Hot Tub Time Machine

Turn it up!

Turn up the radio

I need the music

Give me some more

Come on, Boots,

you have three minutes left.

You can do this.

You came to me, remember?

It's not about losing weight.

It's about a lifestyle change.

Nick, you have a customer.

Like we practiced.

Right away, Terry.

'Sup, dawg?

Oh. Ha! Funny.

- It's the name of the store.

- What can I do for you, man?

Bono has been doing this for three days.

It's f***ing disgusting.

- Bring him up here.

- Bono, Bono, come.

- Bono, up!

- Don't yell at him like that.

Okay. Okay. Cool. You're gonna...

I might just look...

Do I know you?

I know you.

You're the singer from Chocolate Lipstick.

You guys used to play

at the Jam Shack on Friday nights.

- Damn! You remember that?

- You were so good. Yeah.

Oh, my God, you still singing?

Nah. That was a long time ago.

Wow! What are you doing now?

You get sh*t out of dogs' asses.

That's great.

You own a BMW?

Yeah, can you tell?

Good boy.

Adam, it's Lou. Don't hang up, okay?

It's not about money.

It's about making money.

You and me, buddy.

Hi, it's me.

So, I did everything according

to your stupid f***ing plan.

I took everything with the yellow stickers

and I left you

everything with the red stickers.

There was some stuff in your closet

with no stickers,

so I threw that in a pile

and burned it in the backyard.

Seemed like the right thing to do.

And thank you for claiming

that empty plastic bottle.

I was prepared to fight you on that one.

Anyway, I left you something

on the counter.

It's from the heart.

Oh, and one last thing. Um...

The TVhad a red sticker on it,

but I took it anyway.

Bye.

Just keeping my head down.

Not getting shivved today.

Let's knock these reps out. Mmm! Mmm!

Turn on a light, Jake. Open a window.

Go outdoors. Jesus Christ!

Why don't you get out of

the house this weekend, huh?

What should I do out of the house,

Uncle Adam?

I don't know.

Anything that corresponds with reality.

Apply for a job.

Maybe try to go to college.

I don't know.

That all sounds kind of overrated.

You don't like it,

you can move back in with your mom.

No, I can't actually.

She moved in with her new boyfriend.

I will not be anywhere near that.

She moved in with him?

Yeah, the taxidermist.

- The taxidermist is stuffing my mother.

- Kelly.

She's your sister. You should call her

once in a while. Check in.

Well, maybe she should check in with me.

Ever think of that?

Yeah. That's interesting.

Listen, I've got a big court date

in a few minutes.

- If I miss it, I'm kind of screwed.

- Why do you waste your time

with that Second Life bullshit?

Look at you, you're still in jail.

You were in jail last week.

Yeah. I'm a prisoner.

It's called "doing hard time."

Can't you be like a warrior or a shaman

or an Orc or some sh*t like that?

No, no. In life, you make choices,

and if you screw up

you have to pay for those choices.

You're 20 years old, you haven't

made an important choice in your life.

What are you mad about? What is this?

I don't know if you noticed,

but Lily moved out.

Is that what all the shuffling was?

Uh-huh.

What did you do?

I didn't do anything.

No f***ing way!

You know I'm a dreamer

But my heart's of gold

I had to run away high

So I wouldn't come home low

Just when things went...

... song

And you'll never be left all alone

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

Home sweet home

Tonight, tonight

I'm on my way

Home sweet home

Even among the gentle prairie squirrels,

the mate-less male

is subjected to a humiliating ritual.

Hello.

What?

F***!

Hey. Adam.

- What's happening, man?

- Hey.

You all right?

- Hi, Courtney.

- Hey, how you doing?

- Nice to see you.

- You, too.

- Yeah.

- Not here.

Long time.

Yeah. You know...

- Work's been crazy and...

- I know.

- I called a couple of times.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Very, very busy.

You think this is a real situation

or just one of his bullshit episodes?

I don't know.

You never know with Lou.

Well, hey, Adam, how's your girlfriend?

Oh, really bad.

Okay.

Happy times.

Hi, folks. I'm Dr. Jeff. Lou's resting.

He's denying that it was a suicide attempt

and medically he's stable,

so legally we can't keep him here.

But we do think that he should be

monitored for a few days.

Does he have any family?

Lou's family all kind of hate him.

Okay. Well, then I guess it's up

to you guys, his friends.

You are his friends, right?

It's like that friend who's the a**hole.

But he's our a**hole, you know?

Right.

Yeah.

Dr. Jefferies to radiology.

Lou. Why would he do this?

Why? I mean, make a list.

He's an alcoholic, he's divorced.

Wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.

He's failed at every jive-ass money

hustle he's ever tried.

He's in a mountain of debt.

- He hates his mother.

- He hates himself. He hates everybody.

- He has erectile dysfunction.

- He's got halitosis.

He's got that runt ball.

Huh.

He said one of his balls was shriveled up...

- Oh, yeah.

...like a spoiled grape.

Wasn't it that quarterback on the Bears

who had his ball

crushed on the field. Right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Right, right.

- '82? Yeah, yeah.

- He came back from that, though.

- Strong as ever.

- F*** yeah.

- But I don't know about Lou.

- It's just like...

- No.

It's just like

an accumulation of punishment.

F*** you guys.

- Oh!

- Hey!

There he is. Hey.

I can f***ing hear everything

you're saying, all right?

Look who's awake. What's up, man?

- Hey.

- Hey, man.

What's up?

You look just like my friend Nick.

And you look like my friend Adam.

But you wouldn't be those guys because

I've been calling and calling them,

- and they haven't returned my calls.

- So, listen, Violator.

Me and Nick got a little surprise for you.

Something special

that the three of us can do.

Come on. You guys.

- Are you curious?

- No!

I didn't f***ing try and kill myself.

If I wanted to kill myself,

I'd f***ing kill myself.

I'd be awesome at it.

A shotgun to the dick.

I'm glad you didn't do it.

It's good to see you guys, anyway.

So, just out of curiosity,

what's the surprise?

Tell him.

Ko-di-ak...

...Valley.

No f***ing way!

- Yes, sir.

- Yeah.

- F***ing K-Vals? Holy sh*t!

- Yes, sir. Bang!

We f***ing ski, right? We f***ing rage.

Chimney Point at the end of the night with

a bottle of scotch to wash it all down. Oh!

And you guys are paying

for the whole thing?

- Sure.

- Yep.

Let's go tonight.

- We go tomorrow.

- Let's go now. Let's go now.

I just got to get rid of this thing.

It's really uncomfortable.

You should wait

for the nurse or something.

I got it. I got it.

- Hold on, Lou.

- No, no, no, no.

Let somebody do that for you.

- Oh, sh*t.

- God.

Did I get that on you?

- Yes, you did.

- Damn it!

It's only pee. Relax, it's only pee.

- There's Lou.

- Good, he's drinking already.

Look at this sh*t.

Do you remember when I was 12

and he tried to bite me?

Yeah, but he... You had that coming.

- Hey, Violator.

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