Hotel Noir Page #5

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Hi.

Hi.

This isn't real.

I must wake up now.

No, you're awake.

Get some clothes on her.

And get rid of the deadbeat.

At this point things get a little screwy.

That was just a warm-up.

This one's gonna hurt.

Who are you trying to convince?

Yourself?

Or your little playmate?

He had a point.

It hurt.

Funny what near-death experiences

do with people.

I don't think Mary and I ever discussed being together.

We just suddenly were.

This wasn't as easy as it sounds...

and compromises were made on all sides.

Otto hadn't killed me because a cop is still a cop.

But I was yanked from the case.

Hell, I pretty much destroyed the case.

So I was put on extended leave.

Jim came around once in a while, but...

otherwise Mary became my nurse.

and my cook

and my obsession.

Lest it all sound bleak and dreary,

rest assured we found ways

of entertaining each other.

Not that we had that much in common,

I like jazz.

I like comic books.

I like westerns.

I like rip-roaring tales about singing pirates.

What do you make of that?

Personally, singing pirates never did it for me.

No, I mean the fact

that we had nothing in common.

I don't think people look for a copy

of themselves in other people.

I think they look for someone

they're compatible with.

At least they should.

Never thought of it that way.

Is that what you do?

What are you drinking?

My whole life I never thought

of anyone but myself.

I think you're just saying that.

You strike me as an unselfish person.

Trust me, I wouldn't know

what an unselfish act looks like.

I suppose the one thing me and Mary did have

in spite of anything else was compatibility.

Tell me a secret.

Ladies first.

I'm a terrible driver.

Honestly, I can't believe

I haven't run somebody over.

Something personal.

I secretly wish I were a superhero.

I thought we were being serious.

I think about it all the time.

My life is so unexciting.

I just hate the everyday world.

I wish I had a secret identity

and went around beating up bullies.

That's what you do.

Not exactly.

We both have victim complexes.

We're just different sides of the same coin.

Where do you get this stuff?

You ask because it makes sense

or because it's weird?

I ask because you're a girl.

Girls don't need to be that smart.

You ever wonder what superheroes

are like in the sack?

No.

Never?

No.

You never wonder what it might be like

to be with a woman if you're Superman?

Superman's an alien.

How can he altogether be interested in a lady?

He is so into the ladies.

I mean...

the poor guy can barely speak to Lois

without getting all flustered.

Walking around with all that power

between his legs.

This conversation is a little weird.

You've never thought about Tiltawor.

Who's Tiltawor?

How old are you, Grandpa?

Tiltawor, she wears the black mask...

and carries around the ray gun that her

scientist father bequeathed her on his deathbed.

Say "bequeathed" again.

And she spins like this and she can drive

vault through concrete.

I mean, she's my favorite.

What took you so long, Mary?

Don't get excited.

Who did this to you?

He didn't mean it. I provoked him.

Otto?

What have you been doing talking to him?

It's not like I have a choice.

Why not?

Don't make me spell it out.

Try me.

He still owns me, Felix.

Nobody owns you.

That's a pretty postcard.

Where do you think I go after work...

when I come home late?

Why are you doing this?

I don't enjoy it, but it's part of the deal.

We're not children. Let's not pretend.

What does this mean?

I'm sorry, but you've known all along.

If I knew, then why did I let you?

Because you're like me.

There's this sickness inside of you...

that needs to hurt.

Or to be hurt.

Because we're the same.

From that moment my life changed.

Or should I say,

my death sentence was signed.

You like the love story so far?

Sure, kid.

A real kick in the head.

What happened next?

Next...

Next I put a six-week plan into motion

that came to fruition only a couple of hours ago.

Details are tedious, take my word for it,

but the basic premise is simplicity itself.

I received inside information

that Otto's crew was to rob DeFalco's

steel factory payroll...

and stash the money at a safe location...

and return to claim it next morning

when the coast was clear.

All I had to do was wait

and walk out rich.

That was the plan anyway.

But plans do what plans always do.

They go wrong.

While I was busy improvising,

my inside man's only task for the evening

was to keep Otto drooling over her

at the Vixenville.

You know, there's a moment in the current review

where she goes backstage to change

before other dancers come out

right on time before she rejoins.

A fifteen window while she changes.

Just enough time for her to slip out the back,

jump in a cab, and join me in the station.

And?

She didn't show.

What happened?

Either she changed her mind...

or she's dead.

This makes no difference for the outcome.

You're drunk.

My God, it took a lifetime to happen.

What if she's in danger?

You dames are all the same,

you're always looking out for their sister.

Have you not been paying attention?

I've played my cards.

Maybe I had a lousy hand, you know?

It looked good enough at the time,

by the way.

That's it for me. She's gone.

And I'm dead, game over.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking he's drunk.

I've come here to take his money.

But don't tell him.

Don't tell him.

I'm not... I'm not saying that

just because of your bountiful presence

I mean, I'm beautiful.

No, I mean...

Keep it down, please.

People are trying to talk out here.

Who do you think you are?

Shhh! Wait, let's not...

It's the police!

Open up!

Sorry...

Open up! It's the police...

You?

You?

Take that off!

You don't deserve to wear that costume...

Please, mister, keep your voice down.

You'll get me fired.

What's the rumpus?

What's all this?

What are you doing?

I know everybody here.

Is she the one you were talking about?

Is this creep your new main squeeze now?

He said he had a lot of aggression

to take out on someone

and he has not let up on taking it out.

Who are you calling a creep, little snit?

I got your number, mate.

Better watch your language, sport.

Vance...

It wouldn't hurt you, my friend,

to show a little bit of politeness.

Maybe it's time for you to crawl back

to your room and dry out.

You stupid animal.

You really are...

an animal.

Congratulations.

You just assaulted a policeman.

Ah, he's bluffing.

Why didn't you tell me?

You'd better go.

Why try to get me out of the room so fast?

Because I don't want him to wake up

and arrest you.

Suddenly you care about me?

Vance, let's go.

Go back to the room,

put your face in the pillow,

lower your superhero pants and wait for me.

But hurry.

I can't afford to lose this job.

What's this guy to you?

Nothing, a friend.

You're all nervous. Practically in a sweat.

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