good?

- The greater good.

- Shut it!

These people died for no reason.

No reason whatsoever!

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Hello, Nicholas.

I was like you once.

I believed in the immutable word of the law.

That is until the night Mrs. Butterman

was taken from me.

You see,

no one loved Sandford more than her.

She was head of the Women's Institute,

chair of the floral committee.

When they started

the Village of the Year contest,

she worked round the clock.

I've never seen such dedication.

On the eve of the adjudicator's arrival,

some travelers moved into Callahan Park.

Before you could say, "Gypsy scum,"

we were knee-deep in dog muck,

thieving kids and crusty jugglers.

Crusty jugglers.

We lost the title and Irene lost her mind.

She drove her Datsun Cherry

into Sandford Gorge.

From that moment on,

I swore that I would do her proud.

And whatever the cost,

we would make Sandford great again.

Sir, this doesn't make any sense.

The adjudicators arrive tomorrow.

We had to get everything ready.

Are you saying this is all about

winning the Best Village Award?

This is the best village, Nicholas.

You've seen the people.

- They're happy, contented.

- They're living in a dream world.

Sergeant Popwell

thought much the same as you.

I'm disappointed

you can't see the bigger picture.

Well, I'm happy to disappoint you, sir.

And I'm afraid

you're gonna have to come with me.

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