Hotel Splendide Page #4

Daddy?

Well, I have noticed a certain

remission in my own condition.

All this time I've been

blocking them up with my food,

while Cora unblocks

them downstairs.

It's just one of Mummy's

little schemes, you know?

Scooping revenue from both ends.

Things have changed.

That's all.

No going back.

It's not just the colonics.

It's everything.

They're simply not

interested anymore.

If we introduced massage,

then they would flock.

Isn't that so, Daddy?

Well...

I will not touch them.

Nobody is going to

make you do anything.

For goodness'

sake, am I the only

sane member of this family?

We are in a crisis.

We all have to do things

that we don't like.

Massage is a standard treatment

in all the great hotels.

Kora... you go and

talk to her, Daddy.

She listens to you.

It's a sensitive issue.

Really?

Well, would you

want to touch them?

There is a conspiracy at work

in the hotel... a rebellion...

And we all know who's

at the bottom of it.

We have been through this.

Funny that you should be

so anxious to protect her.

I wonder what Mummy

would have made of this.

Oh, and I wonder

what Mummy would have

thought of you and Lorna Bull?

Lorna Bull is a cheap little

tart of no consequence to me.

I, uh, thought you seemed sad.

I'm not sad.

But it's kind that you cared.

I think about your bird a lot.

I keep seeing it

in my mind's eye.

When will it be finished?

Soon.

It doesn't belong here.

It belongs in a place where

it could be appreciated.

Somewhere wonderful.

Sergei... It's better if things

remain as they always have.

I'm sorry.

I think Sergei Gorgonov

is in love with me.

Well, it's only taken

you 10 years to notice.

That's great.

No, Kath.

I want to die.

But you feel the same.

I know you do.

No, I can't do this!

Kath... all my life, I have

lived with a terrible secret.

A knowledge that no

matter what I do,

I will always remain

ugly, and deformed.

Aw... what are you saying?

If any man saw my...

Deformity, he would

stop loving me in an instant.

I don't understand.

Something is terribly

wrong with me.

Down there.

Cora?

Cora, how did you discover this?

Mummy told me.

Um... Maybe she was wrong?

Maybe she lied to you?

How can you say that?

Because I think it's not true.

But I thought you'd understand?

Put on the cooker.

Now.

None of the bloody

vegetables are on yet.

Well, that's because

he took the vegetable...

Oh, for god's sake!

My [INAUDIBLE].

Get on with that.

MALE VOICE:
That was

a request for all

the kitchen staff at the

Hotel Splendide, from Kath.

Oh, damn!

Oh, damn.

A word in your ears?

What?

About the cooking.

As I mentioned before,

there have been

some complaints about the food.

Let's discuss this at

the next family session.

Now is not a good time.

Then make it a good time.

Make it a good time.

Watch what you're doing!

I can't deal with this.

We're cutting out

all the spicy muck,

and getting back

to what we do best.

The cuisine for which the

hotel is so justly famous.

I run this kitchen

the way I choose to.

You're not running this kitchen.

And what exactly does that mean?

My god, listen to you both.

Grow up.

What have you done?

Yeah, we were all sick to

death of that awful croaking.

It was a public service.

You've caused enough

trouble as it is.

We should've left

you on the beach.

Get out of my kitchen.

I will not have

my staff maligned.

Oh, don't you speak

to me like that.

I said out!

Get out!

That's methane.

That's methane.

Turn off the burners!

Turn off the burners!

[GRUNTING]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Come on!

[GROANING]

You all right?

I'm never going back in there!

You won't make me!

What?

It's her!

She tried to kill us!

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

What?

What has happened to

the standards here?

That's what I want to know.

[SHOUTING]

[SHOUTING]

[SHOUTING]

Stop.

Please.

What you did today was improper.

You took her side

in front of staff.

I should have seen it coming.

I knew you'd be ensnared

by her all over again.

Look at what's happening here.

It's Mummy.

She won't stand for it.

You know what she thought

about goings on with staff.

NARRATOR:
The great thing

about the Chinese language

is that the word for crisis

also means opportunity.

What I want to know

is whether being

gassed to death by your own

waste counts as an opportunity.

Not cross still

with me, are you?

No, Desmond.

I've arranged everything

to make you happy.

But you... you don't seem

to want... is it the food?

No.

Then what?

Desmond, I've tried really hard,

but I can't stand it anymore.

Can't stand it?

Can't stand what?

Well... it's not that

you're culling the filth,

and the parasites, and... I

dread to think what else.

I mean, most people are,

and it's not your fault.

Although that flaking

around your eyes and mouth

doesn't help things.

I've also found your

fixation with the new cook

humiliating and insensitive.

Ridiculous.

Anyway, I've decided.

Her days at the

hotel are numbered.

What I can't stand is

that you never finish.

You know what I mean.

Oh.

I'll get back to my room now.

Lorna.

Yes?

I'm going to have to put

you back on the full tariff.

It was an accident.

That's all.

But we both know what happened.

If you can't accept it, then

you're still in her power,

just as much as everyone else.

And where did you get that?

Smuggled it in.

You could fire me for that.

[COUGHING]

Do you know what the

day after tomorrow is?

Ferry day.

So, as I lost the bet,

I'm packing my bags.

Seems to me you won.

No more cooking for me.

I'm off.

Not if I have

anything to do with it.

Come on.

Get up.

You were right all along.

I've been a fool.

Yeah?

How's that?

All these years,

I never gave you

credit for what you were doing.

All I heard were their

complaints about the food.

Endless winging.

But you held it together,

without any word of thanks.

You recognized her vision,

and kept this place alive.

You were unto her from

the start, when I just

sailed ahead... buggered it all.

Well, she goes tomorrow.

You can be cook

again, and the family

can do what they do best.

And her and her damn

conspiracy can go to hell.

What do you say?

I say she stays.

What an absurd idea.

Must be heat exhaustion.

Kath is the best thing that

ever happened to this place.

I only wish that last time, I'd

stood up to our f***ing mother.

Instead of pissing the last

five years of my life away.

I see.

Well, it was just a suggestion.

So long as there's no

bad feeling between us.

Of course not.

[WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERING]

CORA:
Who is it?

It's me.

Open up.

What is it, Desmond?

Mind if I come in?

Can't it wait?

No, it can't wait.

We have to talk

about this business

with Ronald and this b*tch.

It's happening again.

You're overtired.

Go back to bed.

We are family.

We have to stick together.

Nonsense.

Good for them, at last.

Little fool.

This is a catastrophe.

You've become a

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