Hot Shots! Page #2

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I love soup. I mean, I think I love soup.

Son-of-a-bitchin' shell. It's either

soup or duck. Which one do you shoot?

Duck, sir.

- Are you all right, sir?

- Of course I'm all right.

Why? What have you heard?

Nothing, sir.

Send some soup up for the admiral,

on the double.

Let's go over this Slippery Weevil

one more time.

I wanna familiarise myself with it as much

as I possibly can. So, give it to me, Ben.

Every word. Every detail.

Dot every comma.

Those are some long legs.

I just had them lengthened.

Now they go all the way up.

Wow.

It's nice to see you again. I was really

impressed, the way you handled that stallion.

When I saw you dig your heels into his sides,

tighten the reins and break his spirit,

I never wanted to be a horse

so much in my life.

After I finish off this shrink,

we can take a quick canter in the meadow.

Lieutenant, I am the shrink.

- You're the psychiatrist?

- That's what the diploma says.

I've never been to a psychiatrist before.

You will be gentle?

I've been ordered to review your records.

You were discharged from the service

18 months ago for wilfull insubordination.

You disobeyed a direct order

and lost a $13m fighter in the process.

Yes, I did. But I'm payin' it off

at ten bucks a week.

I should have gotten

that extra collision coverage.

Wasn't your father involved

in a similar incident?

- What do you mean?

- Leland "Buzz" Harley.

Three Purple Hearts,

presidential commendation.

Then this incident -

the Dominic Farnham death.

1971, his Visa card was cancelled.

1975, a broken man, suffocated while working

the night shift in a Photomat booth.

Tell me how these events affected you.

Well, I don't think about it much.

That was a long time ago. Now if you'll

excuse me, I have some guns to grease.

Lieutenant,

have you thought about

seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis?

I thought you'd never ask.

I mean professionally.

Thanks, Doctor.

Thanks for the advice.

- Be careful out there.

- I can take care of myself.

- No. You're going to get hurt.

- I don't need your help, or anybody's.

I'll be just fine.

Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Attention on deck.

At ease, men.

Be seated.

Many of you are wondering about my pants.

Well, they ran short of material at the knees.

So don't give me any sh*t.

Now, I look out there

at all of you guys and I say to myself:

What I wouldn't give

to be 20 years younger,

and a woman.

You know, I've flown over 194 missions,

and I was shot down on every one.

Come to think of it, I've never

landed a plane in my life. Now,

you men'll be piloting the backbone

of our proud American arsenal:

The Oscar EW 5894 Phallus

tactical fighter bomber.

Its lightweight swept wing design

makes it extremely maneuverable and agile.

Beneath its 21st-century skin is a highly

advanced avionics and weapons package.

Designed for speed and combat acrobatics,

it features the latest Mrs Halver

series 3800 radar-jamming Framus.

- Admiral.

- Nurse.

Sleepy Weasel's success depends on our

ability to manoeuvre below enemy radar.

I wanna see a major display of low-level

flying. Topper, Kent, you're up first.

- Show me what you can do.

- Copy that, Purple Fluffer Nutter.

Roger that, Milli Vanilli Chilly Willy.

Bring 'em down, boys. I want your bellies to

scrape the sagebrush. Let's see who's best.

I'm heading for the canyon floor.

- For your information, I'm at 150 feet.

- I'm at 3rd and Main.

Very pretty, but enough hot-dogging, Harley.

Just checkin' the traffic.

- How'd I do, big fella?

- Don't get me started, Harley.

Cut the chatter. Topper,

that was vintage Buzz Harley.

You and your dad are two of a kind.

Your ego's writin' cheques

your body can't cash.

Topper! Get back in formation.

Topper, you weren't clear to detach.

- What was that all about?

- I... thought I saw Elvis.

Let it go, Topper.

The King is gone. Let's head for home.

Not again.

I need a landing clearance

for runway 30... 30 something.

30 thirty something's been cancelled.

Go to runway 2-niner.

Wash Out, what the hell

are you doin'? Pull it up.

Wash Out, where the hell are you?

What is your location? You're off of radar.

Repeat:
What is your location?

- Goin' up?

- Yes.

Can I press your button?

No, you've been slavin' over hot psychotics

all day. Let me get that.

- Interesting perfume.

- It's Vicks. I have a cold.

Lieutenant, you're staring.

No, not really. I'm lost in your eyes.

That is the whitest white part of the eye

I've ever seen. Do you floss?

You're very confident, aren't you?

When you have 10,000 pounds of thrust

at your command, you have to be.

Lieutenant, please.

I'm talking to you as a psychiatrist.

I'm recommending that you be grounded.

- You've got to be joking.

- If I were joking, I'd have said:

"What do you do with an elephant

with three balls?"

"You walk him and pitch to the rhino."

- You are serious.

- It's the best thing for you, and the mission.

The best would be

if you'd stop tryin' to run my life.

I'm a pilot, and nobody's gonna

keep me out of the sky.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Twelve rounds of boxing

for the WBA WBC WPA RSVP

Heavyweight Championship of the World!

Introducing celebrities at ringside,

please welcome His Holiness,

the very popular pontiff,

Pope John Paul II!

Second!

Lieutenant Commander Block.

We meet at last.

- Isn't this place a little public?

- No, a crowd offers remarkable anonymity.

How are we doing at Dudley?

Oh, we're right on schedule.

Can't quite get a reading on Admiral Benson,

but Topper Harley's playing into our hands.

Here's his evaluation. A clear-cut case

of Paternal Conflict Syndrome.

Ah, yes. PCS.

I saw an After school Special on that.

They're years away from a vaccine.

Every time I mention Buzz's name,

Topper goes off.

There's no way the unit will function,

and I'll abort the mission.

The Navy's planes will seem inferior and

the president will beg for my super fighter.

And, best of all, nobody gets hurt.

Well done, Lieutenant Commander.

America can't afford to fall behind,

Mr. Wilson. We need your plane.

This should be a good match.

Both men work for Don King.

Well, fans, that's it.

Good night. I'm outta here!

The Strafing Run proudly presents

the music of Lawrence Lipps!

And now...

" What the world needs...

Thank you!

" Is love...

Thank you so much!

" That's the only thing

that there's just too darn little of

Ramada?

- Kent!

- Ramada!

Qu'est-ce que je suis contente de te revoir!

My eyes!

Darling, I thought you were still in Brussels.

Oh, Kent. We were only hurting each other.

I thought that's the way you wanted it.

Something's changed. It's not another

woman, is it? I couldn't compete with that.

No, of course you couldn't.

Well, what matters is that you're here.

We've a lot of catching up to do.

Wonderful. Just let me

take care of something.

- Don't be long, mon amour.

- Absolument.

Wow!

Anybody here from out of town?

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