Hot Property

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Hello, you've reached

Melody's phone.

Don't bother leaving a message

because I probably

won't listen to it.

You have 112 new messages.

Melody, it's Tommy,

you know, your landlord.

I know that times are hard,

but you need to pay that rent.

Melody, it's 12.30.

I've sent you another message

about your expenses!

Hi Melody, this is candy

from RVS r us,

and we've got your RV

all ready for burning man.

Melody, it's Sam.

Don't forget dinner tonight.

I'm sure you're looking

forward to it as much as I am.

Can you just tell your teenager

not to make things too weird.

Ta.

London is going through

the greatest property boom

in history,

and I'm missing it

because of you.

Tommy is pretty pissed off

about the rent, Mel.

He said if you don't pay it

he's gonna come back

to London on air miles

and garrote you

with dental floss.

I'm not sure

that's even possible,

but if he's willing

to use up his air miles

he must be really f***ed off.

Melody, it's David Klein here.

I would very much like

to meet you for lunch.

Shall we say the at two o'clock?

You must think

I'm such an idiot.

I don't understand any of that.

I wouldn't say you're an idiot.

Oh. Well, maybe it's just

too much champagne.

It's really very simple.

Our new product is a medicine

based around a chemical

compound called Vincyclidine.

Going to make us pots of money.

- Excuse me, miss Munro?

- Yes?

A telephone call for you

at the bar.

Oh, how old school.

I'm so sorry,

will you excuse me?

- I'll be right here.

- Okay.

Don't go anywhere.

Melody Munro.

5,000 on a Winnebago rental?

Perhaps you could tell me

how your work demands

any need

for a luxury motor-home?

Excuse me, sorry.

What desserts do you recommend?

The Souffl's very popular,

but, personally, I recommend

the pear tart.

Hm. We'll have two of those.

Oh, and the bill.

My guest will be leaving soon.

Alan, Alan, stop talking.

I've just sent you the

recording of our conversation

and my write-up.

I'll be back in three weeks

after my holiday.

No, you will not, you will

be in my office in...

How the hell did she...

F***in' badass, tell you that.

Thank you, Barry.

I'm so sorry about that.

So, what do you say

we get these to go?

I know a very good

and very discreet hotel

'round the corner.

Oh, David,

that sounds wonderful,

but I've got things to do.

Sorry.

Come on, sack that off!

I'm not buying you lunch so you can

go back to emails and photocopying.

Yeah, I don't really do

photocopying in my work, David.

'Course, I'm sorry.

I'm sure your role

is very important.

Yeah.

I work

in competitive intelligence.

You're a corporate spy?

Oh, actually we're trying

to get away

from the whole spy thing.

But what I've just told you,

it's commercially sensitive!

It's-it's completely secret!

Sensitive, yes.

Secret, not so much anymore.

Oh, wow,

this has been

an expensive lunch!

You whore!

No, David...

that's what you thought I was.

I am f***ing you,

just not how you imagined.

So there's 100 pills,

your two ounces of Charlie,

two bottles of liquid Ketamine,

and my own special mish-mash,

2ci, 2cb, m-cat

and a couple of others

that haven't come out yet.

Will that do you?

- Alan?

- I've found another one!

2,347 on flowers, in may!

People like flowers, Alan.

If you like my flat so much,

maybe you could find it

in your barren heart

to pay me some f***ing rent.

Listen, I've done more

for this flat

than you've ever done.

That's probably true, but...

I also own it so...

unless we enter a state

of pure utopian Marxism

in the next 24 hours...

you pay me some rent,

or you get the f*** out.

Goodbye.

He doesn't mean it.

It's amazing!

You've got me.

But we've got to do this

in order to do that,

so that's what we're doing.

Yeah, it's important.

You're basically going to inflict

a religion on your child

because you want to put them

in a particular kind of school?

Yes, you've absolutely

hit the nail on the head.

That's exactly

why we're doing it.

Oh!

What did he say?

You can only eat the third one.

Third rice, third Reich.

- Conceptual.

- Mmh.

Please.

Try this for us.

Oh...

Sh*t the bed. Is it...

Is it meant to taste like that?

It's, um... it's political.

Wow. I mean, that's exactly

what this christening needs.

No, no, no, no,

what this christening needs

is mini Shepherd's pies

from a reputable caterer,

that's what

this christening needs.

- Samuel...

- I'm just saying...

just remember why we'e here.

Yes.

Dear sister,

we have come to ask you...

to be Auden's godmother.

Um...

Is there a polite way

for me to say no?

No.

And renounce Satan, yes,

that is what I will be doing.

Wow.

Mum and dad would be so proud.

Oh, everyone thinks god

is bullshit, Melody.

You just have to believe in a

good education for our child!

Sam?

Sam?

Well, look, I'm gonna be on a low

serotonin comedown from burning man,

and I really don't need

to be having flashbacks...

in a church.

Who on earth is Bernard Mann?

So you're taking your teenager

to the Californian desert

for two weeks

so he can giveaway hot dogs

to people on drugs?

He's 20, it's three weeks,

and they're burgers.

And why do they get burgers

while I'm meant to serve

fascist uncle Ben's

at my firstborn's christening?

They're placenta burgers

cooked by the power of the sun.

Of course, they are.

Guten appetite.

It's... anti-Semitic pastry.

Yeah. It's a swastika...

but it's art, you know,

it's conceptual.

It's got sprinkles on it.

Oh, sprinkles or hundreds

and thousands

representing the hundreds

and thousands who died.

Millions of people died,

Saskia, in the war.

Millions... thousands...

Tom-may-to, to-mah-to.

Keep drinking.

Babe...

Babe... babe!

Babe!

Babe, we're going

to burning man!

We're going to burning man!

Oh, well, what time is it?

11:
30. Look! I made breakfast.

Mmh.

Oh, um, by the way,

I tried to buy

an industrial magnifying glass

with your card,

but it got declined.

- What card?

- The one you said.

With the horse on it.

F***ing Alan day.

He's such a f***...

What are you f***ing up to?

He's onto you! Get out!

Barry?

You can't try and sack me.

Try and sack you?

I'll take you to tribunal.

I've been in this game a lot

longer than you, Melody.

I've seen the cry-on-demand

trick before!

My parents died three years ago

the day before Christmas.

My boyfriend is a 20-year-old

f***ing concept chef.

If you let me fall

there is no one to catch me.

I want the mobile, the day pass,

and the range rover keys, now.

I have been a customer

at this bank

since I was seven years old.

No.

No, I understand that, but...

Will you please, please

just extend my overdraft?

So I just don't understand

how it can take a week

to do a background check.

No, I'm not going to a f***ing

pay day loans company!

So, I'll just be two minutes

and I'll get some cash.

No problem. Okay.

We don't need money, babe.

There is no money

at burning man.

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