Hot Shots! Page #3

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Welcome. Nice to see you.

- Ramada...

- Oh, no.

Well, if it isn't God's gift to the cockpit.

- Kent, your nostrils are flaring.

- That flying stunt today was pure madness.

If a lady wasn't present,

I'd tear you apart like a Christmas goose.

Yeah? Keep it up, you'll be carrying

your face home in a doggy bag.

What is this macho thing?

- He started it.

- Did not.

- Did too.

- Did not.

- You're behaving like children.

- He's being a jerk.

- Am not.

- Are too.

- Am not.

- Are too too too...

- Not not not...

- too too too...

Are too times ten.

- That's it.

- Stop it.

- Rumble!

- Don't push me.

Stop it! Can't you act

like civilised human beings?

- Hey, I'm sorry.

- I love you, pal.

Listen. Kent and I have to talk, so please...

Be my guest.

Let's celebrate, honey.

Hey, everybody. Drinks are on me.

- Free beer!

- I want a gin sling!

You haven't forgotten my offer, have you?

Little house in the country,

white picket fence, Stairmaster.

Kent, you're everything

a woman could possibly want.

But I'm just not ready for marriage. Not yet.

Well, I have to get back to the base.

Tomorrow's an important flight.

You know how puffy my eyes get

when I don't get enough rest.

Good night.

May I?

- Shouldn't you be getting back to the base?

- I suppose,

if I played life by the rules,

but you know I don't.

All right. You can walk me to my apartment.

I shouldn't have gotten mad

in the elevator today.

But when I want something that bad,

I get all fired up.

Maybe that's why I worry so.

Maybe more than I should.

Something terrible could happen. You must...

- But I...

- Don't worry.

Everything will be fine. I promise.

Boy, I hope so.

Well, this is it.

- It's a nice place.

- It's OK.

The only problem is I have a nosy landlady.

Well, I guess this is good night.

I don't wanna go back.

You don't have to.

I don't want to be alone.

And, by the way,

I can go all night like a lumberjack.

What about your landlady?

You can do her, too.

So, I take it you've been with a man before.

I'm a virgin.

I'm just not very good at it.

Yes. Oh, yes!

Topper!

Wash Out!

Get into your flight suit.

We're ready to go up.

I got kicked out. My flight status

has been withdrawn. I'm through, Dead Meat.

- What happened?

- It's my eyes. I've got walleye vision.

- Can't something be done?

- A delicate corneal inversion procedure.

A multi-opti-pupil-optomy.

But, to keep from damaging the eye sockets,

they've gotta go in through the rectum.

Ain't no man gonna take that route with me.

Is Topper around? I'd like to say goodbye.

He didn't come back last night. He's AWOL.

As soon as Block finds out, he's history.

But flying's his life. He's the best pilot in the

world. We need him as much as he needs us.

I can't find my lucky gum. Do you have...

Wash Out?

Oh, my God. I missed my flight.

You're amazing.

Dead Meat!

Mary!

- Come to watch me fly?

- No. There was a meltdown at the plant.

- They gave me afternoon off.

- Terrific!

Oh! Good news. We just closed escrow

on our little dream house.

- Wonderful! When do we move in?

- Tuesday.

The kids are stripping

the asbestos off the pipes now.

That's great! Things couldn't be better for us.

I'm so blessed.

Oh! Your life insurance forms

came for you to sign.

Oh, my mirror!

- I'll get another pen.

- No need. I'll sign it when I get back.

Well, you know best.

Honey, you know that global-warming

problem? I know how we can reverse it.

- Tell me.

- No, not now, lovey-bumpers.

There'll be plenty of time for that later.

And my investigation

into JFK's assassination?

You found the evidence you wanted?

Yes. It's right here in my pocket. It's big,

honey. It goes all the way to the White House.

- Do you want me to hold it for you?

- Nah. It'll be safe right here.

I'm in a jet. What could go wrong?

Oh, Dead Meat. We just couldn't be

any more perfectly happy.

Where the hell is Topper?

Thanks for joinin' the party!

Hey, Topper! You seen any of my lucky gum?

No.

Freedom Squadron, start your engines.

God, that's loud. My ear canals

are very sensitive. Stainless steel.

Took a bullet in Corregidor.

Passed straight through. Look at this.

We have these to hold down the sound, sir.

Oh, good. Thanks.

Let's hope they do the trick.

Give me the mike, boy.

For the love of God, man, be careful.

Ever since Normandy, this is Corning Ware.

Those of you who excel

during these aerial combat exercises

will go on to make up

the greatest fighting unit ever assembled.

- Topper, keep that nose up!

- He's never done that before.

Red team leader, break off.

Prepare to engage.

Roger that.

- Blue leader, prepare for action.

- Roger that.

I'm minus six. Movin' in.

I've got tone. Got him!

Dead Meat, confirm kill.

- Mrs. Thompson?

- Yes.

- I'm Topper Harley.

- Oh! Dead Meat's talked about you!

Oh, he thinks the world of you.

But shouldn't you be up there

flying with the squad?

I've got a lock. I'm closing in.

He's spotted me. He's a slippery devil.

Topper! Watch your right side! Damn!

I'm bailin' out!

Wash Out? What are you doin' here?

There's no time to go into it.

Do me a favour-don't land.

- Get outta here! We're gonna crash!

- I can't! I'm stuck!

Then I must help you, my friend!

Think well of me!

Thank you!

- Don't. Don't look.

- Oh, no!

Whoa!

Oh, man!

Wendy, I can fly!

- Hey, Topper.

- Easy, buddy.

- The darnedest thing just happened.

- Hang on, buddy.

Topper?

Swing him around this way.

Let's go. One, two.

Let's move it. Come on.

- Come on.

- Enough!

Hello!

Relax, buddy. We'll have you

in the hospital in no time.

Good morning! Excuse me!

Wait, guys! Wait!

Let's go, let's go.

Easy. Easy, easy, easy.

- Let's move.

- What a ride!

- Wash Out. You made it.

- Why, thank you, Andr.

I'll have the veal piccata.

- Oh. Get the cardio read-out.

- Where is it?

- It's...

- Hey, fellas.

- Inside there on the left.

- I can't find it!

- Doctor!

- What happened?

Plane crash.

- We gotta work fast. I got a lunch.

- You're missing the big picture, Doc.

Nurse, check his penis isn't longer than mine.

- No, Doctor.

- Good. Now this is gonna hurt.

Nurse, give me 15cc of morphine, quickly.

- Can you save him?

- Can't be sure. I'm not a good doctor.

Thank you, Nurse. Wait here.

- You gonna be all right, buddy?

- I'm in a hospital. What could go wrong?

Mrs. Thompson, I know you must hate me

but there's something I want you to have.

I've been puttin' a little away

for the past ten years.

It's not much. 2500. I wish I could do more.

Why, Topper.

That's so sweet.

Why, with the three million

I won on this Lucky Lotto ticket,

I can take this 2500

and just blow it all on hats.

Right, and halt!

Pete "Dead Meat" Thompson is dead.

So is Mo Green,

Tataglia, Barzini,

the heads of all the five families.

It is at moments like these,

my dear friends, that we must ask ourselves:

"How can this not be part

of some larger plan?"

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