Hot Pursuit Page #5

are still on the lam. Police are...

I never promised you a rose garden

Along with the sunshine

There's gotta be a little rain sometimes

Hey. I was named after that song.

So your name is "Bad Song"?

That's just rude.

You know what is your problem?

Here we go.

I have a tendency to be hyper-focused...

...so it's difficult to relate to people...

- ...when there's a task at hand.

- Exactly. That there is your problem.

- I am boring!"

- Please do not make fun of me.

I'm right and you're wrong."

- It relaxes me to do my numbers.

- Obviously doesn't work...

...that's why you don't have a ring.

- You do not know anything about me.

- I have kissed you.

I have seen your underwear.

I know everything I need to know.

It's none of your business, but I happen

to have had a date the other night.

- Really?

- Yes, I did.

How did it go?

Well, it went the way that things go

when a man goes out with a woman...

...and they have attraction

towards each other.

I don't know why I'd want advice

from you, anyway.

Did you...?

- What?

- Heh, heh.

- Does that mean what I think?

- Did you play with his chicken and eggs?

My God. I can't.

Ha-ha-ha. Did you give him a pirate key?

What is a pirate key?

I don't even know what that is.

That's horrifying.

Well, it depends on who the pirate is.

It didn't work out on the date.

It never does.

I have a tendency to attract men

who run away from me.

Don't really know why.

- What was that?

- I don't know!

What is that?

God. It's a person.

- Help me get him out.

- It's a hot man-person.

Is he dead? He smells dead.

No, I think he's just drunk.

What, it's police procedure

to touch all his man parts?

He has an ankle monitor.

That means they can track us.

We're gonna have to cut it off.

No. I have a better idea.

I'm going to cut his foot off.

How's that a better idea?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the hell are you doing? Aah.

- Nothing. We're doing nothing.

- We're just gonna cut your foot off.

- What?

- Relax.

I know what I did wrong

with my cousin, Eugenio.

Okay, he did bleed to

death two days later...

...but, listen, he did it on his own terms:

With a drink in his hand and as a free man.

- Let's do it.

- No. Ain't nobody cutting nobody's foot off.

Now, you just settle down and tell me:

Where the hell am I

and who the hell are you?

I am a police officer. She's a federal

witness in my protective custody.

I know she looks

like she can't protect nothing...

...because she looks like My Little Pony...

- ...but it's true.

- Shh.

Who are you? What are you doing?

I'm Randy.

And you stole my truck.

Hold on.

I know who you are.

I saw you on TV.

Yeah. You all are wanted.

- I have to use the rock!

- Hold on!

- That stuff they're saying on TV isn't true.

- Okay.

- We just have to get to Dallas and sort it out.

- Good.

- "Sort it out"?

- Yes.

You're gonna get your job back?

And I am going to get dead!

- You're not gonna get dead.

- They're waiting for us!

- The U.S. government will protect you.

- She wants me to go and testify!

- She never stops talking.

- But to do that, you have to have a head!

She is not wrong. If we get there too

early, we will be sitting ducks.

So we need a couple hours to lay low.

Now, can you help us with that?

Yeah, I can, but you gotta stop pointing

that thing at me.

Thank you.

What?

The Indian casino.

Under tribal law,

police ain't got jurisdiction.

You know this. I could drive you.

I could get you a room.

I know people there.

- I bet you do.

- She's always this judgmental.

He's a criminal.

You kidnapped me. You broke my parole.

What you gonna do, just leave me out here?

Yeah, why not?

They're looking for two ladies, right?

Well, this is three people.

So why don't you let me drive

and you can get in the back.

Look, I can help you. Just let me.

- Why should I trust you?

- Because I know what it feels like...

...when no one

wants to hear your side of the story.

Plus, you know...

...I kind of like your smile.

I'm not smiling.

Well, then, I got something

to look forward to.

You have a bottle opener?

Now we're talking.

Cut it out.

Used correctly, bottle openers

can jack tires and pick door locks.

And then you throw it in the river, and...

- Done.

- She has the worst arms ever.

- So skinny.

- Dang it!

Like I said, "Throw it in the river!

And...

Done." Let's go.

- Evening.

- Sir.

A female suspect and hostage are in the

area. You seen anything suspicious?

- Sir, I ain't seen anything.

- You sure? We think they're nearby.

Real sure.

All right.

Be on the lookout for two

female fugitives last seen heading north.

Come on. Keep it moving.

Let me see your ID.

Move forward to the double cones.

You're kidding me, you lit a kid on fire?

No. I lit the mayor's kid on fire.

- It's not funny.

- Are you kidding me? It's super funny.

Okay.

I guess it is a little bit funny.

And I wouldn't care so much,

but my father was a very respected man.

And I turned his name into a joke.

He died a few years ago.

In the line of duty.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I will say a prayer for him.

Thank you.

Just that all I ever...

- Right now?

- Shh.

All I ever wanted was...

Amen.

Go on.

I was just saying,

all I ever wanted was to be just like him.

So that's why you always

act like a little man.

You're pretending to be someone

that you're not.

You have to be who you are. Own it.

But I have to be tough to be a cop.

I gotta get my name back.

You can't wait for them to give it to you.

You have to take it.

I'm just saying that I wouldn't let the

fact that you have a little cuca...

...get in the way of your dream!

Checkpoint. You better

figure something out.

- We have to get through. We gotta hide.

- Let's hide underneath this blanket.

- This is a deer skin!

- Calm down. He's probably a hunter.

- Let's go.

- Move forward to the double cones.

Looking for two female fugitives.

I'm gonna check the back.

Go ahead.

Move along.

It smells in here.

It does not smell.

It is not a real deer. It's a decoy.

Okay, this probably wasn't my best idea.

We need to make some deer noises.

What is a deer noise?

Deer noises, like,

you know, like the dogs says:

Shh. Be quiet! What does a deer say?

That is not what a deer says.

If it says anything, it sounds like this:

Are you kidding me? It's not a horse.

It is from the horse family.

Just make the noise.

Hey, I think I hear something over here.

Keep doing the sounds.

My God. I think it's working!

I can't believe I'm saying this.

I'm actually having fun with you.

- You are?

- No, of course not.

I'm underneath a deer

and with my head up your ass.

Shut up. We gotta go find Randy.

That bellhop looked at me funny.

Y'all all right?

I'm gonna go get cleaned up.

Okay.

We have to keep a low profile.

You can rest for a bit...

...but we have to leave by sunrise...

- ...to get you to the courthouse.

- I know, by 8:
00 a.m.

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