Hot Rod Page #6

What is destiny?

What is fate?

I dedicate this jump to fathers

and father figures everywhere.

I hope that in some small way

all of their sons manage to jump them.

Frank, I'm gonna get you better,

you old sack of sh*t.

And then I am gonna uncork the

ass-beating of a lifetime on you!

And you will respect me!

Peace!

Kimble clearly has a few issues

with his stepfather there.

But who doesn't? I know I do.

You got this, man!

Just remember.

Drive really, really, really fast, okay?

And hold on tight! You'll be fine!

I'm so nervous for you!

And everybody here is!

We're nervous for you!

I was just in the bathroom,

and everybody's talking about

how crazy this is.

- Okay.

- Don't worry about it.

You're gonna do great!

Now go kick those buses' ass!

You good?

Do you like stunts?

What about terminally ill stepfathers?

Well, if you answered yes to one

or both of those questions,

you couldn't have picked a better day

to stumble upon KNER radio.

Hey, Rod!

Denise. You came.

Of course.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

- Denise, I don't know what I'm doing.

- What?

I mean, this jump is huge. I could die.

You're the bravest guy I know, Rod.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

Believe in this.

Oh, wait.

What? You don't...

No, I do. I do. I just...

- Your mouth was all open.

- Oh, God.

It was just like...

Anyways.

Oh, whoa, wait, what?

Why is Rod kissing his sister, man?

Denise isn't his sister.

- She's not?

- No.

Man, that shatters my entire universe.

I'm not saying

that kiss was hot, listeners,

but if the boner police are here,

I demand a lawyer!

- Good luck, Rod.

- Thanks.

All right, swing man. Back in business.

Hey, how are you?

Kimble's preparing

for his final approach.

Ascending the multiple ramp levels

to the tippy-top.

Why'd the numbers stop?

I guess people wanna see

what happens.

Souls of the animal kingdom.

Eagle, fox, bottlenose dolphin,

octopus, house cat.

Okay.

Let's jump this jump.

Come on, Rod!

Here he goes.

He's driving the bikey-thing

with his hands and legs.

This needs to be seen to be believed!

Three, two, one, liftoff!

Oh, he's like a broken doll.

Oh, this does not look good.

Rod's crew is running to his side.

I, for one, hope none of them had a fight

with Rod this morning,

because he is more than likely dead.

- Rod.

- Oh, no.

- Rod, are you okay? Can you hear me?

- Step aside, please.

Rod, stay away from the light, man.

Don't go towards that light.

Rod?

Oh, God, he's probably having

some sort of profound,

out-of-body experience.

Hi.

Oh, yes. Yes.

Yes.

- I'm not getting any vitals.

- Oh, Rod.

Rod?

Finish him! Finish him!

Yes, taco!

Rod? Rod?

Denise?

Hoobastank.

He's alive.

Denise. You were right.

The taco won.

Okay, Rod. Okay.

Time to get up.

- No, no, Rod, don't move. Don't move.

- You could have internal injuries.

Sorry, guys. I'm walking out of here.

No, no, no. No, no, no, Rod.

Wait a minute.

It appears Kimble is awake,

and he's trying to stand up.

Seriously, you're probably

hurt pretty bad.

I'd say definitely, Kevin.

I'd wager 10 to 20 broken bones,

minimum.

But life is pain

and we've got to scrape the joy out of it

every chance we get.

- Excuse me.

- Okay.

Rod.

Rod! Rod! Rod!

The crowd is cheering Kimble

back to life.

Rod! Rod! Rod!

Rod! Rod! Rod!

And the phones are ringing off the hook!

Rod. Rod, look. Look.

We did it!

They've done it!

They've raised $50,000

for Frank's conveniently-priced surgery.

Rod, Rod! Over here!

We did it, Richardson!

Rod knows my name.

Rod knows my name.

Rod knows my name!

People are screaming

and jumping up and down.

The fairgrounds are literally shaking!

A cooked goose for everyone!

It's Ebenezer Scrooge!

Yes, a cooked goose.

Dave.

- Rod, do you really need to do this?

- Yes.

Come on, Rod. The doctor said

his heart's even stronger than before.

You're not gonna win.

Kevin, it's not up for discussion.

Gods of war!

May your hammer be mighty

Here I am, Frank.

Get ready to meet your maker. Oh, God!

We hadn't even started yet!

Never underestimate your opponent.

What's up now, Frank?

I'm doing this because I love you!

- Never underestimate your opponent.

- Well, well, well.

Finally, a fight I might actually...

- Got you.

- What the hell? Is that a throwing star?

Oh, hell, yeah, Roddy! Kick his ass!

Come on, old man! Come on!

Old man, young heart!

Good Lord!

Oh, sh*t. No mercy.

Guys, come on, come on. That's rented.

Jesus Christ.

He just rocked him with a brick!

Oh!

Here we go.

- Should we stop them?

- Oh, no, they're fine.

- Oh, no.

- Say it, Frank!

- Say I'm a man.

- Never.

- Say it!

- You're a man.

Say it again!

You're a man, son.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Yeah!

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